roxy: (spndean sky by _cuethepulse)
[personal profile] roxy
Title:To The Waters And The Wild
Fandom:SpN
Author:roxy
PairingsDean/Sam
Rating:R
Word Count:2376



On the way back home that evening, Dean was jumpy and grouchy, pulling away when Sam tried to touch him. He grunted and flinched away like he hadn't for days, suspicious and so tense he vibrated. He kept watching Sam the way he'd watched Raph, from the corner of his eyes, muttering faintly, until finally Sam stopped him.

"What is it? You've been acting like a cat on coals since we left the job. Did something happen?" He unlocked their apartment door, and they did the shuffle-stop-shuffle they always did as each of them tried to step in front of the other and enter the place first.

Dean shook his head quickly. "No, nothing."

"You sure?" He managed to get in the door first, and squinted at Dean.

Dean glanced this way and that, anywhere but at him, before speaking. "Yeah…Raph. Is he your friend?"

"Well, yeah—my employee but I consider him a friend too. Why?" He turned on the lights, automatically scanning the room as he did; next to him Dean did the same.

"Raph likes you. He's…solid." Dean made a frustrated sound, his hands trying to help shape his words. "Safe. Um. He wants to make sure you're safe."

Sam nodded. "Sure, that's what we do for each other. We look out for each other on the job and—"

"That's my job," Dean snarled. "I keep you safe, and I don’t share." Almost at once his face fell. "I'm *supposed* to keep you safe. But…I can't. Not like—not yet." He smacked the side of his head. "Stupid, slow…this brain won’t fix fast enough."

"Hey! Don't do that." Sam grabbed his hand, curled his fingers around Dean's and squeezed just enough so he could feel it. "You're doing great, you're getting better and better every day. And you still do your job, you still keep me safe. You always do. I trust you to do that."

Den looked up at him. "Yeah?" He smiled at Sam's nod and huffed. "I'd try. Still…Raph. I don’t like him being in here so much." He tapped Sam's forehead gently, lips twisted in a wry grin, and Sam flushed a little. Dean shook his head and gave Sam a frown. "It's just not…right, you know? The way you look at him sometime. The way you—" Dean stopped and shrugged.

"I don't look at him any sort of way…it's not like that." Except it was a little. "Besides, Raph isn't—" Shit. What the fuck. Did he have to explain himself to his brother? And why was he even trying?

Dean smirked. "I know what Raph is—he's a friend. Danny, *he* wants something else. I watch him watch you. S'funny."

