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The Butler Did It" SV fic
So, having cleaned out out my pen of typing monkies, and not finding any Shakespeare, I present TA-DAH! This.
The Butler Did It
Hans Dieter, Yoshi, and Henri were leaning against the wall surrounding the herb garden and enjoying a companionable smoke. It was a lovely warm day, and the Boss was out, thank God. They watched the butler, Conners, walk out the French doors at the top of the garden stairs with a small potted plant. He wasn’t in uniform, and his short-sleeved white shirt showed off his ebony skin to excellent effect. The trio watched him bend over and set down the plant with a collective sigh, and sighed again when he went back inside.
“He’s African, you know,” said Hans Dieter. He blew a smoke ring heavenward and looked lost in thought. Yoshi glanced over and smirked.
“The Boss likes exotic, ah?” He smoothed his thick black hair back from his forehead, thinking how much Mr. Lex liked his hair. He had noticed that Conners’ head was shaved as smooth as the Boss’ and wondered if it meant anything…
“There’s something about Conners that neither one of you know, I’m sure,” Henri grinned. When he was assured he had their undivided attention, he drawled out, “Mr. Lex, (* the Bastard* echoed in three minds) has been mooning about him for months.” Hans Dieter nodded his head, scowling mightily. “Yes. I haf seen with my own eyes how he shamelessly pursues this admittedly delicious man, the Bastard.” His eyes narrowed as he looked towards the patio, and the sight of Conners behind the French doors.
Yoshi attempted to look angry but on his elfin features, he looked more confused and constipated. “I have also seen this disgusting display of horniness. Conners probably has many watches….” He pouted as he made a mental tally of the watches the three owned.
Henri laughed out loud. “Mr. Lex hired him away from a friend, with no questions asked No…research…”
Two pair of shocked eyes looked into his.
“No” and “You mean” and “oh, ho!” and two smiles began to widen…
“Yup. Straighter than straight. Straighter than Big Giant Boy!” Henri laughed delightedly and Hans Dieter actually chuckled aloud. Yoshi was bent double with laughter at the thought of the
Boss’ frustration.
Conners watched the strange little troop outdoors with a frown. Being the butler meant he technically had no control over that little bunch, but he’d love to whip their little arrogant asses into shape. They treated Mr.Lex like he was a slightly moronic child. That grated awfully on his nerves, but for some reason Mr.Lex forbid him to speak to them about it. Conners sighed and made his way to the little office Mr. Lex had provided for him. He needed to make sure that Sarah had attended to the linen closet, and he decided to make sure that Sophia was changing the beddings in all the rooms that needed it. His work was truly never done. Big Giant Bo… *Goodness! Now those fools have him saying it.*
He meant of course, Mr. Clark, was coming to spend the weekend, along with his little group of friends that Mr. Lex insisted on inviting too, every time Mr. Clark came to visit. Not that he didn’t like Big…Mr.Clark. He was sure that he was a charming young man, if one could get past that blinding doofus grin, and unnatural height and obvious lack of native wit, which was something that Mr. Lex seemed perfectly able to do. Not that it bothered him. Why should it? He had noticed lately that…attention that Mr. Lex used to pay him, was now directed at Big Giant Boy. Not that he cared. Because he, Conners, didn’t dance that way. Neither did stupid Giant Boy. But he didn’t care, because…fuck. It was true--the rumors about the Boss. He *did* give out deadly waves of sexiness. And he’d been arrogant enough to think he was immune.
“Conners! I’m back!” Mr.Lex bounded into the kitchen, looking entirely too happy for having come from a visit to the Kent farm. “Say, Conners, have you ever had an itch you just couldn’t get to…” Conners saw red for a moment, and then quickly recovered.
“And did Mr. Clark manage to scratch that itch for you, sir?” he said in what he apparently thought was a mildly interested tone.
Lex recoiled from the venom in his voice*Why do all my staff go quietly insane?* He backed up farther, hoping he could sprint out of the kitchen and make it to the garage if Conners got violent, as the butler advanced on him. Slowly it dawned on him that Conners was unbuttoning his shirt as he came closer. *holy fuck! Good crazy! Go Conners!* and by the time he pinned Lex against the counter, he was shirtless and smirking. “I’m going to scratch an itch for you, and you’ll love it” he purred.
“Yes?” Lex squeaked.
Later that evening, there were four figures sitting on the herb garden wall, sharing a smoke, and watching Mr.Lex try to get comfortable on the garden swing. Big Giant Boy was scowling, seeming to forget he had a racket in his hand as his friends leaped about him playing badminton and making way to much noise.
They were all pretty sure it was an accident when B.G.B. stumbled and knocked the Boss out of the swing and onto his ass. Conners was quite amazed and gratified at the volume of scream from the Boss *the Bastard. * and grinned as the others surreptitiously high fived each other.
it kills me how lousy I am at typing....
The Butler Did It
Hans Dieter, Yoshi, and Henri were leaning against the wall surrounding the herb garden and enjoying a companionable smoke. It was a lovely warm day, and the Boss was out, thank God. They watched the butler, Conners, walk out the French doors at the top of the garden stairs with a small potted plant. He wasn’t in uniform, and his short-sleeved white shirt showed off his ebony skin to excellent effect. The trio watched him bend over and set down the plant with a collective sigh, and sighed again when he went back inside.
