Top? Bottom?

[roxy]

I sent a note to sillie82 recently, because of an interesting comment in a post of mine. I thought I should share my wondering with you,'cause I'm nice like that.

The issue was warning for top/bottom. Now me, I don’t get why it matters. I like switching the best, maybe I'm just greedy. In years past, I would have really gotten steamed about being asked to warn for who tops or bottoms. Nowadays, I sort of get that it's not my judgment to make, and for some people, it's *very* important. I'm working like hell to be more open to other folks—so I'm going to try and remember to tag for that stuff.

A question to you all.

I get how you label Top Dean(or top whoever). That means of course, that Dean is fucking various characters, not being fucked. So, how do you label it if there's non-penetrative sex, but one is clearly the aggressor, for lack of a better word? Would the person instigating the sex be the top? Does it even apply in a situation like that?

What do you think? What tags would you like to see that folks don’t use enough? What tags should people stop using? I vote "this is crap I don’t even know". I do—NONCLICKY.

Comments

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

I've gotten to where these days I'm a lot more fond of having a "Content Notice" line than a "warnings" line, and in it I include things that legit need warning for, like non-con, etc., but also include things that don't needs warnings but people just might want to know, like top!Dean, dom!Sam, etc. And that's how I do it usually if it's like, non-penetrative sex or no sex at all but one is clearly more in control in the relationship, I'll use dom!Dean or dom!Sam instead of top, because they're the more dominant party. I don't know if that's confusing or if that's how other people do it, it's just how I've gotten used to doing it. *shrugs*

I'm one of those people that would like to know. I don't get squicked out if I start reading a story and find that the one who's my preference isn't the top or dom, but I do get mildly disappointed and usually lose interest. I guess it's just that I see the boys in certain ways, and like to read stories that characterize them that way. :P So it's good to know, but not something I think requires a warning, exactly.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Ah, there, I think what I was actually meaning but not getting that's what I meant, was content notice, which is very a very good idea! I tend to be all over the map as far as the boys are concerned, so letting folks know what to expect is a kindness I guess!

You know, I often avoid a story because I see dom!Dean or Sam, thinking it means BDSM--but it seems you're using it just to mean the less aggressive partner? Interesting! I'll have to look more in the future! :D

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

I would use dom!Dean to mean that Dean was the MORE aggressive or dominant partner in that pairing - just for clarification. ;) And I don't know, maybe I'm weird and most people don't do it that way, but actually these days very few of my fics contain actual sex at all - and I still use those terms to define the dynamics.

I was looking through the comments and like a couple others said "Toppy Sam" or "Toppy Dean" is also a good option especially for when there's little to no actual sex. :P

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

yes, gosh--exactly what I meant--*more*--oy!

[fanspired]

I'd find it very hard to tag my stories that way because it's never that clear cut. There's always some kind of counterpoint going on: for example, Sam may be physically topping while Dean is the one who's actually being more 'toppy' or vice versa; or the dynamic in the bedroom is counter-balanced by the dynamic in the general relationship. And in my longer stories the roles are always in flux, anyway.

Maybe "flux" should be a tag . . . :)