Brothers And Heroes part 8
11/9/05 12:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
roxyParts Before
Brothers And Heroes
Tears ran silently from his eyes and his head leaned forward until it was resting on Bruce’s shoulder. He wrapped his fists in Bruce’s flannel pajama shirt and pulled him close, tears soaked through the shirt and undershirt instantly, and he used his sleeve to wipe Lex’s face.
Because he had to do it so often to calm Clark, he began rubbing Lex’s back, rocking him a little, thinking hard while he did so. After a while Lex loosened his hold, and he said, “Lex, how did you kill Julian?”
“It—I—Mom and Dad were fighting…after a party or something, they were screaming at each other again, maybe they were drunk. Dad’s been doing something wrong I think, and Mom was getting more and more upset and…” he took a shaky breath and went on. “They’ve been fighting a lot lately, since Julian was born. I should have been used to it, but this night--I don’t know, I don’t know—it was just too much.”
He looked at Bruce, his eyes red and watery and snot was beginning to run from his nose. Bruce shifted to hold him closer and Lex shuddered, sniffed hard, and Bruce felt a momentary grateful relief Lex used his own sleeve to wipe his nose. “What?” he prompted.
“This noise, this screaming and shouting, it just went on and on and it filled up the whole house and Julian started crying and,” Lex looked devastated and choked it out. “Dad made the nurse go home.” He grabbed Bruce’s hand and squeezed it tight enough to make Bruce wince. “Okay…it was bad, and I lost it. I just went nuts, I was so scared, but I was so, so *mad* too, you know?”
Bruce nodded, and rocked Lex while he struggled to control himself enough to speak. “It was like something broke in my head—I started yelling. I yelled, ‘I wish I was dead’.”
“Oh Lex!”
“Dad hit me, hard enough to make me fall down. I guess I was saying it a lot.” Lex wiped his face.
“When I got up he was gone. Mom was crying, apologizing to me…she said she was sorry. She said she wished she hadn’t brought me into this life, she said she wished I would stop making her sad. And that Dad was going to do the same thing to Julian that he was doing to me and that…she didn’t want him to grow up and become me.” He broke down and sobbed, “I always knew it, it’s my fault. Everything I touch I screw up, I don’t try hard enough to be good, Dad says…"
He cried so hard Bruce was afraid Clark would wake, so he held him hard against his chest to help muffle the sound. “You don’t have to talk anymore if you don’t want to, it’s all right.”
Lex shook his head. Bruce said, “Wait a little bit.” And Lex nodded, breathing hard. Lex lay still against his chest and Bruce thought how warm he was, did he have a fever, Clark got one if he cried too hard…he stroked Lex’s head, and felt a little prick of guilt at how much he enjoyed it. He should be thinking about Lex’s grief and not how silky his skin was, and how he smelled kind of…good.
Lex sighed and said, “Okay, I want to finish,” Bruce made an encouraging noise and went on.
“She ran out of the room. I heard Julian crying and then… when I found her, she was in Julian’s room and it was quiet. She said, she said…it was better that way—she had a pillow and. She killed him. She killed my brother. Because she didn’t want him to be like me. And Dad came in. She looked so terrified, like she was close to death and Dad, he was—“ Lex ‘s voice broke,”-- he was reaching out for Mom, and I thought he was going to kill her so I screamed, I told him I did it…and he believed me!” Lex’s voice was full of horrified wonder, “And Mom just stood there crying and crying and didn’t say a word…Dad said he’d fix it.” He shook and drew a deep breath, “He hates me. He looks at me sometime when he thinks I’m not looking. He –it’s this look. It scares me. Like he’s thinking how to hurt me the worst. I’m afraid of what could be worse,” Lex moaned.
Bruce let Lex cry and thought hard. There was nothing he could do for him but keep his secret. Telling Mo---Martha and Jon wouldn’t help. It would just get Lex’s mom in trouble and Lex’s dad fixed it so Lex wasn’t in trouble…Bruce’s head felt like it wanted to explode. A throbbing pain was working it’s way from his jaw to his nose. He just held Lex harder.
