fic post: SV
12/13/07 02:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
roxyTitle: What Happens in Smallville…
Fandom: SV
Pairing: none really but Clex implied.
Rating: PG-13, for wondering about size and oral sex implied.
Summary: silliness, pure silliness.
Other staff stories can be read at SSA or here.
Henri, Yoshi, Hans-Dieter and Conners were lounging in their customary spot in the herb garden, the one that looked in to the indoor pool, and were quietly discussing amongst themselves the world, current events, and more specifically, how big did they think BGB's dick was.
They were passing Conner's hand-cut cigarettes around (a luxury provided by an employer grateful for his employee's discretion) and Dieter lit one of the slim purple tubes, and let a long grateful plume of smoke waft heaven-ward.
"BGB…bigger than Henri's, you think?" he mused aloud.
Henri smirked and moved his legs wider apart, tucked his thumbs into his belt loops to pull his trousers taut overran impressive bulge. Everyone automatically glanced and Yoshi sneered. He flapped his hand at the sight and sing-songed, "Biii--gger." Henri scowled, his green eyes flashed angrily.
They turned to Conners, next and eyed him speculatively. "What about you Conners," Hans-Dieter asked. "Surely you are--?"
"Is this a reference to stereotypes? Because I can assure you, while not quite the anaconda Henri seems to be sporting, it's more than sufficient to do the job."
"In ozer vords, no surprise in the Conners hosen." Hans –Dieter pinched out the end of his cigarette, thrifty is as thrifty does, he thought, and slipped the butt back into his cigarette case and exhaled a cloud heavy enough to blot out the sun.
"What the hell, does he have an extra set of lungs" Yoshi whispered to the other staffers and waved the thick fog away.
"Anyvay," he continued, "my vote stays mit BGB. Though I must say, the Boss has za biggest balls."
"I'll say! He dragged me out of a cushy existence overseeing the gardens at the palace to be here—a virtual *slave* to work. That takes a huge brass set, I'd say. He drives me beyond endurance, that man. Just look at my hands!" Yoshi held out a pair of baby soft and blindingly clean hands.
"Work? You?" They said as one, eyebrows rising in puzzlement, each knowing full well Yoshi's day consisted of sexually harassing the young and extremely fit staff he'd hired to do the actual work of gardening.
"I have a hangnail, oh my god you can’t *see* that?" he shrieked.
Dieter turned and applied a practiced hand sharply to the back of Yoshi's skull. "Silence, tiny maniac. Alert the entire town to our presence here." 'Here' being crouched behind the forsythia, all four of them, binoculars trained on the indoor pool room where BGB and the Boss were…doing the breast stroke. And other, more athletic things…the Boss submerged himself, and BGB's eyes widened, his mouth was a perfect O…the staff sighed as one when BGB's perfect mouth turned into a U of satisfaction.
"Mine Gott, how long can za Bastard hold his breath?"
"A pretty darn long time," Henri said with a smirk. The rest of the staff hated Henri for his unfair advantage—he was nearly a twin of BGB. (not that anyone dared to mention it in hearing range of either man). "Once we had a flat tire near a river, and it was a very hot day. Well…just imagine."
Yoshi gestured at Henri and whispered to Connors from the corner of his mouth, "I imagine holding *his* head under water for a very long time."
"I imagine helping you."
Through the window, they could see BGB's head snap back, and a tremor run over him.
"Oh, I almost feel guilty watching this," Connors said. There was a silence in the bushes, and then—laughter spilled out in the afternoon air.
"Oh, Connors. You're so silly!" Yoshi bleated in laughter.
They could see the water slosh about and the Boss rose out of the chlorinated water like Poseidon from the depths. He looked towards the glass and shouted, "What do I pay you for?"
They dashed off to their separate posts, each secure in the knowledge that they were well paid for being the best at what they did—and of course, their discretion. What happened in the past stayed in the past. It wasn't that the Boss was trying to lie, it was just…BGB was a tad jealous, and maybe a little humorless when it came to the Boss's past…indulgences. In the mean time, for the Staff, there were chocolates from Pralus and cashmere socks and a masseuse on call…and most importantly, peace in the Luthor Manse.
12-12-2007
Fandom: SV
Pairing: none really but Clex implied.
Rating: PG-13, for wondering about size and oral sex implied.
Summary: silliness, pure silliness.
Other staff stories can be read at SSA or here.
