The smallest violin...
7/18/04 12:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
roxyMy friends, this was one fucked up day,and I see no reason forit to be different tomorrow. I'm working away here and my mind is on a many many things ,most not happy. I don't do not happy well,it's not something I'm used to.
I'm sad, yes, and hurt, and I know that it'll pass and soon, but right now? not happy.
So, saying that, I'll forgo my usual smart ass shit, and just drop the story. To you guys that are reading it, thanks. You don't know what it means to me to have you comment and to make such nice comments too.
Promise tomorrow, I'll be my usual goofy- ass self. love you guys!
Bruce was showered and dressed again and sitting in his room when there was a soft knock at the door. He went to answer it, expecting Lex, but was surprised to see Dominic standing in the hall.
“ Lex and his father are waiting for you in the dining room,” He said.
“Ok.” Bruce slid past Dominic who made no effort to move out of Bruce’s way.
“ Listen, you need to watch yourself with the old man. He’s sharp, sharper than you can imagine, and by the time you say two words, he’ll know all about you. I mean *all* about you.”
Bruce hesitated, turned to examine Dominic.
“Why are you telling me this? Because-- what? We’re such good friends? Bonded over a threat, did we?”
“I’m telling you this because I’m feeling generous, so I’m handing out more lessons today. Some day, you’re going to be living in their world, and by their rules. Right now you have a sort of-- freedom, believe it or not-- because of your age. One day, though, they’ll get you. And just the way Lionel does, they’ll use everything you hold precious as leverage against you. I know. Lex knows. That’s what life is like up here.”
He laughed at the confused expression on Bruce’s face. “ Go. They’re waiting for you. And don’t look at Lex.”
“What?” Bruce felt more and more like he’s stepped through the looking glass, is everyone screwy around here? What the fuck is he really talking about?
“Right now, you can’t hide it. How you feel. Maybe later. Don’t look at him around Lionel. It’s the best you can do.”
“I thought you didn’t like him—Lex I mean.” Dominic’s sudden concern for the both of them made Bruce more than a little nervous.
“I never said that. Lex, he hates me. He can barely stand me—it’s kind of funny, really.” Dominic smiled at Bruce with no trace of warmth or real amusement. “He needs me though. Like I said, I’m not his friend, but I’m not his enemy either. You, you get to be his friend. He reached out to you when…Heh. Well. Gotta go. Enjoy dinner, or whatever the hell you want to call it at this hour of the night.”
He laughed again, and picked up a bag that Bruce had missed seeing before. At his look Dominic said, “Going home. No more babysitting duty till Father leaves.”
He gave Bruce a sardonic little wave and left him standing in the hall, alone.
Well thanks, if I was nervous before I’m about to have a heart attack now, Bruce thought. Oh well, he probably won’t kill me. Right?
***************************
The dining room shone with candlelight and the muted glow of a pair of buffet lamps; the warm golden glow was reflected in strategically placed mirrors and made the small crystal chandelier over the table sparkle. The effect was intimate and cozy.
It was a small space, obviously not meant to be a space for entertaining. The two sat at a round table covered with a creamy linen that fell to the floor.
Lex looked stiff on his upholstered dining chair, while Lionel looked totally relaxed and his face was wreathed with a warm and inviting smile. The candlelight made him look striking, he was tanned and fit looking, with shoulder length dark hair and neat beard, he radiated health and confidence. Lex looked wan and alien sitting next to him. Bruce was overwhelmed by the man’s sheer presence and found himself smiling back until he went to shake Lionel’s hand and saw that the smile did nothing to light the man’s eyes. Bruce was certain that sharks had eyes like that and he fought to keep it from showing on his face. He didn’t need Dominic’s advice to know that would be a fatal mistake.
Lex smiled at him also, coolly, faintly interested, while Bruce seated himself. He tossed Lex a quick smile and tried not to make eye contact. Just touching Lionel had raised a kind of superstitious dread in his mind, he was afraid that Lionel would be able to see what he felt without looking, and he suppressed a little shiver.
The rest of the meal was a slow relaxed affair, despite the formal setting. Bruce was astonished to be served wine with his meal; Lionel was very free with it, and seemed to get great pleasure out of giving Bruce a little lesson in the history of this particular vintage and wine in general.
Bruce found the sound of his voice mesmerizing, he found himself nodding along whenever the man spoke to him; it was as if his voice wove a spell over the table. Bruce found himself speaking freely about school, his habits at home and by the end of the meal Lionel certainly had a good basic knowledge of young Bruce Wayne.
Shit. I’m drunk…tipsy, something---damn. I’m blabbing like a girl Bruce made a real effort to regain control. I-- I don’t like this, how does Lex stand it—got to get together….
