SV fic post:Transference part 15
11/25/07 01:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
roxyTitle: Transference
Fandom: SV
Pairing:Clex
Rating: PG
cover by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
danceswithgary
The previous parts of Transference are here.
"And I saw you trying to tank that happiness, Liam." Clark frowned, rubbed his thumb over Liam's rough knuckles. He remembered looking at Lex's hands, and marveling how smooth, how soft they'd looked…he looked up into the grey eyes locked on his. "It's like you don't believe you deserve it."
He laughed. "I don’t. I haven’t done anything to deserve it for a long time."
Clark shook his head. "You need to be comfortable being happy. That's something I had to learn."
"Learn? Learn to be happy—you were happy, Clark. You had a loving family, friends—people who valued you just for--for being you. What wasn't happy about that? What did you lack, Clark?"
Clark sighed. "Yes, I had everything you say—but you know I also had walking a tightrope between lies and the truth, never being able to let go, to be who I really was. Even now, I don't…even when I'm doing…you know, what I do…I feel like some piece of me is still missing. I've felt like that ever since…well, ever since there was this manic on a bridge."
Liam grabbed his car keys from the kitchen counter. "Let's get out of here," he said. "I don’t want to be here…just for now, okay?"
Clark studied Liam. "Where do you want to go—my place? Metropolis? Smallville? I can take you there. I can take you wherever you want to go," Clark said seriously.
Liam stared at Clark as if he'd suddenly gone insane. "Don’t be ridiculous. I just…I'm hungry. I want to go eat. In town."
Clark nearly laughed Hungry? He didn’t think that once in all the time he'd known Lex he'd ever said he was hungry. Lunches with Lex consisted of him watching Clark eat while he tore something into microscopic bits…"Okay, I'll play along. Where should we go, the diner—or how about where we went for our first lunch--The Cow Patty?"
Liam smiled. "You're such a romantic. There are only three places to eat in town anyway. If it's not the C.P., it's the Cove or the diner." He stopped and looked down at the floor. "I'm rather partial to the Cow Patty," he glanced back up at Clark. "But only in an ironic, annoyingly hipster kind of way."
Clark tried to smother a laugh. "Right. I'm sure," he snorted and grinned at Liam, who stared back, a little smile on his lips. He flicked the pink tip of his tongue across the smooth center of his upper lip and tilted his head a little as he did so. Clark's breath caught in his throat. "Ah. Cow Patty it is…" He watched Liam's tongue and tried to exhale softly. The watched just smiled back.
"Shall we go? Clark? Anybody home?"
Clark followed behind him blushing furiously, and cursing himself for being able to control nearly everything about himself but that, and this thing he had for Liam.
After a short and ferocious argument in the parking lot that left them both grinning it was decided that they'd take Liam's car. Clark had protested that he was the better driver, and Liam responded to what he felt was Clark's ridiculous argument by pointing out driving like someone's grandmother did not make one a good driver. Clark felt warm from head to toe—and for the first time since arriving in Turnersville, he felt…awake. Alive. He felt like a cloud had lifted from his mind and finally he was able to see, to think.
The Cow Patty's bright, hard and shiny surfaces glowed red, blue and gold, and Clark realized that was part of the reason he wasn't especially crazy about the place. The color scheme reminded him of the suit, something he didn’t care for in his down time. Time which was rapidly coming to an end. He shook his head, and turned his concentration to Liam who was making sure his place setting was precisely aligned. A cheerful waitress greeted Liam warmly, got there orders and winked at him. Clark felt a little thrill of surprise, and increasing warmth as Liam gently flirted back. He pressed the edges of a paper napkin together again and again until he had a tidy little triangle of white.
"So," Clark drawled. "You began a new life as a fidget?"
The question startled Liam into laughter, and Clark smiled. How much had he missed that laugh? It made words fall out of his mouth he'd rather have kept unspoken…"I always regretted what happened after."
Liam looked away at first, his mouth tight, and then looked directly into Clark's eyes. "I do, *now*. I'd always believed without doubt I was in the right, and you were withholding what I needed to make the world safe—to be safe myself. I thought it was a conscious, vicious decision on your part. I'm a Luthor, so of course I took that as a signal and permission to show no mercy, because you showed me none." He looked down and away. "And then I proceeded to destroy myself. In the end…" He stopped as the smiling waitress appeared with coffee for him and a coke with extra ice for Clark. When she whisked away again, Clark took up where the conversation had left off.
"In the end, you made the decision to start again. To put yourself back on the path you should have been on all along."
"But…you *know*. You had the dreams with me. You know… How can you be so calm? I don’t understand how you can be so—so accepting."
