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Ai!
*Drops gasping to floor, fingertips bleeding*,
The thick plottens, my friends!
Lex thought about what happened on the drive home. He was sure that he wasn’t at fault. He knew was right; Clark’s parents should be safe. Clark should be safe. That was the really the main reason he’d left. It was.
It wasn’t…he ran like a coward from a situation he couldn’t deal with. And now he was going to have to find Clark and hopefully make him understand, this time do it right.
By the time he arrived at the farm, he’d played and replayed in his head, all the ways meeting with Clark could go, and in most—not a happy ending.
He drove up the drive as slowly as was possible for him to go, and there in the headlights like a startled fawn, was Clark. Oh god, here I go. Please don’t let me screw it up this time.
Lex got out of the car and walked slowly over to Clark, giving him plenty of time to bolt if he wanted to, but Clark stood frozen and oddly hunched, his hands fisted in the hem of his shirt, straining the material tight across his chest. Lex mentally cursed himself for having a one-track mind, and launched into his apology.
“Clark, I hope that--”
“Lex! Now is not a good time,”Clark interrupted, and Lex swore to himself that one day, he’d actually manage to get an *entire* sentence out in the boy’s presence.
“Clark. Please listen to me, ok? I know you’re angry,” and he could see even in this dim light how red Clark was, sweating a bit-- still *really* angry …he hoped sincerely that he could make things right—“I’m begging you, please meet me tomorrow at the castle. Please? I can’t make this whole thing disappear,” Lex’s heart sunk when Clark dropped his head, god he doesn’t even want to look at me—“But maybe, we can –can at least talk?”
Clark refused to look up at him, but nodded his head, still silent.
Lex breathed an internal sigh of relief. “Good. I’m so glad you’re willing to come—would you like to come for breakfast, if it’ ok with your parents?”
Clark nodded again and gestured at the house with his chin. “I’m, ah—I gotta go in now,”
“Sure… sure Clark, Alright then, I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?”
Clark was already moving away as he tossed an “ok” over his shoulder.
Lex stood on the drive and watched him go into the house. Ok, That wasn’t exactly warm interaction, but it was interaction, so score one for me…yes, and that kind of thinking is what screws things up for me time after time—this is Cark!—Clark and me, not a game, not a contest.
He swung himself into his car and tore off, furious at himself. He could hear gravel scrapping off the side of his car, but it didn’t matter. All he could think of was Clark, and he was miserable. One incident, one moment in time, and now he going to pay for it over and over. Because he didn’t trust Clark. He hadn’t trusted that his feelings might be reciprocated. He hadn’t trusted him enough to admit how frightened he’d been by Clark’s revelation, even though it was what he’d wanted so desperately, what he figured would be the ultimate proof of their destiny—the rightness of it all.
But at the end of the day, lack of trust was a fault of his so deep that it colored his whole existence—his whole perception.
Why trust Bruce and not Clark, he couldn’t say—maybe it was the sense that Bruce would never change. He was like the earth-- underneath, he’d always be the same, untouchable, unchanged. Eternal. He was what he was –for those who could see it and were willing to take the chance to touch it.
Clark on the other hand was so fluid, so changeable. He was like water, whatever touched him influenced him, sent him in new directions. The man he was now, was not going to be the man of tomorrow, and Lex wasn’t sure he’d be able to hang on long enough for Clark to become—whatever he was going to be. Loving Clark was not the issue, but his survival of that love was.
There was something about him that reached out to Lex and wanted to drown him, cover him, turn him into something else. At times he wished for it, sure he’d be better because of it, at times he was afraid of it, certain that it would destroy what made him—him.
Lex shivered all over and realized that he was freezing-- looked up, amazed that he was at home, parked in the driveway, car turned off, and he had no memory of it at all.
God. Now he was certain Clark was going to kill him, if only by distracting him so badly he ended going off the road. Again.
He started to get out of the car, hesitated and reached into the back seat. He’d forgotten to give Clark his jacket back. When he pulled it close to him, he noticed it still held Clark’s scent. He looked at it for a moment before carefully folding it and tucking it under his arm. He headed towards the front doors.
TBC
ETA:oops!
The thick plottens, my friends!
Lex thought about what happened on the drive home. He was sure that he wasn’t at fault. He knew was right; Clark’s parents should be safe. Clark should be safe. That was the really the main reason he’d left. It was.