Bruce was almost pitifully grateful for the strong European style coffee that followed, and took a look at Lex over the rim of his cup.
Lex looked relaxed, totally relaxed now. He was leaning back a little against the high back of the chair, but his eyes were wide and glittered in the candlelight. His fingers loosely circled the cup in front of him, and occasionally tapped the side. Bruce couldn’t stop looking at his fingers, even as the young aide’s words echoed in his head, he couldn’t stop looking at the elegant perfect fingers stroking the china, he felt it on his own flesh when Lex circled the rim of his cup with one finger, and finally closed his eyes when Lex stroked that finger across his lips, seemingly unaware of the effect it was having.
He looked over at Lionel, who was watching Lex also, but seemed to know the moment Bruce looked his way, he turned and smiled at Bruce, his cold eyes skating over Bruce’s face, seeking out every bit of information he could glean from him.
Bruce felt…defeated. He’d lost a battle he didn’t even know had started.
Lex rose. “Well, I’m very tired. It’s been a long day, I think for all of us. Bruce?”
Bruce’s head snapped back to Lex, almost surprised to hear his voice, he’d been so focused on Lionel. “Oh, yeah, I’m –I’m coming.” He rose also, and hesitated, before thanking Lionel for dinner.
“Nonsense, dear boy. I already think of you as family, and there’s no need to thank me for something as simple as a meal,” he chuckled.
Bruce followed Lex, his thoughts wrapped around the battle raging in his head. When he got to the door to his room, he stopped Lex with a hand on his arm.
“God, I’m sorry, I am so sorry--”
Lex shook his hand off in irritation. “ Bruce, what the hell are you babbling about, lay down and sleep off the wine; you’ll feel better in a bit, ok?” Before he could leave Bruce snaked a hand out, pulled Lex in to him and kissed him, a quick messy thing that made Lex groan, and pull away with a jerk.
“Stop, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, ok?”
Bruce nodded, feeling like a chastised child. He was drunk a bit and exhausted and more than ready to give up thinking for a while.
****************************
Something’s happening, Bruce and you need to get up right now. Bruce groaned and tried to sink deeper into sleep. The bad man’s coming, he’scoming,he’scoming,he’scominMommyMommy CRACK.CRACK….
Bruce shot up out of sleep, his mouth open wide and ready to scream, in the same instant, he knew he’d been dreaming, and he was wide awake.
He shuddered from head to toe; it had been horrible. He never dreamt of that night anymore and he was rocked to his core by the vividness of the dream. He’ really forgotten how terrible it could be. He was awash in an agonizing sense of loss, his only thought was to get to Lex, Lex would hold him for a bit, he knew, if he told him what was wrong, he would.
He got up and made his way out of the dark bedroom, padded down the hall to Lex’s room, trailing his hand along the wall to keep his bearings in the near total darkness. The sliver of light from Lex’s open door blazed in the darkness, and the awful feeling of fear was back with him.
He crept closer, some instinct telling him to be so quiet, and he heard—he wasn’t sure at first, noises, voices, someone was crying, sobbing…
“ Lex” the voice was so…it was his dad’s voice; Lex’s dad was in his room—talking to him.
“You know I love you, you want to be a good boy…yes, you do. I love you, more than you know. Only I could love you like this, no one else…”
Bruce strained to hear the other sound, he strained to hear Lex speaking, but it was just a low keening noise that raised the hairs on the back of his neck.
“ Shh, of course he thinks you’re a freak, I saw that in his face tonight. Has he ever spoken to you about it? Ever told you how beautiful you are, touched you here… or here? No. No one will.”
Bruce shook as the keening rose weakly, becoming less human sounding.
“ Here, put your-- yes, that’s good, that’s right, you’re so beautiful, so special, you must be protected. I’ll always keep you safe…you’ll always be mine, no matter what you do….it’s always forgiven--”
Bruce’s stomach twisted, and he could feel his dinner rushing up. There were wet noises, noises coming from the room, and terrible sounds that shouldn’t be coming from that room, not at all, that shouldn’t happen! his mind was screaming at him Stop, stop but his body dragged him to the doorway, and he looked into the sliver of light.
And died a little. Again, again and again…
And he was in his room, heaving, and looking in puzzlement at his hands, they were full of vomit, When did that happen and he hunched forward and gagged again,silently. He’d been quiet as death the whole time. Quiet as death. Quiet as death. Quiet.
I wish…I wish I were dead. If I were dead, this would all be over….
Bruce ran into the bathroom and hung over the toilet, waiting but nothing came up. He rinsed his hands, and washed his face. He ran water through his hair, and combed it back off his forehead. He got out his toothbrush and carefully applied a strip of paste dead center on the brush and thoroughly brushed his teeth, rinsed once, twice, and leaned over and threw up in the toilet.
