Replying back has failed three times, so here's my notes:
I love the premise. I like the stream of consciousness/internal dialogue. The spacings a little funky in places and might need a littlemore clarification on who's speaking when, but not much. A little fuzzy on whether or not Clark was drunk or not.
I looked at the ending and I really like the tie back to the beginning with the 'other world'. Maybe you're uncomfortable with Lex being left scared, just before that ending, perhaps a sentence or two that makes it clear that Clark was able to relieve that fright.
Hey, do you want to try sending it to roxymissrose@yahoo.com? I'm not sure if that will work, but it's obvious something is wrong with my mail at comcast. I thought my beloved fixed it. :(
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roxy
(no subject)
10/20/07 09:03 pm (UTC)Send it on over if you like. danceswithgary AT yahoo.com. *hugs*
(no subject)
10/20/07 09:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
10/20/07 09:53 pm (UTC)I love the premise. I like the stream of consciousness/internal
dialogue. The spacings a little funky in places and might need a littlemore clarification on who's speaking when, but not much. A little fuzzy on whether or not Clark was drunk or not.
I looked at the ending and I really like the tie back to the beginning with the 'other world'. Maybe you're uncomfortable with Lex being left scared, just before that ending, perhaps a sentence or two that makes it clear that Clark was able to relieve that fright.
(no subject)
10/20/07 09:58 pm (UTC)