le bitch, le kvetch

[roxy]

See my icon? I want to be doing that. A *LOT*.

Writer's block is like...constipation. That you're doing to yourself. When you get so overthinky about a story that it becomes impossible to type. When you open a doc and stare and stare and suck down coffee and stare some more. When the only writing gets done on your head and it's the same damn scene over and over and over.
I wish you guys lived next door so I could bring my stuff over and whine and cry and make you write bits of it for me.

So, yanked out of the middle of this thing, with no background and no set up, here goes.

unexplained bitlet

JT slumped against the passenger side of the car and sighed. He shifted the paper tray of chili cheese tots from hand to hand, until Josh sighed himself and snatched them out of JT's hands. "Hey!"

"Oh please, I'm not wasting food because you're a whiny-baby homo."

"Jeez fuck, Josh, if I didn't think you could kick my ass, I'd so kick your ass, you bigoted asshole."

"Whatever, you fuckin' love me. When you're not obsessing over that idiot brother of mine."

Normally, JT would laugh something like that off, but tonight, it just hit him in a twisted way, and he felt his eyes fill.

"Oh shit—JT, man, please don’t cry, I don't mean it, you know I don't. I'm sorry; I promise I'll never say something like that again—"

"That's not—well, yeah, thanks, 'cause I kinda hate that shit, dude, but no, it's not that."

"It’s the JR thing, isn't it? I'm sorry about that too. It must really…just suck so much. You know, I'd be all over you and him. Crap, I'd pick you over his…girl any day."

"Oh, well. She's really a pretty nice person. Sort of. I don’t know, she seems to make JR happy."

"You've said that about the last three girls he's dated."

"Yeah, see? Girls he's dated. Which indicates that I've got no damn chance at all."

"JT…" Josh shook his head. "I can't help feeling that he's trying too damn hard. I think—"

"Fuck. Give it a rest Josh, please?"

Josh sighed, and shoved a forkful of JT's tots in his mouth. They finished that off, and ice-cream, and then Josh drove JT back home. JT thanked him before heading up to bed. He sat on his bed for an hour or two, working on sketches, trying not to admit that he was actually waiting for JR to call until he finally gave up. Rage shook him for a moment—JR never thought about him unless there was some trouble or shit…all was forgotten when JR's ringtone bleated on the nightstand.

"Hey, J." JR's voice sounded worn and tired.

"I thought you were out with Danni."

"Yeah…I was. I just wanted to say hey. Missed you today."

JT's fucking loser heart soared like a bird. He tried not to grin, "Yeah? Well, I missed you too—no, wait, no I didn't. Josh took me to the movies and stuffed me with coke and junk food so, not so much." He waited for JR to laugh, but there was only silence on the line…"JR?"

"Unh, nothing, J. I just kind of spaced for a second…so you had a good time…with Josh?"

"Well, he's no Jensen but yeah, we had a pretty good time. I like talking to Josh. He's kinda like my big brother too."

"Oh. Well, I'm kind of tired so I'm going to go. I'll see you 'round."

And just like that JR hung up. JT stared at the phone, listened to the empty sound of the dial tone on the line…"Well, fuck. Screw that."

JT shoved his arms into the sleeves of his faded old hoody, the one that still smelled like paint, and slipped out the front door, knowing darn well his mother heard him leave, but knowing too that she knew perfectly well where he was going.
end

do you want to read more? I just want to write an old-fashioned AU, is that so wrong? *sobs* This isn't even helpful because it's not this part I'm stuck on. I think I need to toss my original idea and just go with a high-school fic. I wanted to do a fic based on Frequency but...it's really hard! And I've confused myself. And I've had a headache for three days and my neck hurts and my tummy keeps going "Bleeeegh..."

I need hugs, lots of them. Or maybe some calming medication. Or a instructional Gibbs-slap. :(

Comments

[firesign10.livejournal.com]

I thought it read well. The crossed lines between JT and JR showed well. The delicate aroma of angst wafted through... :-)

NCIS - I have a new Gibbs/Tony story coming out in 10 days ;-)

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Thank you, if I actually get this thing rolling, it will reek of angst!