I'm sad, yes, and hurt, and I know that it'll pass and soon, but right now? not happy.
So, saying that, I'll forgo my usual smart ass shit, and just drop the story. To you guys that are reading it, thanks. You don't know what it means to me to have you comment and to make such nice comments too.
Promise tomorrow, I'll be my usual goofy- ass self. love you guys!
Bruce was showered and dressed again and sitting in his room when there was a soft knock at the door. He went to answer it, expecting Lex, but was surprised to see Dominic standing in the hall.
“ Lex and his father are waiting for you in the dining room,” He said.
“Ok.” Bruce slid past Dominic who made no effort to move out of Bruce’s way.
“ Listen, you need to watch yourself with the old man. He’s sharp, sharper than you can imagine, and by the time you say two words, he’ll know all about you. I mean *all* about you.”
Bruce hesitated, turned to examine Dominic.
“Why are you telling me this? Because-- what? We’re such good friends? Bonded over a threat, did we?”
“I’m telling you this because I’m feeling generous, so I’m handing out more lessons today. Some day, you’re going to be living in their world, and by their rules. Right now you have a sort of-- freedom, believe it or not-- because of your age. One day, though, they’ll get you. And just the way Lionel does, they’ll use everything you hold precious as leverage against you. I know. Lex knows. That’s what life is like up here.”
He laughed at the confused expression on Bruce’s face. “ Go. They’re waiting for you. And don’t look at Lex.”
“What?” Bruce felt more and more like he’s stepped through the looking glass, is everyone screwy around here? What the fuck is he really talking about?
“Right now, you can’t hide it. How you feel. Maybe later. Don’t look at him around Lionel. It’s the best you can do.”
“I thought you didn’t like him—Lex I mean.” Dominic’s sudden concern for the both of them made Bruce more than a little nervous.
“I never said that. Lex, he hates me. He can barely stand me—it’s kind of funny, really.” Dominic smiled at Bruce with no trace of warmth or real amusement. “He needs me though. Like I said, I’m not his friend, but I’m not his enemy either. You, you get to be his friend. He reached out to you when…Heh. Well. Gotta go. Enjoy dinner, or whatever the hell you want to call it at this hour of the night.”
He laughed again, and picked up a bag that Bruce had missed seeing before. At his look Dominic said, “Going home. No more babysitting duty till Father leaves.”
He gave Bruce a sardonic little wave and left him standing in the hall, alone.
Well thanks, if I was nervous before I’m about to have a heart attack now, Bruce thought. Oh well, he probably won’t kill me. Right?
***************************
The dining room shone with candlelight and the muted glow of a pair of buffet lamps; the warm golden glow was reflected in strategically placed mirrors and made the small crystal chandelier over the table sparkle. The effect was intimate and cozy.
It was a small space, obviously not meant to be a space for entertaining. The two sat at a round table covered with a creamy linen that fell to the floor.
Lex looked stiff on his upholstered dining chair, while Lionel looked totally relaxed and his face was wreathed with a warm and inviting smile. The candlelight made him look striking, he was tanned and fit looking, with shoulder length dark hair and neat beard, he radiated health and confidence. Lex looked wan and alien sitting next to him. Bruce was overwhelmed by the man’s sheer presence and found himself smiling back until he went to shake Lionel’s hand and saw that the smile did nothing to light the man’s eyes. Bruce was certain that sharks had eyes like that and he fought to keep it from showing on his face. He didn’t need Dominic’s advice to know that would be a fatal mistake.
Lex smiled at him also, coolly, faintly interested, while Bruce seated himself. He tossed Lex a quick smile and tried not to make eye contact. Just touching Lionel had raised a kind of superstitious dread in his mind, he was afraid that Lionel would be able to see what he felt without looking, and he suppressed a little shiver.
The rest of the meal was a slow relaxed affair, despite the formal setting. Bruce was astonished to be served wine with his meal; Lionel was very free with it, and seemed to get great pleasure out of giving Bruce a little lesson in the history of this particular vintage and wine in general.
Bruce found the sound of his voice mesmerizing, he found himself nodding along whenever the man spoke to him; it was as if his voice wove a spell over the table. Bruce found himself speaking freely about school, his habits at home and by the end of the meal Lionel certainly had a good basic knowledge of young Bruce Wayne.
Shit. I’m drunk…tipsy, something---damn. I’m blabbing like a girl Bruce made a real effort to regain control. I-- I don’t like this, how does Lex stand it—got to get together….
Bruce was almost pitifully grateful for the strong European style coffee that followed, and took a look at Lex over the rim of his cup.