“Okay, Lex first of all your dad isn’t going to hurt you. Even though he thought you did---what you said, he protected you, he fixed it. He’s not going to do anything, ‘cause he loves you, okay? He’s an asshole for sure but he’s your dad.”
Lex snorted and rolled back from Bruce. “You think so? Am I just being crazy?”
“Yeah. He’s going through a bad patch, your mom being sick and—everything. So relax a little. I know the truth, you have me. It’s going to be better since you told me, okay?”
Lex nodded. “Yah. I do feel kind of better. I was—I was starting to believe that I had really done it. I had dreams and in my dreams I could see everything, feel it, his little arms hitting me—they’re horrible dreams Bruce.”
Bruce nodded. He knew about horrible dreams, dreams in which the dead came back and told you lies….
Lex closed his eyes. Bruce watched his eyes move under his eyelids and leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. Lex’s eyes shot open, startled for a moment, and then he smiled, shaky, weak, but a smile. Bruce stared at his mouth, leaned closer…
Clark woke up and huffed, grumpy and bleary—greatly put out that they were having a slumber party and he wasn’t invited. He jumped on the bed, and before Bruce could push him off, Lex asked him to let him stay. For a moment he was so angry, not really sure why he was, confused and too warm, and then life flipped back into the real. Lex’s eyes were on him, pleading, eyes too old for his face, Bruce thought.
“Sure, but he sleeps on your side, that way if he pees, you got the wet spot.” He hoped he sounded normal.
Clark gasped in groggy outrage. “Do not pee! You stink Bruce--you stink like a dead skunk.”
Bruce laughed. “I what?”
Clark growled, “You smell like a skunk, so there.”
“Well, I guess he told you, Spooky. You stink!”
Clark looked at Lex carefully, trying to see if he was making fun of him and started giggling when he saw Lex wasn’t.
“Shut up everybody and go to sleep and no kicking, ‘someone’.” Bruce snapped but he fell asleep with a smile on his face.
TBC
Brothers And Heroes
Tears ran silently from his eyes and his head leaned forward until it was resting on Bruce’s shoulder. He wrapped his fists in Bruce’s flannel pajama shirt and pulled him close, tears soaked through the shirt and undershirt instantly, and he used his sleeve to wipe Lex’s face.
Because he had to do it so often to calm Clark, he began rubbing Lex’s back, rocking him a little, thinking hard while he did so. After a while Lex loosened his hold, and he said, “Lex, how did you kill Julian?”
“It—I—Mom and Dad were fighting…after a party or something, they were screaming at each other again, maybe they were drunk. Dad’s been doing something wrong I think, and Mom was getting more and more upset and…” he took a shaky breath and went on. “They’ve been fighting a lot lately, since Julian was born. I should have been used to it, but this night--I don’t know, I don’t know—it was just too much.”
He looked at Bruce, his eyes red and watery and snot was beginning to run from his nose. Bruce shifted to hold him closer and Lex shuddered, sniffed hard, and Bruce felt a momentary grateful relief Lex used his own sleeve to wipe his nose. “What?” he prompted.
“This noise, this screaming and shouting, it just went on and on and it filled up the whole house and Julian started crying and,” Lex looked devastated and choked it out. “Dad made the nurse go home.” He grabbed Bruce’s hand and squeezed it tight enough to make Bruce wince. “Okay…it was bad, and I lost it. I just went nuts, I was so scared, but I was so, so *mad* too, you know?”
Bruce nodded, and rocked Lex while he struggled to control himself enough to speak. “It was like something broke in my head—I started yelling. I yelled, ‘I wish I was dead’.”
“Oh Lex!”
“Dad hit me, hard enough to make me fall down. I guess I was saying it a lot.” Lex wiped his face.
