gasp! fic post:mariposa
3/4/07 12:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
roxyTitle:Mariposa
Fandom: SV
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Rating:2
Summary: Things begin to change...it's still AU. But so's my life.
Previous Parts are here, preparing to auction off Anderson Cooper's underwear. Don't ask.
“Aren’t you going to have one with me?” He smiled up at Lex from the corner of the couch he was curled in, one of those awful animated movies jumping across the screen, bright and hyperactive enough to cause seizures….
“I—unh—have this.” He held up a large tumbler full of scotch and no ice cubes, because that would take place of the necessary liquor. “You drink yours, and I’ll drink mine.”
He felt like a butcher, worse when Clark tsked and shook his head.
He was doing the right thing. The right thing—he’d say it over and over until he believed it. He sipped at his drink, and wondered if Dad ever had conversations like this with himself. The scotch hit the back of his throat and he just managed to cover a cough. He didn’t even have to ask if Lucas ever did. He snorted, and Clark mistook it for amusement, and wiped at his lip.
His expression was wistful when he turned his attention back to the china cup balanced in his hand. “I used to get hot chocolate in the Beanery with my—with Whit. The cups weren’t as nice as this one,” he smiled up at Lex. He bent his head to take a sip, and Lex ground out, “Stop.”
Clark looked up, surprised. “Stop?”
“Don’t drink that Clark, it’s got…there are sedatives in it. God, give it to me.” He pulled the cup from Clark’s unresisting fingers, “I’m sorry, it was a stupid—an *unbelievably* stupid idea.”
“Why? Why would you want to—was it some…thing you were ashamed of wanting to do?” He laughed bitterly, “There’s nothing you could want that I haven’t already done. All you had to do was tell me--”
“No!” Lex sliced the air with his free hand, his face twisted in loathing, “Hell *no*, not that. I thought since you won’t let me take you to a doctor, and you know you’re not well… I was trying to help.”
“So, like any caring person would, you drug me unconscious… stupid idea doesn’t begin to describe it, Lex. Are you that concerned or just that angry I won’t do what you want me to?” Clark’s face was red with anger; he knocked the cup from Lex’s hand. Cocoa splashed across his sweater, ran down his chest…Lex leaped back, swiping at the hot fluid with a curse.
Clark was bristling; he fixed Lex with a glare that could set fire to granite. He lunged to his feet, moved too quickly and Lex caught him when he stumbled--nearly stumbled himself. It was like holding a bag of bones. Lex was shocked into begging, “Please. Please, if I can help you have to let me—you can’t ask me to watch you waste away to nothing.”
Lex felt Clark tense, every muscle in his body tight as twisted wire, and then fall limp, so suddenly he almost slipped from Lex’s grasp. “I’m so fucking angry with you. But…to tell the truth, I’m more scared than I’m angry, really scared,” he whispered. “I’m afraid of dying but I’m more afraid of—what might happen if doctors find out the truth.”
“Clark, this could be anything. It could be something minor. That’s why we need to know.” He shook Clark gently. “Listen; there are times I do abysmally stupid things. But it’s because…I care, very much. And in my family, that tends to be expressed in ways that I admit, to most people, seem weird and--scary.” Lex felt almost faint with relief when Clark snuffled out a tiny laugh. “Idiot”, Clark murmured against his sweater, and Lex flushed. “Clark, all I really want is to help you help yourself.”
“I told you before I trust you, and crazy or not, I do. Still.” He nodded at Lex’s huff of surprise. “I can’t believe it either, but….” He pulled away from Lex, scrubbed his hands across his face. He glanced at the dark splotch of cocoa across the grey sweater, and Lex thought he was about to apologize. He laughed a little when Clark only smirked at him. The moment faded, and he was serious again, moved to put a little distance between them. He turned to Lex and sighed.
“If I tell you about myself, I don’t know…I have to start at the beginning. I have to tell you about home, about Smallville, first.”