Lex looked relaxed, totally relaxed now. He was leaning back a little against the high back of the chair, but his eyes were wide and glittered in the candlelight. His fingers loosely circled the cup in front of him, and occasionally tapped the side. Bruce couldn’t stop looking at his fingers, even as the young aide’s words echoed in his head, he couldn’t stop looking at the elegant perfect fingers stroking the china, he felt it on his own flesh when Lex circled the rim of his cup with one finger, and finally closed his eyes when Lex stroked that finger across his lips, seemingly unaware of the effect it was having.
He looked over at Lionel, who was watching Lex also, but seemed to know the moment Bruce looked his way, he turned and smiled at Bruce, his cold eyes skating over Bruce’s face, seeking out every bit of information he could glean from him.
Bruce felt…defeated. He’d lost a battle he didn’t even know had started.
Lex rose. “Well, I’m very tired. It’s been a long day, I think for all of us. Bruce?”
Bruce’s head snapped back to Lex, almost surprised to hear his voice, he’d been so focused on Lionel. “Oh, yeah, I’m –I’m coming.” He rose also, and hesitated, before thanking Lionel for dinner.
“Nonsense, dear boy. I already think of you as family, and there’s no need to thank me for something as simple as a meal,” he chuckled.
Bruce followed Lex, his thoughts wrapped around the battle raging in his head. When he got to the door to his room, he stopped Lex with a hand on his arm.
“God, I’m sorry, I am so sorry--”
Lex shook his hand off in irritation. “ Bruce, what the hell are you babbling about, lay down and sleep off the wine; you’ll feel better in a bit, ok?” Before he could leave Bruce snaked a hand out, pulled Lex in to him and kissed him, a quick messy thing that made Lex groan, and pull away with a jerk.
“Stop, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, ok?”
Bruce nodded, feeling like a chastised child. He was drunk a bit and exhausted and more than ready to give up thinking for a while.
****************************
Something’s happening, Bruce and you need to get up right now. Bruce groaned and tried to sink deeper into sleep. The bad man’s coming, he’scoming,he’scoming,he’scominMommyMommy CRACK.CRACK….
Bruce shot up out of sleep, his mouth open wide and ready to scream, in the same instant, he knew he’d been dreaming, and he was wide awake.
He shuddered from head to toe; it had been horrible. He never dreamt of that night anymore and he was rocked to his core by the vividness of the dream. He’ really forgotten how terrible it could be. He was awash in an agonizing sense of loss, his only thought was to get to Lex, Lex would hold him for a bit, he knew, if he told him what was wrong, he would.
He got up and made his way out of the dark bedroom, padded down the hall to Lex’s room, trailing his hand along the wall to keep his bearings in the near total darkness. The sliver of light from Lex’s open door blazed in the darkness, and the awful feeling of fear was back with him.
He crept closer, some instinct telling him to be so quiet, and he heard—he wasn’t sure at first, noises, voices, someone was crying, sobbing…
“ Lex” the voice was so…it was his dad’s voice; Lex’s dad was in his room—talking to him.
“You know I love you, you want to be a good boy…yes, you do. I love you, more than you know. Only I could love you like this, no one else…”
Bruce strained to hear the other sound, he strained to hear Lex speaking, but it was just a low keening noise that raised the hairs on the back of his neck.
“ Shh, of course he thinks you’re a freak, I saw that in his face tonight. Has he ever spoken to you about it? Ever told you how beautiful you are, touched you here… or here? No. No one will.”
Bruce shook as the keening rose weakly, becoming less human sounding.
“ Here, put your-- yes, that’s good, that’s right, you’re so beautiful, so special, you must be protected. I’ll always keep you safe…you’ll always be mine, no matter what you do….it’s always forgiven--”
Bruce’s stomach twisted, and he could feel his dinner rushing up. There were wet noises, noises coming from the room, and terrible sounds that shouldn’t be coming from that room, not at all, that shouldn’t happen! his mind was screaming at him Stop, stop but his body dragged him to the doorway, and he looked into the sliver of light.
And died a little. Again, again and again…
And he was in his room, heaving, and looking in puzzlement at his hands, they were full of vomit, When did that happen and he hunched forward and gagged again,silently. He’d been quiet as death the whole time. Quiet as death. Quiet as death. Quiet.
I wish…I wish I were dead. If I were dead, this would all be over….
Bruce ran into the bathroom and hung over the toilet, waiting but nothing came up. He rinsed his hands, and washed his face. He ran water through his hair, and combed it back off his forehead. He got out his toothbrush and carefully applied a strip of paste dead center on the brush and thoroughly brushed his teeth, rinsed once, twice, and leaned over and threw up in the toilet.
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7/18/04 11:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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7/19/04 11:28 am (UTC)*roxy back away slowly*
How...nice?
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