*sigh*

[roxy]

Today, I had a very messy, loud, and wet breakdown on the phone, calling out from work. It was truly disgusting, filled with lots of hyperventilating and some snot. This comes from trying to work through a labyrinth of shit that I created by not being on top of my dad's stuff. It really sucks that I can't point at someone else and blame them for all the crap that I'm swimming through. Besides, I've already cursed myself out more times than anyone else could.

I spent the major part of the day on the phone and there might be some progress and I might get out of this almost okay. But I'm not taking a breath until I know for sure. One bright spot--I got a lot of reading done while holding for everyone and their granny and the bank was very patient with my loud, soggy outburst. I guess this is going to take a very long time to fix, and in the meantime, I can't let it rule me but fuck, it's hard for it not to.

Thanks, I had to get that off my chest. Wow, and yesterday was so nice. I kind of knew I was going to pay for it today. Ach, well, tomorrow's another day, yes?

The icon says it all. ;)

Comments

[myownghost.livejournal.com]

My father and my father-in-law both died without leaving a will. Big fun for the executors. I'm sorry you have this mountain of shit to deal with, but it's good that the bank reps on the phone were kind to you. (They probably deal with the frustrated anger of the bereaved all the time. I tell you, after Gerry died, I acted like a crazy woman for about a year. It was all I could do to plod along a day at a time.)

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I keep feeling like oh, I should be over all this and calm and collected but I keep springing leaks and being a total crazy woman myself. The other day, I sat in my bedroom and screamed so loud, I know the neighbors three houses down had to have heard me. All it did was make my hoarse for a day...**shrugs*

Honestly, I have no idea why this is so difficult for me. I wasn't this bad when my mom passed and she was my best friend in the whole world. Ah well. Tomorrow I hope to find out more about the sitch and then, then, I'm going to sleep all day long. *GG*

*big shmooshy hugs*

[myownghost.livejournal.com]

I was very calm when Mom died, and like you, I was really good friends with her. It was as if she was so much a part of me that I hadn't lost her completely. It's a different dynamic with a father, maybe. Not too long after mine died (out in Indiana), I was driving my car down a local highway here and suddenly started talking aloud to him as if he were in the passenger seat. Every once in a while that happens while I'm driving. It's been going on five years. There's no real time limit, I think, on grief, and each loss has felt different and worked out in individual ways. I have to keep reminding myself that it's ok still to feel it.

I hope you get that sleep! ((((Roxy))))