Lex’s eyes narrowed. Yeah. Smallville. “I spent a few hours in Smallville when I was nine years old. Those few hours had one hell of an impact on my life.” His fingers drifted over his scalp. “This--and other changes, were a gift of the meteorite strike.” He drew himself upright, forced a smile. "Ruined forever my appreciation of falling stars."
“So you know about that part. That was the town’s biggest tragedy. No one’s ever forgotten the day.” Clark laughed, a bitter bark. “There’s no way we can forget…anyway, something else happened that day. I’m not sure how to explain it and for certain, you’ll think I’m crazy---crazier. It is crazy, I hardly believed it myself. I mean, I never saw any evidence of it…until lately. And maybe when I was really little, I think--”
“Clark! Just…*say* it.”
“I’m trying!” He took a deep breath and in a rush, said, “I’m not from Earth I’m an alien.”
“Hah. All right, I apologize. Patience is not my strong suit, I’m afraid. Tell me what you wanted...uuhn…you’re not kidding. Be kidding.”
“No. I am an alien. Not human. And something about being not human is killing me I think. Okay. Now, you can run screaming from the room.”
Lex searched Clark’s face, his eyes. “Seriously? You really think you’re an alien?” Clark looked ready to run, skittish as a frightened colt, but he nodded. “You can’t be--are you really?” His eyes flicked from point to point on Clark’s body, “I mean, why that should be harder to believe than a boy who eats heat or--or a mind reader…” He walked around Clark, his hand barely making contact as he traced the line of Clark’s shoulders. Stroked his cheek, eyes wide with awe, wanting to believe him. “You don’t look any different—is that engineered? How many are there of you? I mean, all Dad—we’ve--found are mutants, different but still human…are you really from another planet? Where? How?”
Clark flinched away from Lex. With every question, his eyes darkened, he backed up away from Lex until the closed door was at his back. “Oh…oh…no. Chloe—Chloe was right…they *were* being kidnapped.”
“They?” Lex guessed Clark meant the mutants, and was stunned. “You knew—and you did nothing?”
“Like what? What were we supposed to do? The adults would never listen to a couple of kids. They’re all too busy denying what happens there. *I* didn’t even believe it at first--by the time I was convinced it was true, I was afraid for myself.” he shrugged, looked ashamed before he spoke again. “Why would you even want us to interfere? I’d think silence is what you wanted?”
“My father happily did things that I’d never consider. He was the one who organized that madness. The kidnapping, the deaths, he was responsible for all that. Lucas and I have been working on a way to end it for everyone involved. Believe me Clark, when we found out what was happening to those people, we felt the way you do.”
“Really?” Clark shook his head. “What would you know about how I feel? You don’t know what it’s like to think you’re normal and find out you’re not, that what you’ve been raised to believe was all wrong. At home, I was always worried—that Chloe would find out what I was, that whoever the mysterious kidnappers were would find out. It was like living under a guillotine, waiting for the blade to drop. You can’t imagine what a life like that is like.”
Lex stared at Clark, remembering. “No, no I can’t imagine what worrying about discovery feels like, but I don’t have to. I know what it was like to be found out. I have something to show you…”
******
At some point during the tape, Lex had given up all pretense of being detached from what was happening on the screen. Clark held Lex’s thin damp hand in his, squeezing—afraid he was holding too tight, but Lex was still. Every so often, a shudder shook him but he was silent.
Clark wondered how it was possible for Lex to spare anything to care for someone else—it must take all his concentration to even pretend to be normal. Every time the boy on the screen screamed, Lex closed his eyes. Clark decided that Lex had had enough—and so had he, he got it, he understood. Lex was probably the only person alive who really understood what Clark had gone through….he reached around Lex, and killed the tape. Enough, any more would bring all the ghosts crowding into the room.
“I remember when you came to Smallville, you and your dad. I thought—I thought you were kind of spoiled—daddy’s little boy. I thought you must be like him. God.”