Henri, Yoshi, Hans-Dieter and Conners were lounging in their customary spot in the herb garden, the one that looked in to the indoor pool, and were quietly discussing amongst themselves the world, current events, and more specifically, how big did they think BGB's dick was.
They were passing Conner's hand-cut cigarettes around (a luxury provided by an employer grateful for his employee's discretion) and Dieter lit one of the slim purple tubes, and let a long grateful plume of smoke waft heaven-ward.
"BGB…bigger than Henri's, you think?" he mused aloud.
Henri smirked and moved his legs wider apart, tucked his thumbs into his belt loops to pull his trousers taut overran impressive bulge. Everyone automatically glanced and Yoshi sneered. He flapped his hand at the sight and sing-songed, "Biii--gger." Henri scowled, his green eyes flashed angrily.
They turned to Conners, next and eyed him speculatively. "What about you Conners," Hans-Dieter asked. "Surely you are--?"
"Is this a reference to stereotypes? Because I can assure you, while not quite the anaconda Henri seems to be sporting, it's more than sufficient to do the job."
"In ozer vords, no surprise in the Conners hosen." Hans –Dieter pinched out the end of his cigarette, thrifty is as thrifty does, he thought, and slipped the butt back into his cigarette case and exhaled a cloud heavy enough to blot out the sun.
"What the hell, does he have an extra set of lungs" Yoshi whispered to the other staffers and waved the thick fog away.
"Anyvay," he continued, "my vote stays mit BGB. Though I must say, the Boss has za biggest balls."
"I'll say! He dragged me out of a cushy existence overseeing the gardens at the palace to be here—a virtual *slave* to work. That takes a huge brass set, I'd say. He drives me beyond endurance, that man. Just look at my hands!" Yoshi held out a pair of baby soft and blindingly clean hands.
"Work? You?" They said as one, eyebrows rising in puzzlement, each knowing full well Yoshi's day consisted of sexually harassing the young and extremely fit staff he'd hired to do the actual work of gardening.
"I have a hangnail, oh my god you can’t *see* that?" he shrieked.
Dieter turned and applied a practiced hand sharply to the back of Yoshi's skull. "Silence, tiny maniac. Alert the entire town to our presence here." 'Here' being crouched behind the forsythia, all four of them, binoculars trained on the indoor pool room where BGB and the Boss were…doing the breast stroke. And other, more athletic things…the Boss submerged himself, and BGB's eyes widened, his mouth was a perfect O…the staff sighed as one when BGB's perfect mouth turned into a U of satisfaction.
"Mine Gott, how long can za Bastard hold his breath?"
"A pretty darn long time," Henri said with a smirk. The rest of the staff hated Henri for his unfair advantage—he was nearly a twin of BGB. (not that anyone dared to mention it in hearing range of either man). "Once we had a flat tire near a river, and it was a very hot day. Well…just imagine."
Yoshi gestured at Henri and whispered to Connors from the corner of his mouth, "I imagine holding *his* head under water for a very long time."
"I imagine helping you."
Through the window, they could see BGB's head snap back, and a tremor run over him.
"Oh, I almost feel guilty watching this," Connors said. There was a silence in the bushes, and then—laughter spilled out in the afternoon air.
"Oh, Connors. You're so silly!" Yoshi bleated in laughter.
They could see the water slosh about and the Boss rose out of the chlorinated water like Poseidon from the depths. He looked towards the glass and shouted, "What do I pay you for?"
They dashed off to their separate posts, each secure in the knowledge that they were well paid for being the best at what they did—and of course, their discretion. What happened in the past stayed in the past. It wasn't that the Boss was trying to lie, it was just…BGB was a tad jealous, and maybe a little humorless when it came to the Boss's past…indulgences. In the mean time, for the Staff, there were chocolates from Pralus and cashmere socks and a masseuse on call…and most importantly, peace in the Luthor Manse.
12-12-2007
Tags:
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
12/13/07 10:03 am (UTC)"I have a hangnail, oh my god you can’t *see* that?" he shrieked.
LMAO!!
(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
12/13/07 01:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
12/13/07 01:27 pm (UTC)BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhahahaahhaahahahaa!!
:)
(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
12/13/07 01:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
12/13/07 02:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
12/13/07 02:20 pm (UTC)I'm confused...
(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
12/13/07 02:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
12/13/07 03:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
12/13/07 07:51 pm (UTC)♥
(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
12/13/07 07:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
12/14/07 10:12 am (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
12/14/07 06:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
12/15/07 02:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
12/17/07 08:33 am (UTC)Oh where my mind went and returned with a big "O" and ran off again...