Sam's jaw dropped and he stuttered, "Um. What?" Did this conversation really just turn into a discussion of his possible sex life…with Dean claiming some sort of a say in it?

~~~~o0o~~~~


Sam tried to get comfortable on the couch, but the ache in his knees and the day's events kept running through his mind--in particular, Dean's attitude towards Raph and what he seemed to be implying about Sam's feelings towards Raph, and really, there was no need to feel *guilty* about it, damn it…his eyelids got heavy as he thought, and he slipped seamlessly into dreaming.

In his dream, he lay on the couch, trying to get comfortable, but the ache in his knees made that difficult, and what Dean had said kept replaying in his head as he drifted…he was almost completely asleep when he heard the bedroom door creak, and then the floor, as weight moved across it. He could feel Dean standing in front of him, looking down at him. He cracked his eyes and he saw Dean, his head turning towards the light from the bedroom, saw how it turned his eyes into flat coins of jade. He shifted again and jade bled into lemon yellow and then into the shade of green gold that Dean's eyes really were….

Dean eased carefully to his knees and Sam froze, afraid to breathe. Dean leaned into him and sniffed heartily, sniffed at his nose, his mouth, great deep breaths and let out a small sound and Sam was instantly, achingly, hard….

He bent closer and licked at Sam's jaw, his mouth—wet warmth exploded over his lips and throat. Sam tried to move, it was the right thing, he should move, he needed…he found he couldn't. He was paralyzed, the way you were in a nightmare, frozen in the moment, defenseless…Dean's nose moved over his neck, down, skating collarbone and sternum and then…a tap of tongue, a rough wet scrape of tongue over his nipple, testing, and then, torturing it to stand high and stiff, and Sam's already diamond hard dick jerked and wept in his boxers.

Dean moved away, and if Sam could have made a sound, it would have been a shout of disappointment. But…Dean chuckled, and hot gusts beat against Sam's tortured skin. Dean just slid lower, Sam breathed harder, and then…Dean made a satisfied sound and pressed his face against Sam's cotton covered dick, inhaling, inhaling greedily until finally, he pulled the cotton away and broke the spell, Sam could move. At least he thought he could until Dean opened his mouth….

Hot breath flooded his groin, and that tongue again, but pressed against his balls this time, stroking over delicate thin skin, lifting it to his lips…mouthing silky skin, sucking gently, the touch of teeth, soft, tender…Sam felt the warm drip of precome pool against his skin and…and…then Dean was on him, or he was in Dean. Dean was sucking on the head of his dick, drilling the tip of his tongue inside him, rolling the soaking head across his lips, his cheeks, back in his mouth, and Sam grit his teeth, a long, low moan broke through his fight against it anyway, and fuck, just--the overwhelming need to let go crawled up on him and he fought it, fought it, fought it--and lost. It felt wonderful to let go, let the feeling flood him, fill him, release him…

He woke up with a full body jerk and an aching hard-on and a tremendous feeling of guilt. His boxers were a little damp where his dick had pressed and leaked against the material and he cursed, and was grateful he was on the couch…alone. Dean's mouth. His lips had been so warm, so full and soft—hard to believe it was a dream. He lay still, his hand curled over his throbbing dick, too drained to move. Finally he dragged himself to his feet with a great sigh. It took a tremendous act of will not to shove his shorts down around his knees and jerk off right there. He tip-toed to the closed bedroom door, and forced himself to go past it. He shut the bathroom door, and after a second, locked it.

~~~~o0o~~~~


And then, kind of like a bad joke, Ruby came back.

It was on a Saturday, and they'd spent most of that day doing laundry in the basement of their apartment building, because you could go to hell and rescue your brother, you could alert the right people to a den of hungry werewolves and send a reluctant ghost to its last reward but still, coffee ran out, milk went bad, laundry piled up, and underwear got scarce. So….

Doing laundry wasn't something that Sam hated but it'd always bored Dean to tears, and a bored Dean was a really fucking annoying Dean. Had been. It was…different now.

*This* Dean was fascinated by the tumbling clothes in the dryers, seemed to like the warmth they spilled. Sam told himself it was fine, that it didn't worry him when Dean did stuff like that, when he acted…off center. He watched Dean staring into the little glass port and his chest tightened painfully. Dean had both hands pressed to the metal on either side of the glass port, his brows wrinkled, and frowning slightly. And just at the moment Sam felt panic lodge in his throat, Dean lifted his head and caught Sam's eyes and smiled, and the sharp knot twisting him up loosened. His brother shrugged and said, "It's like watching the most boring show ever. Shit, doing laundry still sucks ass." He stood. "Thought after spending all that time in hell, even doing boring shit would be…interesting? Comforting? But…" He shrugged again and grinned. "Guess not."

Sam was rocked by conflicting emotions—shock, surprise, a wild, thrilled, rocketing kind of relief and hope—it was like stepping through a door and being greeted by his brother—*his* Dean—he laughed harder than the statement probably warranted, but it just felt so fucking *good*, and Dean watched him, grinning like he'd won some kind of prize by making Sam laugh.

After that, time passed comfortably, Sam shoving clothes into the washer and then the dryer, Dean helping to fold dry clothes, which mostly meant he rolled them into careless balls and dropped them in the basket…just like normal. Sam was even relaxed enough to sing, or try to…some old song his dad used to like.

Dean crinkled his nose. "You still can't sing for crap—" He stopped, all playfulness melted away. He stared at the floor, pale and fearful.

Sam swallowed down a pinprick of sadness. Dean. For every couple of steps forward….