Lex broke away from him, took a few shallow breaths. He wiped his face. “Um. Sorry, I only watched it once before-- Lucas and I watched it. I didn’t cry then,” he muttered.
“Lucas isn’t exactly the kind of person you want to cry in front of.” Clark sighed, and let Lex move. “Lex…you know my nightmare. I don’t know that I want to be seen by your people. You, I trust, but…what’s to keep them from experimenting on me—or using bits of me…like they did you. How could you stop them?”
Lex leaned back against the couch, and his expression changed, closed. His face was a mask, and his eyes were black. “Well. What will keep that from happening is the total and complete loyalty of the staff to me. And how that happens is re-education. And…Lucas is in charge of that.”
Clark stared at Lex’s hands, folded calmly in his lap. They were still, betrayed nothing of what Lex might be really feeling. He let his eyes drift back up to Lex’s face, his eyes. Everything was in his eyes. Clark had the feeling Lex had no idea what his eyes revealed about him….
He was sure that what Lex was carefully not saying was that anyone who didn’t get with his new program was not going to be fired or reassigned. Lucas didn’t have a problem wiping out anyone Lex pointed him at. “So, in order to keep me safe, you’ll kill.” For me.The words came out flat and expressionless, but they hurt, him and Lex, but Lex forced a smile--that hurt too.
“I’ll protect you.” Lex leapt off the couch, paced the width of the room. He started to speak, and stopped. “Whatever it takes. And if you were wondering, yes, I’m so fucking glad Lucas did what he did. We were owed that. Some things…some things hurt so bad, that you never get over it.”
Acid rose in Clark’s throat. The butterfly on his shoulder felt like was made of razors, was burning under his skin. “Stop. I don’t want to think of them or what happened. I don’t ever want to think of them again.” His fingernails dragged red streaks down his arms…he hoped that those two were burning in hell.
“Give me an answer Clark. Tell me that it’s okay for my doctors to look at you…”
It was pointless to fight anymore, and knowing had to be better than not knowing. And when it was over, he’d ask Lex to take him home. Good news or not, he had to go home. His heart ached, his body ached for it. He needed home. He needed to get out of the city, get away—breathe again…
tbc, lawks
Fandom: SV
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Rating:2
Summary: Things begin to change...it's still AU. But so's my life.
Previous Parts are here, preparing to auction off Anderson Cooper's underwear. Don't ask.
“Aren’t you going to have one with me?” He smiled up at Lex from the corner of the couch he was curled in, one of those awful animated movies jumping across the screen, bright and hyperactive enough to cause seizures….
“I—unh—have this.” He held up a large tumbler full of scotch and no ice cubes, because that would take place of the necessary liquor. “You drink yours, and I’ll drink mine.”
He felt like a butcher, worse when Clark tsked and shook his head.
He was doing the right thing. The right thing—he’d say it over and over until he believed it. He sipped at his drink, and wondered if Dad ever had conversations like this with himself. The scotch hit the back of his throat and he just managed to cover a cough. He didn’t even have to ask if Lucas ever did. He snorted, and Clark mistook it for amusement, and wiped at his lip.
His expression was wistful when he turned his attention back to the china cup balanced in his hand. “I used to get hot chocolate in the Beanery with my—with Whit. The cups weren’t as nice as this one,” he smiled up at Lex. He bent his head to take a sip, and Lex ground out, “Stop.”
Clark looked up, surprised. “Stop?”
“Don’t drink that Clark, it’s got…there are sedatives in it. God, give it to me.” He pulled the cup from Clark’s unresisting fingers, “I’m sorry, it was a stupid—an *unbelievably* stupid idea.”
“Why? Why would you want to—was it some…thing you were ashamed of wanting to do?” He laughed bitterly, “There’s nothing you could want that I haven’t already done. All you had to do was tell me--”
“No!” Lex sliced the air with his free hand, his face twisted in loathing, “Hell *no*, not that. I thought since you won’t let me take you to a doctor, and you know you’re not well… I was trying to help.”
