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[personal profile] roxy


Title:Mariposa
Fandom: SV
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Rating:2
Summary: an AU version of the story we love.


The Previous Parts are here, wondering…What’s [livejournal.com profile] dustandroses doing tonight?




The Black Angel’s….


Lex was walking before he realized it, standing out side of Lucas’ door. He knocked. “Hey, I’m coming in.”

There he was, crouched in the middle of Lucas’ bed, red-faced, red eyed. He’d pulled the comforter off the bed and wrapped it around himself. “Don’t come in here,” he yelled. Lex ignored him and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Don’t,” Clark yelled, “Don’t touch me!”

“I won’t. I won’t, I promise. Just let me talk to you.”

“What about? There’s nothing to say—I’m shit. You know it and won’t touch me; Lucas knows it and treats me like—like…a whore.” Clark dropped his head. “All I want is someone to care—I feel like I’m going to die and no one will know, or care.”

“Oh Clark, that’s not true, it’s very much not true. You have so many people who care—and I know it might feel like it sometimes, but you can’t die of a broken heart.” Lex winced—a broken heart? Where the hell had that come from?

Clark shook his head. “You don’t understand. I *killed* Whitney, and I killed Buddy—I had to leave home, so I didn’t hurt my parents too or hurt the baby…

For one brief sharp moment Lex took Clark literally—he thought, ‘we can move to Canada, or Mexico, somewhere overseas’ …and logic told him, this kid was not a killer. Clark had lost friends, but he wasn’t personally responsible. “Clark… whatever happened; it couldn’t have been your fault.” That, he was sure of. He’d find out the full story later.

“It was my fault!” Clark cried. “If I’d been paying attention, if I hadn’t distracted Whitney--Whitney—I miss him so much. I miss him, Lex. And god, he’s been gone longer than we were together—how is that fair? How is that right?—I should have died, too.”

Lex pulled him close and held as much of Clark as he could with the bulk of the comforter in the way. “Don’t talk like that, he wouldn’t want that, he wants you to live, no one who loved you would want you to die.” He babbled something, anything just to keep up a constant stream of sound, trying to comfort Clark. Trying to distract himself from visions—flashbacks— of his own life—crying, wishing he was dead because he thought *love* had abandoned him. God, he hoped whoever the fuck Whitney was, he had actually loved Clark.

After a bit Clark calmed enough to talk. “Whit took care of me; he helped me so much…”

Lex patted his back, rubbed circles through the thick material of the comforter. “That blonde guy at the plant, the one whose stretcher you chased--was he your boyfriend?”

“Blonde guy…you…you remember that? You remember me? I thought you didn’t…you were kind of…”

“Clark, even fucked up as I was--both times—you’re hard to forget. You’re really hard to forget.”

Clark gave him a wobbly smile. “I’m not anything special. You should have known Whitney. He was amazing. He was so brave, tried so hard to be something for everyone.” Clark’s eyes clouded again. “He put others before himself, always. He was a hero, you know? He saved me more than once.”

“Hey…you’re a hero too, you saved me.” Lex could feel that Clark was calm again, and let him go, put some space between them.

Clark snorted. “Oh my god—saved you? That’s so funny.”

“Why is it funny? Because I’ll have you know, it’s been a favorite memory of mine for a long time—the time an unbelievably handsome guy stopped me from driving off a bridge, and then helped me pull my car out of a ditch. Good memory. I don’t have many good ones—or clear ones--from that time, you know.” Lex smiled at Clark, and Clark blushed.

“Yeah…well, everyone else saw it a little different. They didn’t think me waving my arms and yelling stop was that big a deal. Thanks for thinking it was, though.”

“My hero.” Clark smiled a little more genuinely at that, and Lex wondered if it was a sin to imagine that smile opening to take him in, wrap around his dick—he shook himself a little. ‘Pervert.’ “Can I get you to come out to the kitchen with me? Get something---some tea?” ‘I might need a tranquilizer’…

Clark nodded.

“Come on, then. Let’s not waste this beautiful day; we can sit in the sun and you can tell me all about him.”

******


The sun was setting, and it was getting cooler, and stars were beginning to dot the sky…Clark was still talking about Smallville, his parents, his friends, his Whitney. Lex listened, and wondered if Clark could ever feel anything for him like he felt for this apparently saintly jock. Clark talked and talked, and they still hadn’t gotten to what it was that made him run, what started him on this road. He seemed to be completely open and honest, but there was something Clark was keeping back. Lex could understand that, respect that—one should never give everything away, certainly not without the promise of something in return…but if he happened to find out what Clark wasn’t saying on his own, well...