He was still so wary, like he was afraid to insult Sam for some reason…it was all right. Dean would get over that eventually—he had to get over that. Sam dropped the sweat shirt he'd unconsciously balled up in his hands, reached out to Dean. "Hey, it's okay you know, you can say I suck at singing, not like I don't know it's true—" A cold buzz of energy made the hair on his arms stand. Who the fuck….

"Hello Sam." She strutted around the folding table to face him and smiled, blue eyes crackling in a pale freckled complexion, long blonde curls bouncing as she walked.

It figured. Just when he thought things were getting better, too. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Hey, I just thought I was helping, don’t blame me if you didn't get…" Ruby stopped and looked curiously at Dean. "Who's this—a civilian? You dating now—?" And did a double take. "Dean?" she gasped, and then wrinkled her nose. "What the fu—" She stopped, gulped, and started backpedaling. "Hi—hi. Dean. "

Dean stared, his lip lifted a little and bristled like a pissed off pit bull. "What is it?" he snapped. He took a step forward and growled, "What does it want?"

Sam instinctively pushed the demon behind him, and that just pissed Dean off even more. His green eyes were snapping as he took another step forward, almost running into Sam's outstretched arm. "It's just Ruby, Dean. No one important."

"Hey! I'm standing right here. Besides. I'm the one who told you how to get him back! I have to say," she peeked around Sam's shoulder, and smirked, "he sure has changed."

He stepped away from her, and grabbing Dean, put the folding table between them. "Yeah, funny thing that—three years in hell will do that to you. Bitch. Three. Years." Sam glared, his jaw working, cat's eyes narrowed and furious. "Three motherfucking years—" He heard—almost felt--a low growl at his back, felt heat as Dean crowded against his back.

"Well, it wasn't like you were weeping and wailing and mourning your brother. You pretty much laid half of Brooklyn that second year."

Sam stilled. Rage swept him in a cold wave, filled his veins with ice. He was not going to smack her down in front of Dean, but he wasn't powerless. He could do—this—pushed himself inside her mind, spoke to her. I'll kill you. I'll pull you out of that corpse and make it so you're dead forever. He could feel Dean's eyes on him, feel his heart pound where he was pressed against him. "Tell me what you want," he said out loud.

She gasped and staggered a little, like she'd been dropped from a height. A stray thought belonging to her brushed the surface of Sam's mind…'How…how did you learn to do that without—'

Her eyes were wide and scared, her lip trembled before she said aloud, "I…I told you, I don’t want anything from you. Just…thought I'd drop in, check on you…and remind you if you need me, I'm here for you boys. Whenever you need me." She struggled to pull her cocky attitude back on, it sat on her like an ill-fitting sweater. She winked at Dean, and grinned when he hissed and flinched away. "You're cute—cuter than you used to be."

She wheeled around and left the laundry room, Sam caught the faintest whiff of sulfur under the warm scent of fabric softener and detergent.

"It was that demon, wasn't it? I remember—what did it want? Why are you angry?"

Dean growled again, so deep it vibrated through Sam's body. Sam swallowed. It was—he didn't even want to think how hot he found it. He shook his head. "You don’t remember Ruby? Good. Don’t worry about her. She's not important." Not anymore.

Dean took his words completely at face value and assured Sam, "I won't. But what did it mean about you? It said—"

Sam turned and wrapped his hands over Dean's shoulders, shook him gently. "Hey. She's a demon. Demons lie. They all lie. Most important lesson--never listen to a demon."

"But it said it did something to help you get me back, if that wasn't a lie, why would it lie about—" Dean looked at Sam. "Were you glad to have me gone? Were you glad to get free of that…that life?"

"No! Never, never. I needed you, okay? I needed you when you were gone and I need you now--you're my brother. You matter to me, okay? *Okay*?"

Dean shoved Sam's arm off his shoulder and it stung, but…he let Dean move away from him. "Okay. Okay, I get it. You too, Sam. Sam is…you're that important to me, too."

part 14
TBC

(no subject)

1/27/09 12:37 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] rednihilist.livejournal.com
*weeps* Oh, hokey smokes, woman! Eeeeeeeee! *runs around in circle*

Though wild and angry, territorial Dean was good to see. Hot, too! (And Sam, that horny, slavering ball of guilt and emo-angst!).