"Liam, what you did—I know it was wrong. I was there—I *did* it. I felt that shot slam through me; just like you did…I'm not forgiving you. It's not my job. I'm…refusing to think about it."
"You can't *refuse* to think about it--" Liam snapped at him, shock making his face pale. Clark shrugged.
"I'm not eighteen anymore. Things happen, things have happened to me." he said wryly. "I'm not at all like that person you knew then, haven't you been paying attention?"
Liam smiled just a little at that, and Clark too, when had he ever not paid attention to Clark?
Clark went on, "All I know is, I'd like to be friends with Liam Miles—he's a great guy, who reminds me of the best in a friend I had a long, long time ago."
"Clark…I'm…you…your columns are the first thing I read every day. You have a way with words." Liam's eyes sparkled. "I knew it was inside you, all that—wonder, that wanting to share, to help--to explain. You just weren't allowed to let it loose. I see you found a way to do that. More than one way."
"Liam, it's the same with you, the wanting to share, to help. I've seen you with your kids, your friends. Your boyfriend." Clark scowled.
"Ed bothers you?"
"Ed's not anywhere good enough for you."
Liam leaned back against his seat and threw an arm along the bench back. He looked supremely comfortable, content. Clark felt a part of him try to memorize the moment…how he looked, how he smiled, the way tiny lines crinkled the corners of his eyes, the fine lines that came from smiling bracketed his mouth—lines that hadn't ever marred his old friend's face. It was still strange to see Liam look so at home. So relaxed in a way that Lex had never been, even though he'd acted it very convincingly. He smiled back at Clark and said, "He's not good enough for me, is he? But he kept me here, you know? Without him, without someone to ground me somehow, I'm afraid I'll descend into a collection of tics and habits."
Clark stared at the perfectly aligned silverware, the neatly refolded paper napkin and blushed deep red. "I, unh, I might have…given him the impression that…he's not wanted here anymore. Sorry." Clark frowned and went on, "You need to let yourself breathe, Liam. Let yourself have a full life, one with someone who treasures you, not wants to own you."
"Clark! That is so typical—" Liam stopped, took a deep breath. "Doesn't matter, anyway. I think I gave him the boot. Finally. But thank you for jumping in unasked." his tone was sardonic, a little icy, but Clark knew to ignore his voice, and look at his eyes….his eyes were warmer than his tone. "So, I should seek out someone who treasures me, eh?" he continued. "People like that aren't exactly a dime a dozen, right? Though you seem to have managed it."
Clark nodded, more of a jerk of the head than an affirmation. "Yes, yeah, I—she doesn't want to own me, that's for damn sure," he said. He sucked loud and long on the straw in his glass, and ignored the pointed looks of other diners. Liam bit his lip to keep in laughter, and Clark sucked quietly this time, and enjoyed Liam's bright eyes. He looked the way Clark had always wanted Lex to look. Suddenly he heard himself say, "I always loved you. I mean--"
Liam grabbed a menu and stared at it. "I'm going to ignore what you said, and order a BLT."
Clark muttered, "thank you, God"—louder, he said. "Me too. BLT." He looked up in time to catch a warm smile. Clark slid his feet across the floor under the tiny table, and bracketed Liam's. He stared at the menu as he did it, suddenly too shy to look. He felt a stiffness in the feet he captured with his own, and then…he felt Liam relax, felt him press back.
Conversation stopped when the burgers came, and they ate quietly. Clark was the first to see Ed and his fiancée walk in, and after what looked like a brief but intense discussion, head quickly towards the rear of the restaurant.
"Well," Liam said slowly, "that's interesting. She looks kind of…annoyed. I wonder if she knows." He sipped casually at his coffee and Clark watched the little lines settle in new angles around his eyes, and his mouth tighten faintly, and the look was too familiar. Clark felt anger flare in the center of his chest.
"Liam, what if they—everyone--knew you were gay?"
"What? I—I don’t know. They'd either deal, or I'd get a new job, not that I'd really want to leave. It just hasn't come up. I haven’t dated until recently—until Ed, and I kept it quiet for him…why?"
Clark stood up and planted a chaste kiss on Liam's forehead. "Hair…." he muttered, "hunh."
He looked at Liam, an openly speculative look that it left no doubt what he was wondering, and Liam pinked. "Stop," he murmured. Heads turned their way, curiosity on most faces, shock on some…
"Nope, not ever going to stop," Clark said. He walked away before Liam could hold him, came to a stop in front of Ed's table. "Guess what?" he smirked. "You lose. I win. Too bad for you." He sauntered back to Liam's table, and looked over his shoulder with a grin. Ed's fiancé was poking him. Clark let himself listen in to their conversation.