“…then Lucas took me, and Van kept everything I had left. I managed to keep that jacket the whole time I was on the street, even that—that—Jake brought it to me, even he knew how important it was to me.”

“Guilt,” Lex said, and Clark nodded.

“And I guess Van must have realized how important it was, too. He took it but I kept this. All I have left of Whitney, and my--my life.” Clark held up his hand, and twirled the heavy ring on his finger, cheap and clunky looking, a cabochon cut piece of red glass or cheap stone winked in the dying light of the sun. Lex tried not to make a face at it—the ring was seriously ugly. The stone looked…weird. Odd. It was too ugly a thing; he almost wanted to say evil, to be a token of love. He reached out to touch it and Clark flinched back. “Oh, I’m sorry…you can touch it. If you want.” he held his hand out again, and a tremor ran through it. Lex carefully touched the ring, slid a finger over the stone—it was skin temperature from the warmth of Clarks hand…he lost control and let his finger glide over the smooth back of Clark’s hand, and Clark shuddered. “Lex…”

“Clark, I wish I could make everything better for you.”

Clark’s eyes seemed to flash red—he leaned over and grabbed Lex’s hand, stroked his thumb across the palm. “You can. Make me feel better.” He smiled, and that fantasy of Clark’s mouth and what it could do came back full force with a nearly painful jolt. The look Clark gave him was meant to be seductive…and it was. Clark looked like he’d offer anything, do anything…shit. It wasn’t hard to imagine what Clark knew how to do…

Damn it. “Clark.” He pulled his hand free, and grabbed his own knee. Hard.

Clark sighed. “All right, all right.” He twisted the ring on his finger, looking more and more lost, like all the progress he’d made was evaporating under the weight of sorrow. His eyes locked with Lex’s—Lex could see the change take place, watched pain morph into fury. His eyes gleamed red, anger made him look sharp and angular, ivory bone on fire inside.

“You know what? I’m fucking sick of whining and fucking sick of begging for this all to be over, and—just sick and tired of everything. I don’t want to remember what I’ve lost—I don’t want to remember *anything*!” He yanked off the ring and threw it—it sailed up and out over the balcony railing, winked a bright, bright red, and sailed out into space--

Clark screamed, a high pitched shriek of sound that froze Lex in place, a sound that beat painfully against his eardrums, stopped the breath in his throat and pierced his heart—Clark was running to the railing, hands grasping air, reaching out,

“Fuck!”

Lex scrambled after, tackled Clark hard and they both crashed to the ground, rolling painfully into the wall. Clark flailed wildly for a second, he screamed, “No no no!! I have to have it back, I have to have it!” and just as suddenly as he’d been gripped by fury, he collapsed.

Lex was straddling Clark; his eyes were blank—black. It scared the hell out of him. Clark looked gone, empty and shuttered. “Clark!” Lex shook him hard, shook him until Clark’s head wobbled on his shoulders, accidentally slammed his head into the concrete wall, and Clark yelled.

“Ow!”

“Clark! Jesus--”

Clark shuddered under Lex, looked at him out of huge stunned eyes. He blinked a time or two, and gasped. “Oh my god—what have I done? Oh my god…Lex.”

“Clark. Clark. Are you all right?” Lex had his fingers twisted tightly in the collar of Clark’s shirt, afraid to let go even as he climbed off, and pulled Clark up to sit. A little blood ran into his collar, and Lex winced. He’d really slammed him hard….

“All right? Hell no. I’m not all right at all. I’m so far from all right, it’s insane.” Clark stared around, murmured, “It’s gotta be a nightmare. This can’t be happening.”

Lex recognized Clark’s look, he used to get that look, too--when he’d been up for days in a row, fucking his way through what felt like the city, aided with the magic of alcohol and chemicals. The good old days. “Come inside, Clark, please. Please come with me.”

Clark readily agreed, hanging onto Lex’s arm, grabbing his hand, looking around as if it was the first time he’d seen the penthouse. “This is yours and Lucas’,” he muttered, “This is Metropolis, and I’ve been…” he looked at Lex, his eyes like coals in his too white face, even his lips were white. “I’ve been doing horrible things. Horrible things happened to me. Lex.” He grabbed Lex’s shoulder. “I need help.”

“I’ll help. I’ve been trying to. I have.”

Clark nodded. “I’m ready…I keep saying that to you, don’t I? He tried to smile, but it broke and slid away, and Lex tried to ignore the tears that fell.


Hurt. Hurthurt hurt. Hurt. Oh my god the hurt. The black tore a huge hole in me, it left me…Breathe, I’m trying to breathe and my chest feels like an elephant is standing on it and what’s happening? How did I get here? How did those things happen, how did I not care? I don’t understand—all the pain that I thought I left behind in Smallville was just cramped up inside me—I see it all again. All of it again. Whitney, and Buddy, Buddy. How did I get here? I want my mom, I want my dad.

