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roxyHere are some true tales of Induhviduals, as reported by vigilant DNRC operatives in the field.
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Our college just completed a new three-story building. While walking down a hall on the 2nd floor, I overheard two students say, "I really like the skylights on the 3rd floor." "Me too," remarked the second student. "I don't know why they didn't just put some on the 2nd floor too."
Now this particular one just isn't funny. *koff* Mr. Roxy and I spent a half hour talking about adding a skylight in the kitchen. Located on the first floor of our two story house.
Wait, it gets better. Tried to come up with a way that we could still do it. Decided the baby probably wouldn't want a lightwell running through the middle of her room. Tchah! Picky picky....
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My fiddle teacher was teaching a large group class. She showed them her violin and said, "This violin was made in the early 1800s." Someone in the audience raised their hand and asked, "So you got it used?"
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A few years back, I was in high school and we were celebrating Holy Week (the week before Easter) and we were watching a presentation on the last few days of Jesus. The teacher used a clip from the movie "Jesus of Nazareth" to make his point. As we were watching Jesus carry his cross, a girl in my class asked, "Is this live footage?"
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I work as a computer technician for a large retail chain, servicing customer's computers. One day I answer the phone, and the Induhvidual asks, "Do you guys sell Ethernet cables?" I said that we do, and he asks, "How much is it?" I asked, "How long do you want it?" He responded, "Um, a while I guess. I want to buy it." I said, "No, I mean how long as in the length of the cable." This elicited total silence on his end, so I informed him that we sell a 7-foot cable for $24.99. He asked, "When do I have to return it?" I told him to keep it as long as he likes.
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My Kentuckian sister-in-law's young daughter recently married a Mexican immigrant. They promptly had their first child. Sometime after the birth, a doctor walked into the recovering mom's hospital room and mentioned that the baby's white blood cell count was high. My sister-in-law asked, "Does that mean she will be more white than Mexican?" This is a true story.
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While waiting in line at the Delta Gate to get my seat assignment, I overheard an elderly lady in front of me trying to get a seat assignment. When the clerk asked if she wanted a window or aisle seat the old lady exclaimed "OH! Please don't put me by the window! I just had my hair done!"
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While visiting relatives in Oregon I commented to my cousin how much later sunset was compared to my home in California. She said she was surprised, since we both lived the same distance from the ocean. I asked her what the distance from the ocean had to do with it. She said it was because that's where the sun sets.
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My teacher was having a discussion with our class about what we did for Christmas. One guy said he got himself a deer when he went hunting. My teacher, the clever punster, said that he got a "dear" too, only this was the kind with TWO legs. The class laughed. Then one moron in back raised her hand and asked, "Did you shoot it anyway?"
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A newly hired manager confessed that he was considering getting a second job in order to pay off his wife's huge cell phone bill. When asked why she went so far over her monthly time allocation, his response was that when she bought her cell phone, they told her that weekends and evening time was free. Since she works an odd schedule -- Sunday through Thursday -- she assumed that Fridays counted as her "weekend day." So she used the phone the entire time as she drove to and from Las Vegas. (4 hours, each direction, at 45 cents per minute).
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My husband is a police officer and was training some of his guys at the shooting range. They were hanging the paper targets when one guy said, "Hey, why don't we hang 3 at a time and just tear the top one off each time, that way we don't have to keep hanging them."
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They Walk Among Us!!!!!!
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Our college just completed a new three-story building. While walking down a hall on the 2nd floor, I overheard two students say, "I really like the skylights on the 3rd floor." "Me too," remarked the second student. "I don't know why they didn't just put some on the 2nd floor too."
Now this particular one just isn't funny. *koff* Mr. Roxy and I spent a half hour talking about adding a skylight in the kitchen. Located on the first floor of our two story house.
Wait, it gets better. Tried to come up with a way that we could still do it. Decided the baby probably wouldn't want a lightwell running through the middle of her room. Tchah! Picky picky....
=
My fiddle teacher was teaching a large group class. She showed them her violin and said, "This violin was made in the early 1800s." Someone in the audience raised their hand and asked, "So you got it used?"
=
A few years back, I was in high school and we were celebrating Holy Week (the week before Easter) and we were watching a presentation on the last few days of Jesus. The teacher used a clip from the movie "Jesus of Nazareth" to make his point. As we were watching Jesus carry his cross, a girl in my class asked, "Is this live footage?"