Also, I suck hard because I read your story and loved it!!! I need to leave you an actual comment but it was a pleasure to read! Time stamps, time stamps!!! I read it starting early this morning and all the way out the door to a dentist appointment, which by the ay, thanks for distracting me--I'm totally phobic about the dentist, :(

Is this NCIS fic going to be as naughty as the last one? ;)

[firesign10.livejournal.com]

Aw, so glad it helped distract you! And that you enjoyed it :-D there's been a lot of timestamp mentioning in the comments...

Well, I don't think ANY story can ever top the MCAT's trip to the sex club, I think that's in a class by itself LOL. "Black Cat" was much more 'normal'. The one to come actually has *brace yourself* NO SEX!! The closest thing to sex is Tony recalling a recent conquest for 2-3 sentences. I think it works though ;-)

[locknkey.livejournal.com]

high school AU??? Please!!!!! *puppy eyes or whips or whatever will work*

Also if you want some input, you have my e-mail. I'm in the same constipated place with my stupid mini-bang. *sobs*




you can tell me to go blow, but it did seemed a bit off that JAred thinks of himself as JT. I don't know it was a bit off, but I know this is just the middle

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

oh giiiiiiiiirl, please post! I've been waiting for you! But I know, lord, do I know, what it feels like to get snagged high and dry.

Healing hugs? *huggggggggles*

No, that's really a valid point about the name.Why do you think so?
I've been going back and forth on that. In the very beginning of the fic, his mom calls him JT and Jensen gets called JR because it's "cute". Then again, I kicked around the idea of Jared refusing the JR-JT thing as part of growing up...it's hard to help when the writer only has the middle of things and, hanh?

[locknkey.livejournal.com]

I don't have much left and I think it's going to need a second beta as it grew from 9k to 26k and has about 2 to go. it's a monster and since I'm late I kind of want to make it right - you know?

*clings*

Two things 1. All the JT/JR forced me to think about who they are referring to. When someone else calls them that it's fine, but when they think it too, as a reader, it forces me to stop and remember who they're talking about, especially both of them being shortened. 2. I think it personally throws me out of a story when a character refers to themselves as a nickname. My nickname has been Dee sine I can remember, but I don't think of myself that way. Even my son, who we've called beto since birth, will tell everyone his name is Roberto. For me, I find it hard to buy in to that Jared or Jensen would really think of themselves that way. Very personal reason YMMV. :)

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

When someone else calls them that it's fine, but when they think it too, as a reader, it forces me to stop and remember who they're talking about, especially both of them being shortened. 2. I think it personally throws me out of a story when a character refers to themselves as a nickname

Ahh! That makes perfect sense to me, and yeah, you're right. I will do some clean-up on that!

[rednihilist.livejournal.com]

Well, I for one certainly want to read more of your delightfully awkward and beautifully strange Js! I'm sorry you're not producing right now, but be patient. It will come back, hon. *bear hug*

Heed the kitteh!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Goooooood....so happy to hear that. *eyeballs you*

*mooohahaha....*

[rednihilist.livejournal.com]

Dude, I'm also here waiting for an email if/whenever you want to talk shop about this problem child. You help me all the time with my fic. I'd be honored to help you in return!

[jesseofthenorth.livejournal.com]

YES I WANT TO READ MORE! Where is the rest? Trapped inside your head you say? Well get writing!
heh

It did read pretty well and I was/am very interested to see what comes next.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much, love! I have a beginning, some middle and some end. Now if I can just stitch them together. I'm hoping posting bits will make me write all of it! :)

[smalltrolven.livejournal.com]

Yes more please, I liked the bit you shared. Seems angsty enough to me and I always love JT the artist.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I'm going to take time this weekend and try to stitch it together. There's such a gap between the older pieces and the newer pieces that it's really wandered in feel and as much as it hurts, I think I'm going to have to edit the *hell* out of it.