I want to go home.

I want Whitney. I don’t want to be alone.

Blink my eyes and I’m above a huge sweep of grass, it’s snowing, the flakes hit my face and feel so good, cold--they melt instantly, run down my face like tears. The sun is high and red, and something is flying in the sky, dipping through pink and bronze clouds, a hawk or…something…with a long, long tail. The name is almost there, on the tip of my tongue. I know this bird. It’s—

A hand on my arm sends a warm shiver through me. The Boy is next to me, he’s so nice and warm, I lean into him and feel Home.

Arms wrap around me, and I’m flying, and he says, Kal, change is coming and it’s going to seem like the most awful thing ever, worse than this pain, worse than losing Whit, worse than losing Lex. But when it comes don’t run from it, run into it. Take it in. You won’t believe how good things will become. I’m so sorry for the pain that is coming. There’s the ghost of a kiss and I’m alone.

Hurt? It’s hurting now, it can’t get worse.

It hurts that I’m betraying Whit. It hurts that I made my parents suffer, it hurts that…Bobbie, Van…so much blood. Things happened and I didn’t move. I didn’t stop it. I watched and watched and I let them do terrible terrible things…

Whitney would never have done that.




TBC….

(no subject)

2/22/07 01:59 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] ladydey.livejournal.com
YAY, no more ring?!?!? Well at least now the healing can really begin.

It seems like Clark's super secret(even from himself) powers are closer to the surface, then I originally thought -- the letdown after Clark pulled the ring off seemed similar in strength to what would happen to a full powered Clark -- ish.

Ohhh, poor Lex - listening to Clark pour out his heart, and wishing that Clark could love him like that. Awwww, don't worry Lex it's coming. It is, just be patient.

I love that Lex sees Clark and a hero, even when Clark doesn't think he is one - so sweet!

I love that Lex finally got Clark to open up some - yay!




Lex and Clark in Smallville should be fun?!? I know it's my fault, but really this should be good.

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:08 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
omigosh, it's so your fault!!!

Even though I'm really looking forward to it now.

Gosh. Screw up my angsty unhappy ending full of pain and crying and rending of garments....

(no subject)

2/22/07 03:55 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] ladydey.livejournal.com
Gosh. Screw up my angsty unhappy ending full of pain and crying and rending of garments....

Then my work is done.. Happy Happy!!

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:06 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] dm-wyatt.livejournal.com
Oh, poor Clark...

*hugs Clark and caresses his shorter hair*

He's heading for more pain than this?

Woo Hoo!

Oh... did I say that out loud...

*winks*

Oh, and I wondering if that ring had red kryptonite in it... it explains a lot that it did.

*grins*

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:13 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
*gasp!*
Evol!!

Yep--first step to heading home for our boy. *grin*

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:16 am (UTC)
danceswithgary: (Default)
Posted by [personal profile] danceswithgary
His eyes gleamed red, anger made him look sharp and angular, ivory bone on fire inside. I love that line!

Lex is so excellent in this section, holding himself back so he can offer comfort. Clark is heartbreakingly sad, ranging from self-disgust to anger to withdrawal into recrimination. Poor woobie. :-(

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:16 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
Thank you! wow, I'm so pleased Lex came off well here, and that Clark's feeling came through. whew! This was a bear, this bit!

The rest of it is a horrible confused mess, but I have faith it's all going to come together!

*hysterical laughter*

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:17 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] rosy5000.livejournal.com
Lex comforting Clark is just... AWWWWWW!!!!! :D

Clark threw the ring!! I feel so sad for him with all his memories coming back of what he did/was done to him. I hope Lex can help him.

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:18 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
thank you! Lex will help, whether Clark wants it or not. :)

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:25 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] arianstarr.livejournal.com
*sniffle* Edge of my seat, as always! You know, I've been checking LJ obsessively since last night hoping you would update. Ack, I just love this story SO MUCH!

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:19 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
Ohgee! *blushgrin* Thank you! Wow, I'm all grinning here! *hug* Best thing ever to start your day off with!

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:34 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] myownghost.livejournal.com
clark's coming back to himself was startlingly effective. i could feel his sense of horror at what he'd been and done. i like lex's compassion for him, too.

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:22 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
Oh thank god--I worked that bit like a rabid pitbull! Thank you so much, that makes the hairpulling worth it!

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:39 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] cinderella81.livejournal.com
Yay for throwing that damn ring!! Now at least Clark can begin to heal ... right??

I kept checking lj, hoping that you'd updated ... and YAY!! You did!!