"What does he mean you lose? What's he talking about?" She looked in their direction too, and looked back at a red-faced, scowling Ed. "What does he mean?"
Liam gaped at Clark. "What are you trying to do?"
"Open up your life. Let people know who treasures you." He grabbed Liam's hand and kissed his knuckles—Liam almost pulled his hand free, but then relaxed. Smiled.
"Get me fired, you mean. If I lose this job, you'll have to support me."
"Are you kidding? You're the one with all the big inheritance and rich relations." Clark stopped, and thought. "Ignore that."
"Oh, believe me; I've already forced it from my mind." He shuddered delicately and shifted his hand to curl around Clark's. Neither one of them paid the slightest attention to the buzz in the background.
Fandom: SV
Pairing:Clex
Rating: PG
cover by
danceswithgaryThe previous parts of Transference are here.
"And I saw you trying to tank that happiness, Liam." Clark frowned, rubbed his thumb over Liam's rough knuckles. He remembered looking at Lex's hands, and marveling how smooth, how soft they'd looked…he looked up into the grey eyes locked on his. "It's like you don't believe you deserve it."
He laughed. "I don’t. I haven’t done anything to deserve it for a long time."
Clark shook his head. "You need to be comfortable being happy. That's something I had to learn."
"Learn? Learn to be happy—you were happy, Clark. You had a loving family, friends—people who valued you just for--for being you. What wasn't happy about that? What did you lack, Clark?"
Clark sighed. "Yes, I had everything you say—but you know I also had walking a tightrope between lies and the truth, never being able to let go, to be who I really was. Even now, I don't…even when I'm doing…you know, what I do…I feel like some piece of me is still missing. I've felt like that ever since…well, ever since there was this manic on a bridge."
Liam grabbed his car keys from the kitchen counter. "Let's get out of here," he said. "I don’t want to be here…just for now, okay?"
Clark studied Liam. "Where do you want to go—my place? Metropolis? Smallville? I can take you there. I can take you wherever you want to go," Clark said seriously.
Liam stared at Clark as if he'd suddenly gone insane. "Don’t be ridiculous. I just…I'm hungry. I want to go eat. In town."
Clark nearly laughed Hungry? He didn’t think that once in all the time he'd known Lex he'd ever said he was hungry. Lunches with Lex consisted of him watching Clark eat while he tore something into microscopic bits…"Okay, I'll play along. Where should we go, the diner—or how about where we went for our first lunch--The Cow Patty?"
Liam smiled. "You're such a romantic. There are only three places to eat in town anyway. If it's not the C.P., it's the Cove or the diner." He stopped and looked down at the floor. "I'm rather partial to the Cow Patty," he glanced back up at Clark. "But only in an ironic, annoyingly hipster kind of way."
Clark tried to smother a laugh. "Right. I'm sure," he snorted and grinned at Liam, who stared back, a little smile on his lips. He flicked the pink tip of his tongue across the smooth center of his upper lip and tilted his head a little as he did so. Clark's breath caught in his throat. "Ah. Cow Patty it is…" He watched Liam's tongue and tried to exhale softly. The watched just smiled back.
"Shall we go? Clark? Anybody home?"
Clark followed behind him blushing furiously, and cursing himself for being able to control nearly everything about himself but that, and this thing he had for Liam.
After a short and ferocious argument in the parking lot that left them both grinning it was decided that they'd take Liam's car. Clark had protested that he was the better driver, and Liam responded to what he felt was Clark's ridiculous argument by pointing out driving like someone's grandmother did not make one a good driver. Clark felt warm from head to toe—and for the first time since arriving in Turnersville, he felt…awake. Alive. He felt like a cloud had lifted from his mind and finally he was able to see, to think.
The Cow Patty's bright, hard and shiny surfaces glowed red, blue and gold, and Clark realized that was part of the reason he wasn't especially crazy about the place. The color scheme reminded him of the suit, something he didn’t care for in his down time. Time which was rapidly coming to an end. He shook his head, and turned his concentration to Liam who was making sure his place setting was precisely aligned. A cheerful waitress greeted Liam warmly, got there orders and winked at him. Clark felt a little thrill of surprise, and increasing warmth as Liam gently flirted back. He pressed the edges of a paper napkin together again and again until he had a tidy little triangle of white.
"So," Clark drawled. "You began a new life as a fidget?"