“So, like any caring person would, you drug me unconscious… stupid idea doesn’t begin to describe it, Lex. Are you that concerned or just that angry I won’t do what you want me to?” Clark’s face was red with anger; he knocked the cup from Lex’s hand. Cocoa splashed across his sweater, ran down his chest…Lex leaped back, swiping at the hot fluid with a curse.
Clark was bristling; he fixed Lex with a glare that could set fire to granite. He lunged to his feet, moved too quickly and Lex caught him when he stumbled--nearly stumbled himself. It was like holding a bag of bones. Lex was shocked into begging, “Please. Please, if I can help you have to let me—you can’t ask me to watch you waste away to nothing.”
Lex felt Clark tense, every muscle in his body tight as twisted wire, and then fall limp, so suddenly he almost slipped from Lex’s grasp. “I’m so fucking angry with you. But…to tell the truth, I’m more scared than I’m angry, really scared,” he whispered. “I’m afraid of dying but I’m more afraid of—what might happen if doctors find out the truth.”
“Clark, this could be anything. It could be something minor. That’s why we need to know.” He shook Clark gently. “Listen; there are times I do abysmally stupid things. But it’s because…I care, very much. And in my family, that tends to be expressed in ways that I admit, to most people, seem weird and--scary.” Lex felt almost faint with relief when Clark snuffled out a tiny laugh. “Idiot”, Clark murmured against his sweater, and Lex flushed. “Clark, all I really want is to help you help yourself.”
“I told you before I trust you, and crazy or not, I do. Still.” He nodded at Lex’s huff of surprise. “I can’t believe it either, but….” He pulled away from Lex, scrubbed his hands across his face. He glanced at the dark splotch of cocoa across the grey sweater, and Lex thought he was about to apologize. He laughed a little when Clark only smirked at him. The moment faded, and he was serious again, moved to put a little distance between them. He turned to Lex and sighed.
“If I tell you about myself, I don’t know…I have to start at the beginning. I have to tell you about home, about Smallville, first.”
Lex’s eyes narrowed. Yeah. Smallville. “I spent a few hours in Smallville when I was nine years old. Those few hours had one hell of an impact on my life.” His fingers drifted over his scalp. “This--and other changes, were a gift of the meteorite strike.” He drew himself upright, forced a smile. "Ruined forever my appreciation of falling stars."
“So you know about that part. That was the town’s biggest tragedy. No one’s ever forgotten the day.” Clark laughed, a bitter bark. “There’s no way we can forget…anyway, something else happened that day. I’m not sure how to explain it and for certain, you’ll think I’m crazy---crazier. It is crazy, I hardly believed it myself. I mean, I never saw any evidence of it…until lately. And maybe when I was really little, I think--”
“Clark! Just…*say* it.”
“I’m trying!” He took a deep breath and in a rush, said, “I’m not from Earth I’m an alien.”
“Hah. All right, I apologize. Patience is not my strong suit, I’m afraid. Tell me what you wanted...uuhn…you’re not kidding. Be kidding.”
“No. I am an alien. Not human. And something about being not human is killing me I think. Okay. Now, you can run screaming from the room.”
Lex searched Clark’s face, his eyes. “Seriously? You really think you’re an alien?” Clark looked ready to run, skittish as a frightened colt, but he nodded. “You can’t be--are you really?” His eyes flicked from point to point on Clark’s body, “I mean, why that should be harder to believe than a boy who eats heat or--or a mind reader…” He walked around Clark, his hand barely making contact as he traced the line of Clark’s shoulders. Stroked his cheek, eyes wide with awe, wanting to believe him. “You don’t look any different—is that engineered? How many are there of you? I mean, all Dad—we’ve--found are mutants, different but still human…are you really from another planet? Where? How?”
Clark flinched away from Lex. With every question, his eyes darkened, he backed up away from Lex until the closed door was at his back. “Oh…oh…no. Chloe—Chloe was right…they *were* being kidnapped.”