Can't wait for more ... this has me on the edge of my seat!!

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:23 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
Yes!! Thank goodness! Let the healing begin! whew! *G*

*hug* Thank you lovey!

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:55 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] clarkscherry.livejournal.com
Hmmm, why do I always have a snotty nose after reading your updates? Oh yeah, because I'm such a sap! Why can't I be a heartless bitch? Great update, as always.

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:24 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
Awwwww! *hands you tissue* What a lovely thing to say!

(no subject)

2/22/07 03:07 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] talitha78.livejournal.com
Whew! What a ride. Better than a rollercoaster. Seriously, I was breathless in spots.

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:25 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
*hugs you hard*

If you could see this big old smile--well, it would make you nervous, but--weeee! thank you!!

(no subject)

2/22/07 03:50 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] maisonenflambe.livejournal.com
Aw, man...*sniff*

Clark telling Lex about Whitney, about losing the jacket, then he's throwing the ring and I'm all "Nooo!!!" right along with him. I nearly woke the kids, lol.

*still misses Whit after all these years*

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:26 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
oh! *be all happy* Wow, thank you! What a terrific reaction--for me, anyway! *biggrin*

(no subject)

2/22/07 06:04 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] miss-saigon.livejournal.com
Poor sad Clark. He's just so lost right now, at least the ring is gone and he can really start to get better, right? Lex is being so sweet and supportive, these two are such a perfect little dysfunctional couple, they just need to heal each other, dammit!

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:28 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
Heeee! Yes, exactly! Upward and onward!!

Thanks so much!

(no subject)

2/22/07 06:59 am (UTC)
ext_21868: (ladydoom-ck)
Posted by [identity profile] capnzebbie.livejournal.com
Geez, so instead of the ring turning him into an agressive macho kind of guy, it made him a passive victim? Well, he's well rid of it!

Ack! You're going do something else terrible to him now, aren't you? Ack!

Lex is being so sweet. :)

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:31 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
Yes, with the ring, anytime he felt really strong emotion, it was muted or turned inward. The ring was like an enormous dose of low self esteem. Like he needed that. :)

And gosh, no, I'm not going to do anything too terrible to him--geez!

(no subject)

2/22/07 07:45 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] xinsidemyskinx.livejournal.com
Omg! Fantastic Chapter.

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:33 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
ummm....thank. thank you. Yes.

(no subject)

2/22/07 02:34 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
*does butt waggle of happiness*

(no subject)

2/22/07 10:10 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] jakrar.livejournal.com
This is my favorite chapter so far. Clark is in such pain, thinking he's less than nothing and that no one will ever love him again, and then he loses the crutch that the ring provided, which makes everything (for the moment) so much worse. And Lex is wonderfully compassionate and so anxious to help, and all the time he's just as desperately in need of love as Clark is. *whimper* They need to save each other, and I'm trusting you to see that that happens. *shakes a warning finger at you* Think happy endings!

(no subject)

2/24/07 08:11 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] supercaptain182.livejournal.com
Hair porn! That was absolutely amazing. Such a sensual and moving experience, though both our guys are still full of hurt and desire.

Ah, fantastic.

(no subject)

3/19/07 05:58 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] herohunter.livejournal.com
*Takes a deep breath.*

(no subject)

11/28/07 02:23 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] miche-connor.livejournal.com
So many bits to this part that made me literally talk out loud and back to the story!

Lex, going into confront Clark--well, that's how Clark sees it, though he means it as comfort and I am so glad he's able to say the things he does. He's helping himself, healing himself with them.

"Lex winced—a broken heart? Where the hell had that come from?

Still not quite ready to face what you feel Lex? Oh, you love him so much and know that you're going to get a broken heart when he leaves. Because he MUST leave, now. You're not a pervert for wanting what you want, just a bit premature.

And you get him to talk about whitney... And that dang ring! Oh, it's affecting Lex and he just barely touched it, and he finally, finally gets angry -- at himself, but at least it happens and --oh, there it goes. Not quite what I thought he'd do but--(and part of me hopes it doesn't kill someone when it hits the ground)

"Lex shook him hard, shook him until Clark’s head wobbled on his shoulders, accidentally slammed his head into the concrete wall, and Clark yelled."

Oh I bet it hit that place... oh let more of that horrible kryptonite get washed out from his scalp.

Horrible things happened to me, Lex."

Truer words... And Lex, yes, you are helping him.

Gosh love them both SO much.

And... the bit with the Boy. Oh my. But he has to get through the darkess, doesn't he? BOy is right. I am glad that other part of him kissed him. GLAD.






(no subject)

11/29/07 06:36 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
*hugs you hard*

Thank you!

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