The question startled Liam into laughter, and Clark smiled. How much had he missed that laugh? It made words fall out of his mouth he'd rather have kept unspoken…"I always regretted what happened after."
Liam looked away at first, his mouth tight, and then looked directly into Clark's eyes. "I do, *now*. I'd always believed without doubt I was in the right, and you were withholding what I needed to make the world safe—to be safe myself. I thought it was a conscious, vicious decision on your part. I'm a Luthor, so of course I took that as a signal and permission to show no mercy, because you showed me none." He looked down and away. "And then I proceeded to destroy myself. In the end…" He stopped as the smiling waitress appeared with coffee for him and a coke with extra ice for Clark. When she whisked away again, Clark took up where the conversation had left off.
"In the end, you made the decision to start again. To put yourself back on the path you should have been on all along."
"But…you *know*. You had the dreams with me. You know… How can you be so calm? I don’t understand how you can be so—so accepting."
"Liam, what you did—I know it was wrong. I was there—I *did* it. I felt that shot slam through me; just like you did…I'm not forgiving you. It's not my job. I'm…refusing to think about it."
"You can't *refuse* to think about it--" Liam snapped at him, shock making his face pale. Clark shrugged.
"I'm not eighteen anymore. Things happen, things have happened to me." he said wryly. "I'm not at all like that person you knew then, haven't you been paying attention?"
Liam smiled just a little at that, and Clark too, when had he ever not paid attention to Clark?
Clark went on, "All I know is, I'd like to be friends with Liam Miles—he's a great guy, who reminds me of the best in a friend I had a long, long time ago."
"Clark…I'm…you…your columns are the first thing I read every day. You have a way with words." Liam's eyes sparkled. "I knew it was inside you, all that—wonder, that wanting to share, to help--to explain. You just weren't allowed to let it loose. I see you found a way to do that. More than one way."
"Liam, it's the same with you, the wanting to share, to help. I've seen you with your kids, your friends. Your boyfriend." Clark scowled.
"Ed bothers you?"
"Ed's not anywhere good enough for you."
Liam leaned back against his seat and threw an arm along the bench back. He looked supremely comfortable, content. Clark felt a part of him try to memorize the moment…how he looked, how he smiled, the way tiny lines crinkled the corners of his eyes, the fine lines that came from smiling bracketed his mouth—lines that hadn't ever marred his old friend's face. It was still strange to see Liam look so at home. So relaxed in a way that Lex had never been, even though he'd acted it very convincingly. He smiled back at Clark and said, "He's not good enough for me, is he? But he kept me here, you know? Without him, without someone to ground me somehow, I'm afraid I'll descend into a collection of tics and habits."
Clark stared at the perfectly aligned silverware, the neatly refolded paper napkin and blushed deep red. "I, unh, I might have…given him the impression that…he's not wanted here anymore. Sorry." Clark frowned and went on, "You need to let yourself breathe, Liam. Let yourself have a full life, one with someone who treasures you, not wants to own you."
"Clark! That is so typical—" Liam stopped, took a deep breath. "Doesn't matter, anyway. I think I gave him the boot. Finally. But thank you for jumping in unasked." his tone was sardonic, a little icy, but Clark knew to ignore his voice, and look at his eyes….his eyes were warmer than his tone. "So, I should seek out someone who treasures me, eh?" he continued. "People like that aren't exactly a dime a dozen, right? Though you seem to have managed it."
Clark nodded, more of a jerk of the head than an affirmation. "Yes, yeah, I—she doesn't want to own me, that's for damn sure," he said. He sucked loud and long on the straw in his glass, and ignored the pointed looks of other diners. Liam bit his lip to keep in laughter, and Clark sucked quietly this time, and enjoyed Liam's bright eyes. He looked the way Clark had always wanted Lex to look. Suddenly he heard himself say, "I always loved you. I mean--"
Liam grabbed a menu and stared at it. "I'm going to ignore what you said, and order a BLT."
Clark muttered, "thank you, God"—louder, he said. "Me too. BLT." He looked up in time to catch a warm smile. Clark slid his feet across the floor under the tiny table, and bracketed Liam's. He stared at the menu as he did it, suddenly too shy to look. He felt a stiffness in the feet he captured with his own, and then…he felt Liam relax, felt him press back.
Conversation stopped when the burgers came, and they ate quietly. Clark was the first to see Ed and his fiancée walk in, and after what looked like a brief but intense discussion, head quickly towards the rear of the restaurant.
"Well," Liam said slowly, "that's interesting. She looks kind of…annoyed. I wonder if she knows." He sipped casually at his coffee and Clark watched the little lines settle in new angles around his eyes, and his mouth tighten faintly, and the look was too familiar. Clark felt anger flare in the center of his chest.