=
I work as a computer technician for a large retail chain, servicing customer's computers. One day I answer the phone, and the Induhvidual asks, "Do you guys sell Ethernet cables?" I said that we do, and he asks, "How much is it?" I asked, "How long do you want it?" He responded, "Um, a while I guess. I want to buy it." I said, "No, I mean how long as in the length of the cable." This elicited total silence on his end, so I informed him that we sell a 7-foot cable for $24.99. He asked, "When do I have to return it?" I told him to keep it as long as he likes.
=
My Kentuckian sister-in-law's young daughter recently married a Mexican immigrant. They promptly had their first child. Sometime after the birth, a doctor walked into the recovering mom's hospital room and mentioned that the baby's white blood cell count was high. My sister-in-law asked, "Does that mean she will be more white than Mexican?" This is a true story.
=
While waiting in line at the Delta Gate to get my seat assignment, I overheard an elderly lady in front of me trying to get a seat assignment. When the clerk asked if she wanted a window or aisle seat the old lady exclaimed "OH! Please don't put me by the window! I just had my hair done!"
=
While visiting relatives in Oregon I commented to my cousin how much later sunset was compared to my home in California. She said she was surprised, since we both lived the same distance from the ocean. I asked her what the distance from the ocean had to do with it. She said it was because that's where the sun sets.
=
My teacher was having a discussion with our class about what we did for Christmas. One guy said he got himself a deer when he went hunting. My teacher, the clever punster, said that he got a "dear" too, only this was the kind with TWO legs. The class laughed. Then one moron in back raised her hand and asked, "Did you shoot it anyway?"
=
A newly hired manager confessed that he was considering getting a second job in order to pay off his wife's huge cell phone bill. When asked why she went so far over her monthly time allocation, his response was that when she bought her cell phone, they told her that weekends and evening time was free. Since she works an odd schedule -- Sunday through Thursday -- she assumed that Fridays counted as her "weekend day." So she used the phone the entire time as she drove to and from Las Vegas. (4 hours, each direction, at 45 cents per minute).
=
My husband is a police officer and was training some of his guys at the shooting range. They were hanging the paper targets when one guy said, "Hey, why don't we hang 3 at a time and just tear the top one off each time, that way we don't have to keep hanging them."
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They Walk Among Us!!!!!!
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(no subject)
10/3/06 10:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
10/3/06 10:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
10/3/06 10:25 pm (UTC)that's just about as good as my mom calling me to tell me that she "Cleaned up" her hard drive, and nothing happens when she turned it back on. (ie, it would not boot.)
Why? Because she went through every file and folder and double clicked on each one.
"If it didn't do anything, I deleted it. There were so many!"
*headdesk*
So. I told her to just tell dad to reinstall windows.
She got really quiet and asked, "I broke it, didn't I?"
I responded, "Well, no. It's not broken. You just gave it a lobotomy. Don't worry. Dad can fix it. And. The next time you want to delete anything? Ask dad first. Really."
(True story.:) lol.:)
(no subject)
10/3/06 10:34 pm (UTC)She got really quiet and asked, "I broke it, didn't I?"
I responded, "Well, no. It's not broken. You just gave it a lobotomy.
I feel awful for laughing. But I did! :)
(no subject)
10/7/06 10:59 pm (UTC)(My dad was kinda mad and amused at the same time, because reinstalling windows is a PITA but my mom is just so clueless).
I don't mean it in a bad way, but she just doesn't... think sometimes. Like when she jammed a disk into the floppy drive and I could not get it out. I don't know why she put it in sideways, or even how she got it in that way. But she did. And my dad had to take the drive apart to get it out!
Ah well. She really does have to ask him about stuff if she wants to delete things.
(And she can't stand my cluttered desktop. CAN'T. STAND. IT. OCD? um yeah. a bit.:)
(no subject)
10/3/06 10:49 pm (UTC)Good Luck, Honey!!!
(no subject)
10/3/06 11:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
10/3/06 11:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
10/3/06 11:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
10/3/06 11:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
10/3/06 11:16 pm (UTC)*shnoogles*
(no subject)
10/3/06 11:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
10/3/06 11:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
10/4/06 01:36 am (UTC)Humans are funny.
(no subject)
10/4/06 03:55 am (UTC)look out--there's a land shark after you!!
(no subject)
10/4/06 01:53 am (UTC)(no subject)
10/4/06 03:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
10/4/06 04:31 am (UTC)Reminds me of a "lesson" one of my teachers told us about telling jokes though, he said don't tell religous or nationality based jokes, tell idiot jokes. No one admits to being an idiot.
(no subject)
10/4/06 06:55 am (UTC)