(no subject)

1/27/09 01:11 am (UTC)
tabaqui: (s&dabovebybittersweet_art)
Posted by [personal profile] tabaqui
Ooooooh, man.
Secrets and lies. Never good things.

(no subject)

1/27/09 02:08 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] selinamoonfire.livejournal.com
Awww...nothing is ever easy for the boys. *smishes them and sends you positive thoughts*

(update update update...)

(no subject)

1/27/09 02:16 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
*CLINGS*

You know you are too kind to me, right? :)

(no subject)

1/27/09 02:19 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] selinamoonfire.livejournal.com
*clings back* You're the one putting up with my insane muses. :P

(no subject)

5/12/09 06:54 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] rockstarpeach.livejournal.com
Uh oh. I sense trouble. Poor Dean, starting to get his shit together, and then he starts to think that Sam was better off without him.

*sniffle*

Can hardly wait for more!

And that was one smokin' hot dream scene :)

(no subject)

5/12/09 10:52 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
*GRINS*
Yay, thanks!

Sense trouble, eh? You are wise. *nods*

(no subject)

5/12/09 07:22 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] ash-carpenter.livejournal.com
Gah! Demon bitch! *hisses at her*

It's nice to see more pieces of Dean coming back together. Unfortunately, they seem to be falling into that horrible state where they're lying to each other, and both knowing that they're lying, and just accepting it...Oh, poor boys!!!!

Sam's dream (if it was totally dream!) was very hot. Mmmmmm...angsty incest-y want. YAY! :D

(no subject)

5/12/09 10:54 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
angsty-incest--my very favorite flavor!

They are kind of doing that old dance, but hopefully this will be a much different take on it. My, what problems they'd avoid if they could only *talk* to one another!

(no subject)

5/12/09 10:41 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] toldthestars.livejournal.com
Hmmm...I have a question.

Also, I really like Dean's comment about the laundry. That really was so *Dean*.

(no subject)

5/12/09 10:50 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
question away, my dear!

Also, I really like Dean's comment about the laundry. That really was so *Dean*.

Thank you! *BEAMS*

(no subject)

5/13/09 03:21 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lazy-8s.livejournal.com

Once again, Ruby waltzes in and stirs up a shit storm. Can't wait to see how Sam explains the years without Dean. Also, Dean is very perceptive about Raph and Danny. Great chapter!

(no subject)

5/13/09 02:13 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
Oh, thank you!

Ruby's appearances are brief but as you say--stir up a shit storm. :)

(no subject)

5/13/09 06:51 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] droolfangrrl.livejournal.com
I note that you have posted a story in a fandom that I do not read.

:|


(hehehe)

(no subject)

5/13/09 02:03 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

LAUGHS SO EFFING HARD!!!!!!!!

(no subject)

5/13/09 12:27 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] darthnikki.livejournal.com
Awwww, bless him, poor broken Dean. I love the way you've written him. It just makes you want to protect him, know he'd ber mightily pissed off about that, but he does bring that out.
And Ruby?? God damn fucking Ruby, can't she just be killed already, how annoying is she? Words cannot describe just how much i hate her. Great couple of chapters though dude xx

(no subject)

5/13/09 02:07 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] roxymissrose.livejournal.com
lol!

Ah, Ruby. We all feel pretty strongly about her, don't we?

Glad you liked what you've read! Thanks so much for commenting! :)

(no subject)

5/13/09 09:07 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] darthnikki.livejournal.com
We sure do, I've hated her from day one, just know that she's out for herself, and look at what she's done to sammy!!!! I hope Sam kills her, or Dean could maybe...rubs hand gleefully at thought....please tell me you're going to kill the stupid bint!!!

(no subject)

5/20/09 05:41 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] cha.livejournal.com
even here I detest ruby heheh it's universal

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