“He’s African, you know,” said Hans Dieter. He blew a smoke ring heavenward and looked lost in thought. Yoshi glanced over and smirked.
“The Boss likes exotic, ah?” He smoothed his thick black hair back from his forehead, thinking how much Mr. Lex liked his hair. He had noticed that Conners’ head was shaved as smooth as the Boss’ and wondered if it meant anything…
“There’s something about Conners that neither one of you know, I’m sure,” Henri grinned. When he was assured he had their undivided attention, he drawled out, “Mr. Lex, (* the Bastard* echoed in three minds) has been mooning about him for months.” Hans Dieter nodded his head, scowling mightily. “Yes. I haf seen with my own eyes how he shamelessly pursues this admittedly delicious man, the Bastard.” His eyes narrowed as he looked towards the patio, and the sight of Conners behind the French doors.
Yoshi attempted to look angry but on his elfin features, he looked more confused and constipated. “I have also seen this disgusting display of horniness. Conners probably has many watches….” He pouted as he made a mental tally of the watches the three owned.
Henri laughed out loud. “Mr. Lex hired him away from a friend, with no questions asked No…research…”
Two pair of shocked eyes looked into his.
“No” and “You mean” and “oh, ho!” and two smiles began to widen…
“Yup. Straighter than straight. Straighter than Big Giant Boy!” Henri laughed delightedly and Hans Dieter actually chuckled aloud. Yoshi was bent double with laughter at the thought of the
Boss’ frustration.
Conners watched the strange little troop outdoors with a frown. Being the butler meant he technically had no control over that little bunch, but he’d love to whip their little arrogant asses into shape. They treated Mr.Lex like he was a slightly moronic child. That grated awfully on his nerves, but for some reason Mr.Lex forbid him to speak to them about it. Conners sighed and made his way to the little office Mr. Lex had provided for him. He needed to make sure that Sarah had attended to the linen closet, and he decided to make sure that Sophia was changing the beddings in all the rooms that needed it. His work was truly never done. Big Giant Bo… *Goodness! Now those fools have him saying it.*
He meant of course, Mr. Clark, was coming to spend the weekend, along with his little group of friends that Mr. Lex insisted on inviting too, every time Mr. Clark came to visit. Not that he didn’t like Big…Mr.Clark. He was sure that he was a charming young man, if one could get past that blinding doofus grin, and unnatural height and obvious lack of native wit, which was something that Mr. Lex seemed perfectly able to do. Not that it bothered him. Why should it? He had noticed lately that…attention that Mr. Lex used to pay him, was now directed at Big Giant Boy. Not that he cared. Because he, Conners, didn’t dance that way. Neither did stupid Giant Boy. But he didn’t care, because…fuck. It was true--the rumors about the Boss. He *did* give out deadly waves of sexiness. And he’d been arrogant enough to think he was immune.
“Conners! I’m back!” Mr.Lex bounded into the kitchen, looking entirely too happy for having come from a visit to the Kent farm. “Say, Conners, have you ever had an itch you just couldn’t get to…” Conners saw red for a moment, and then quickly recovered.
“And did Mr. Clark manage to scratch that itch for you, sir?” he said in what he apparently thought was a mildly interested tone.
Lex recoiled from the venom in his voice*Why do all my staff go quietly insane?* He backed up farther, hoping he could sprint out of the kitchen and make it to the garage if Conners got violent, as the butler advanced on him. Slowly it dawned on him that Conners was unbuttoning his shirt as he came closer. *holy fuck! Good crazy! Go Conners!* and by the time he pinned Lex against the counter, he was shirtless and smirking. “I’m going to scratch an itch for you, and you’ll love it” he purred.
“Yes?” Lex squeaked.
Later that evening, there were four figures sitting on the herb garden wall, sharing a smoke, and watching Mr.Lex try to get comfortable on the garden swing. Big Giant Boy was scowling, seeming to forget he had a racket in his hand as his friends leaped about him playing badminton and making way to much noise.
They were all pretty sure it was an accident when B.G.B. stumbled and knocked the Boss out of the swing and onto his ass. Conners was quite amazed and gratified at the volume of scream from the Boss *the Bastard. * and grinned as the others surreptitiously high fived each other.
it kills me how lousy I am at typing....
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*cough*
Strawberry Crush.
DUDE!
U R 2 evol 2 lv!!1
heee.
*smooches*
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I like the dances. They are fun to do in my spinny, padded chair.
*imagines Roxy dancing with her T-Rex paws flailing wildly*
HEEE!
*The Bastard*
BWAhahhahhahaha
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They were all pretty sure it was an accident when B.G.B. stumbled and knocked the Boss out of the swing and onto his ass. Conners was quite amazed and gratified at the volume of scream from the Boss *the Bastard. * And the others surreptitiously high fived each other.
Oh damn. Soon you're going to have enough men up there to play soccer with. Man, I want the show to go all crazy for one episode and have all the staff in it! Poor things, all bitter and with too many watches to wear all at once.
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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!
And YES!! The sexy can turn anyone gay!!
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