“They?” Lex guessed Clark meant the mutants, and was stunned. “You knew—and you did nothing?”
“Like what? What were we supposed to do? The adults would never listen to a couple of kids. They’re all too busy denying what happens there. *I* didn’t even believe it at first--by the time I was convinced it was true, I was afraid for myself.” he shrugged, looked ashamed before he spoke again. “Why would you even want us to interfere? I’d think silence is what you wanted?”
“My father happily did things that I’d never consider. He was the one who organized that madness. The kidnapping, the deaths, he was responsible for all that. Lucas and I have been working on a way to end it for everyone involved. Believe me Clark, when we found out what was happening to those people, we felt the way you do.”
“Really?” Clark shook his head. “What would you know about how I feel? You don’t know what it’s like to think you’re normal and find out you’re not, that what you’ve been raised to believe was all wrong. At home, I was always worried—that Chloe would find out what I was, that whoever the mysterious kidnappers were would find out. It was like living under a guillotine, waiting for the blade to drop. You can’t imagine what a life like that is like.”
Lex stared at Clark, remembering. “No, no I can’t imagine what worrying about discovery feels like, but I don’t have to. I know what it was like to be found out. I have something to show you…”
******
At some point during the tape, Lex had given up all pretense of being detached from what was happening on the screen. Clark held Lex’s thin damp hand in his, squeezing—afraid he was holding too tight, but Lex was still. Every so often, a shudder shook him but he was silent.
Clark wondered how it was possible for Lex to spare anything to care for someone else—it must take all his concentration to even pretend to be normal. Every time the boy on the screen screamed, Lex closed his eyes. Clark decided that Lex had had enough—and so had he, he got it, he understood. Lex was probably the only person alive who really understood what Clark had gone through….he reached around Lex, and killed the tape. Enough, any more would bring all the ghosts crowding into the room.
“I remember when you came to Smallville, you and your dad. I thought—I thought you were kind of spoiled—daddy’s little boy. I thought you must be like him. God.”
Lex broke away from him, took a few shallow breaths. He wiped his face. “Um. Sorry, I only watched it once before-- Lucas and I watched it. I didn’t cry then,” he muttered.
“Lucas isn’t exactly the kind of person you want to cry in front of.” Clark sighed, and let Lex move. “Lex…you know my nightmare. I don’t know that I want to be seen by your people. You, I trust, but…what’s to keep them from experimenting on me—or using bits of me…like they did you. How could you stop them?”
Lex leaned back against the couch, and his expression changed, closed. His face was a mask, and his eyes were black. “Well. What will keep that from happening is the total and complete loyalty of the staff to me. And how that happens is re-education. And…Lucas is in charge of that.”
Clark stared at Lex’s hands, folded calmly in his lap. They were still, betrayed nothing of what Lex might be really feeling. He let his eyes drift back up to Lex’s face, his eyes. Everything was in his eyes. Clark had the feeling Lex had no idea what his eyes revealed about him….
He was sure that what Lex was carefully not saying was that anyone who didn’t get with his new program was not going to be fired or reassigned. Lucas didn’t have a problem wiping out anyone Lex pointed him at. “So, in order to keep me safe, you’ll kill.” For me.The words came out flat and expressionless, but they hurt, him and Lex, but Lex forced a smile--that hurt too.
“I’ll protect you.” Lex leapt off the couch, paced the width of the room. He started to speak, and stopped. “Whatever it takes. And if you were wondering, yes, I’m so fucking glad Lucas did what he did. We were owed that. Some things…some things hurt so bad, that you never get over it.”
Acid rose in Clark’s throat. The butterfly on his shoulder felt like was made of razors, was burning under his skin. “Stop. I don’t want to think of them or what happened. I don’t ever want to think of them again.” His fingernails dragged red streaks down his arms…he hoped that those two were burning in hell.