“When I got up he was gone. Mom was crying, apologizing to me…she said she was sorry. She said she wished she hadn’t brought me into this life, she said she wished I would stop making her sad. And that Dad was going to do the same thing to Julian that he was doing to me and that…she didn’t want him to grow up and become me.” He broke down and sobbed, “I always knew it, it’s my fault. Everything I touch I screw up, I don’t try hard enough to be good, Dad says…"
He cried so hard Bruce was afraid Clark would wake, so he held him hard against his chest to help muffle the sound. “You don’t have to talk anymore if you don’t want to, it’s all right.”
Lex shook his head. Bruce said, “Wait a little bit.” And Lex nodded, breathing hard. Lex lay still against his chest and Bruce thought how warm he was, did he have a fever, Clark got one if he cried too hard…he stroked Lex’s head, and felt a little prick of guilt at how much he enjoyed it. He should be thinking about Lex’s grief and not how silky his skin was, and how he smelled kind of…good.
Lex sighed and said, “Okay, I want to finish,” Bruce made an encouraging noise and went on.
“She ran out of the room. I heard Julian crying and then… when I found her, she was in Julian’s room and it was quiet. She said, she said…it was better that way—she had a pillow and. She killed him. She killed my brother. Because she didn’t want him to be like me. And Dad came in. She looked so terrified, like she was close to death and Dad, he was—“ Lex ‘s voice broke,”-- he was reaching out for Mom, and I thought he was going to kill her so I screamed, I told him I did it…and he believed me!” Lex’s voice was full of horrified wonder, “And Mom just stood there crying and crying and didn’t say a word…Dad said he’d fix it.” He shook and drew a deep breath, “He hates me. He looks at me sometime when he thinks I’m not looking. He –it’s this look. It scares me. Like he’s thinking how to hurt me the worst. I’m afraid of what could be worse,” Lex moaned.
Bruce let Lex cry and thought hard. There was nothing he could do for him but keep his secret. Telling Mo---Martha and Jon wouldn’t help. It would just get Lex’s mom in trouble and Lex’s dad fixed it so Lex wasn’t in trouble…Bruce’s head felt like it wanted to explode. A throbbing pain was working it’s way from his jaw to his nose. He just held Lex harder.
“Okay, Lex first of all your dad isn’t going to hurt you. Even though he thought you did---what you said, he protected you, he fixed it. He’s not going to do anything, ‘cause he loves you, okay? He’s an asshole for sure but he’s your dad.”
Lex snorted and rolled back from Bruce. “You think so? Am I just being crazy?”
“Yeah. He’s going through a bad patch, your mom being sick and—everything. So relax a little. I know the truth, you have me. It’s going to be better since you told me, okay?”
Lex nodded. “Yah. I do feel kind of better. I was—I was starting to believe that I had really done it. I had dreams and in my dreams I could see everything, feel it, his little arms hitting me—they’re horrible dreams Bruce.”
Bruce nodded. He knew about horrible dreams, dreams in which the dead came back and told you lies….
Lex closed his eyes. Bruce watched his eyes move under his eyelids and leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. Lex’s eyes shot open, startled for a moment, and then he smiled, shaky, weak, but a smile. Bruce stared at his mouth, leaned closer…
Clark woke up and huffed, grumpy and bleary—greatly put out that they were having a slumber party and he wasn’t invited. He jumped on the bed, and before Bruce could push him off, Lex asked him to let him stay. For a moment he was so angry, not really sure why he was, confused and too warm, and then life flipped back into the real. Lex’s eyes were on him, pleading, eyes too old for his face, Bruce thought.
“Sure, but he sleeps on your side, that way if he pees, you got the wet spot.” He hoped he sounded normal.
Clark gasped in groggy outrage. “Do not pee! You stink Bruce--you stink like a dead skunk.”
Bruce laughed. “I what?”
Clark growled, “You smell like a skunk, so there.”
“Well, I guess he told you, Spooky. You stink!”
Clark looked at Lex carefully, trying to see if he was making fun of him and started giggling when he saw Lex wasn’t.
“Shut up everybody and go to sleep and no kicking, ‘someone’.” Bruce snapped but he fell asleep with a smile on his face.
TBC
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11/9/05 06:52 am (UTC)and Yay! he told Bruce and oooh, almost kiss! *pervs all over the boys*