"Liam, what if they—everyone--knew you were gay?"
"What? I—I don’t know. They'd either deal, or I'd get a new job, not that I'd really want to leave. It just hasn't come up. I haven’t dated until recently—until Ed, and I kept it quiet for him…why?"
Clark stood up and planted a chaste kiss on Liam's forehead. "Hair…." he muttered, "hunh."
He looked at Liam, an openly speculative look that it left no doubt what he was wondering, and Liam pinked. "Stop," he murmured. Heads turned their way, curiosity on most faces, shock on some…
"Nope, not ever going to stop," Clark said. He walked away before Liam could hold him, came to a stop in front of Ed's table. "Guess what?" he smirked. "You lose. I win. Too bad for you." He sauntered back to Liam's table, and looked over his shoulder with a grin. Ed's fiancé was poking him. Clark let himself listen in to their conversation.
"What does he mean you lose? What's he talking about?" She looked in their direction too, and looked back at a red-faced, scowling Ed. "What does he mean?"
Liam gaped at Clark. "What are you trying to do?"
"Open up your life. Let people know who treasures you." He grabbed Liam's hand and kissed his knuckles—Liam almost pulled his hand free, but then relaxed. Smiled.
"Get me fired, you mean. If I lose this job, you'll have to support me."
"Are you kidding? You're the one with all the big inheritance and rich relations." Clark stopped, and thought. "Ignore that."
"Oh, believe me; I've already forced it from my mind." He shuddered delicately and shifted his hand to curl around Clark's. Neither one of them paid the slightest attention to the buzz in the background.
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![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
11/25/07 07:37 am (UTC)I love that Clark still has his childish tendency's and god could those two be any cuter together it makes me want to just snuggle up in between them and well no i think i'd do that anyway heh.
Great new installment babes.
(no subject)
11/27/07 11:53 pm (UTC)could those two be any cuter together it makes me want to just snuggle up in between them and well no i think i'd do that anyway heh
lol!
(no subject)
11/25/07 08:04 am (UTC)I absolutely LOVE Clark taunting Ed. *evil grins*
Clark holding Lex's hand and kissing his knuckles is just so adorably sweet!
(no subject)
11/27/07 11:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
11/25/07 11:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
11/27/07 11:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
11/25/07 01:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
11/27/07 11:56 pm (UTC)Thanks so much, I'mn *so* glad you liked that bit!
(no subject)
11/25/07 03:55 pm (UTC)Good for Clark.
(And to be a fly on the wall when Ed gets what's coming to him.)
(no subject)
11/28/07 12:02 am (UTC)(And to be a fly on the wall when Ed gets what's coming to him.)
oh, yeah!
(no subject)
11/25/07 05:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
11/28/07 12:03 am (UTC)Just like youuu!
(no subject)
11/25/07 08:33 pm (UTC)This would be perfect on SV. To hear Lex say this to Lana after kissing CLark in front of her. So, can you make that happen, soon? ;)
Great chapter. Clark and Liam are finally opening up without the old barriers. It was also good to see that Ed is an ass no matter who he's with. I hope that Liam doesn't loose his job. Unless of course that means that he will become Clark's kept man, then YAY! No job for you!
(no subject)
11/28/07 12:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
11/26/07 06:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
11/28/07 12:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
11/26/07 07:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
11/28/07 12:06 am (UTC)Hello! Thank you! I love you with equal fire!
(no subject)
11/26/07 11:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
11/28/07 12:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
11/29/07 02:44 pm (UTC)this part was brilliant, Liams confession why he was who he were , just made me melting for him..sighs, so romantic!
(no subject)
12/3/07 01:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
12/2/07 10:42 pm (UTC)This: Clark had protested that he was the better driver, and Liam responded to what he felt was Clark's ridiculous argument by pointing out driving like someone's grandmother did not make one a good driver.
I LOVE that! I love them bantering. *sigh*
And THIS! "So," Clark drawled. "You began a new life as a fidget?"
*giggles* The way you have them speak to one another. It's so easy to accept as just being THEM, because it's so comfortable (does that make any kind of sense?).
Just wonderful! *Snoopy dances*
(no subject)
12/3/07 01:21 am (UTC)I also wanted to show that this Clark was older and different than the one we know, and snarkiness was one way to do that. :)
(no subject)
3/10/13 06:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
3/11/13 01:05 am (UTC)I'm glad you liked what there was though. ♥
This fandom gave me so much--I'll never forget how loved ya'll made me feel--and still make me feel. *hugs*