“Give me an answer Clark. Tell me that it’s okay for my doctors to look at you…”
It was pointless to fight anymore, and knowing had to be better than not knowing. And when it was over, he’d ask Lex to take him home. Good news or not, he had to go home. His heart ached, his body ached for it. He needed home. He needed to get out of the city, get away—breathe again…
tbc, lawks
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![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
3/4/07 07:01 pm (UTC)I'm worried for Clark ... and SO want Clark and Lex to be happy together.
(no subject)
3/4/07 07:05 pm (UTC)Hokey smokes--I just posted! That was like instant! *hands you first post truffle*
(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
3/4/07 07:06 pm (UTC)*squishes you*
What a wonderful update. Lex is more like Clark than he is like Lucas and his father!
Yeah!
*twirls you*
I'm glad he did the right thing and was honest with Clark. He really wouldn't have understood...
Wonderful.
(no subject)
3/4/07 07:18 pm (UTC)I was wondering too! Talk about rewriting--stupid dialoge!
If Lex had drugged him, there's be no way he and Clark could ever have any kind of friendship after that.
(no subject)
3/4/07 08:17 pm (UTC)I'd also like to give a shout-out to the Previouslies, who have been on fire for the last half-dozen or so posts. :D
(no subject)
3/4/07 09:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
3/5/07 04:41 am (UTC)The Previouslys are blushing, and beaming at you. (don't trust those dimples for one minute!!)
(no subject)
3/4/07 08:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
3/5/07 04:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
3/4/07 08:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
3/5/07 04:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
3/4/07 08:34 pm (UTC)I loved the update. It was wonderful, in every sense! Can't wait for more!
(no subject)
3/5/07 04:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
3/4/07 08:58 pm (UTC)(running to find last chapter I read)
(no subject)
3/5/07 04:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
3/4/07 09:50 pm (UTC)Yay, Lex! He stopped!
*hugs him*
Oh, boys.
*sniffle*
Roxy, you have to fix him! Our poor boy!!
(no subject)
3/5/07 04:46 am (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
3/4/07 09:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
3/4/07 10:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
3/4/07 09:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
3/5/07 04:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
3/5/07 12:17 am (UTC)The description of Lex's eyes...nearly broke me.
*g*
(no subject)
3/5/07 04:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
3/5/07 01:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
3/5/07 04:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
3/5/07 03:46 am (UTC)(no subject)
3/5/07 04:50 am (UTC)And say, didn't you say you'd be willing to help a sister out? *koff*
(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
3/5/07 06:03 am (UTC)(no subject)
3/5/07 08:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
3/5/07 06:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
3/5/07 08:51 am (UTC)I'm working on that now, and Clark--oy! he's taken over!!!
(no subject)
3/5/07 08:26 am (UTC)IWANTMORESOON!! please :)
(no subject)
3/5/07 08:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
3/5/07 08:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
3/5/07 08:46 am (UTC)Oh, a sidenote here, our Whitney's dead--it's just Clark and Lex now. *wipes tears* It was sad, too....
(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
3/6/07 02:29 am (UTC)Look at you addressing all my concerns and making it better and right - you lovely lady you.
I love that Lex choose the right path - choosing not to drug Clark and talking to him about his concerns - see Lex that is how you win the man of your dreams, that right there.
I love Clark finally talking to Lex, admitting he was scared, but too scared to stay sick and dying. See Clark, that is the way that you get to alien bonding rituals and having a sexy human mate (plus crazy Lucas shaped bodygauard.).
Once the floodgates opened, look at how they shared and how Clark knows that he and Lex are so similar under the skin and in experiences. I love that they have that - not that they were hurt, but that Clark and Lex have a shared vocabulary that they use to get closer and understand one another.
Lex would so kill for Clark, not even have Lucas do it for him - awwwwwww!!!!
You spoil me with making Lex in to a really good man right before my eyes. You go!
(no subject)
3/8/07 01:57 pm (UTC)(no subject)
3/19/07 04:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
10/18/12 04:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
10/18/12 11:23 pm (UTC)