It wasn’t…he ran like a coward from a situation he couldn’t deal with. And now he was going to have to find Clark and hopefully make him understand, this time do it right.
By the time he arrived at the farm, he’d played and replayed in his head, all the ways meeting with Clark could go, and in most—not a happy ending.
He drove up the drive as slowly as was possible for him to go, and there in the headlights like a startled fawn, was Clark. Oh god, here I go. Please don’t let me screw it up this time.
Lex got out of the car and walked slowly over to Clark, giving him plenty of time to bolt if he wanted to, but Clark stood frozen and oddly hunched, his hands fisted in the hem of his shirt, straining the material tight across his chest. Lex mentally cursed himself for having a one-track mind, and launched into his apology.
“Clark, I hope that--”
“Lex! Now is not a good time,”Clark interrupted, and Lex swore to himself that one day, he’d actually manage to get an *entire* sentence out in the boy’s presence.
“Clark. Please listen to me, ok? I know you’re angry,” and he could see even in this dim light how red Clark was, sweating a bit-- still *really* angry …he hoped sincerely that he could make things right—“I’m begging you, please meet me tomorrow at the castle. Please? I can’t make this whole thing disappear,” Lex’s heart sunk when Clark dropped his head, god he doesn’t even want to look at me—“But maybe, we can –can at least talk?”
Clark refused to look up at him, but nodded his head, still silent.
Lex breathed an internal sigh of relief. “Good. I’m so glad you’re willing to come—would you like to come for breakfast, if it’ ok with your parents?”
Clark nodded again and gestured at the house with his chin. “I’m, ah—I gotta go in now,”
“Sure… sure Clark, Alright then, I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?”
Clark was already moving away as he tossed an “ok” over his shoulder.
Lex stood on the drive and watched him go into the house. Ok, That wasn’t exactly warm interaction, but it was interaction, so score one for me…yes, and that kind of thinking is what screws things up for me time after time—this is Cark!—Clark and me, not a game, not a contest.
He swung himself into his car and tore off, furious at himself. He could hear gravel scrapping off the side of his car, but it didn’t matter. All he could think of was Clark, and he was miserable. One incident, one moment in time, and now he going to pay for it over and over. Because he didn’t trust Clark. He hadn’t trusted that his feelings might be reciprocated. He hadn’t trusted him enough to admit how frightened he’d been by Clark’s revelation, even though it was what he’d wanted so desperately, what he figured would be the ultimate proof of their destiny—the rightness of it all.
But at the end of the day, lack of trust was a fault of his so deep that it colored his whole existence—his whole perception.
Why trust Bruce and not Clark, he couldn’t say—maybe it was the sense that Bruce would never change. He was like the earth-- underneath, he’d always be the same, untouchable, unchanged. Eternal. He was what he was –for those who could see it and were willing to take the chance to touch it.
Clark on the other hand was so fluid, so changeable. He was like water, whatever touched him influenced him, sent him in new directions. The man he was now, was not going to be the man of tomorrow, and Lex wasn’t sure he’d be able to hang on long enough for Clark to become—whatever he was going to be. Loving Clark was not the issue, but his survival of that love was.
There was something about him that reached out to Lex and wanted to drown him, cover him, turn him into something else. At times he wished for it, sure he’d be better because of it, at times he was afraid of it, certain that it would destroy what made him—him.
Lex shivered all over and realized that he was freezing-- looked up, amazed that he was at home, parked in the driveway, car turned off, and he had no memory of it at all.
God. Now he was certain Clark was going to kill him, if only by distracting him so badly he ended going off the road. Again.
He started to get out of the car, hesitated and reached into the back seat. He’d forgotten to give Clark his jacket back. When he pulled it close to him, he noticed it still held Clark’s scent. He looked at it for a moment before carefully folding it and tucking it under his arm. He headed towards the front doors.
TBC
ETA:oops!
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Hahaha!
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It does indeed plotten!!!
Ack!
And poor Clark all - don't notice my stained jeans!- or whatever...hee!
And i liked how he talked about Bruce and Clark, how different they were, and i liked that he admitted his fear...
*bounce*
Neat!!
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I'm glad you thought it was ok! :)
Nice icon!
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*Hugs*
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