Writing hurts!

[peepingdru.livejournal.com]

hugs and slaps......x0x00x0x0xx0

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

LOL!!!!
You are so...inspirational, my dear!

And damn, those are some *nice* legs, too! :)

[peepingdru.livejournal.com]

more..............???????????????????????;p

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

you know...my kid picked the moment I opened this to look over my shoulder...I'm deaf in one ear now. oy!

She looked like the bugs in my icon. :)

[peepingdru.livejournal.com]

sorry....but I shouldnt laugh...right??????

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Well...I kinda laughed my ass off....

[peepingdru.livejournal.com]

le good::DDDDD

[digitalwave]

*shakes 'puter looking for more story*

I really liked it, sweetie. More, please?

*hugs*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I'm going to try hard to write this story because it's been sitting here eyeballing me since last year. I feel guilty I'm not able to finish it. :(

I swear--this year! *waves fist*

[tabaqui]

Awwwww!
*head-smack*
*hugs*

It's okay, bb. Just, you know...write what you *want*. Write whatever comes puttering out of your big 'ole squishy brain and then you've got it pinned down and in words and you can figure out the details later.
*pet pet pet pet*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*oooff*!

I'm trying--I'm trying so hard it *hurts* because I reeeeeeaally want to write this!!

[gingersnap1224.livejournal.com]

I like it and want to see more.

I'm not a writer but I get stuck creatively in my work from time to time. I find it helpful to impose deadlines on myself. I have to accomplish these five things today. More often than not, what I do isn't good, but it get's me going and in the right frame of mind so better stuff soon follows.

Go forth and write!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Okay--this weekend, I want to end up with three thousand words and a bridge between the two parts of the story. There. That's my goal--I'll let you know how it worked out. :)

[lyryk.livejournal.com]

This seems really awesome and I'd love to read more. Their voices are so great!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Thank you!!! I am always really concerned with the voice in a story--that's the hard part down. :)

[portraitofafool.livejournal.com]

Oh, oh! I'm late, but I'm here for you, Roxy. I have some thoughts, but if you're not looking for anything that vaguely resembles con-crit (because "vague" is absolutely appropriate) tell me to piss off. On the other hand, if you are looking for vague con-crit type stuff, tell me to spill and I shall. I await your response, madam. :D

And um... Mmmm... Instructional Gibbs slaps. Gives me some really interesting Gibbs/DiNozzo mental images. Thank you muchly. \o/ (Gibbs is the sexiest older dude ever, omg. Harmon is hotter now than he was when he was but a young lad. *drools*)

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

give me your thoughts--I'll try not to cry!

[portraitofafool.livejournal.com]

I'm late again and I am so sorry! The last two days have been mental. *hands* But I'm here now and oh lord, please don't cry. *nervous as hell now*

The first thing I noticed was the "eyes filling" thing: Boys, even gay teenage boys, don't typically tune up and cry over a mention of a crush/love thing they've got. Especially not in front of other boys. That also runs the risk of leaving "JT" an overfeminized male character, which is a good thing to try and avoid. Sure, he can cry if there's a good reason for him to cry--dog dies, mother dies, crush object dies, he's dying, etc.--but crying over a crush, even a crush he's in love with... That's not such a good thing, even for those without penises.

The second thing I noticed was all the initials. It... to be totally up front with you... does not work. It's eye-crossing because of the similarities in the letters (two Js) and also, because we--the readers--know who you're talking about (or at least this reader thinks so, but this is only a snippet, too). It comes off feeling like you're aiming for some mysterious reveal on down the line. So, maybe there is something mysterious going on, given the "he's no Jensen" part--unless JT was joking with JR and if so, that needs to be made clear. Otherwise you end up with unintended mystery because of how that line is delivered. I still think that even if mystery is the goal it may be better if you give them different names--not initials. Especially due to using them in the same sentences/paragraphs multiple times: In a long (or even longish) fic all the "JT" and "JR" over and over will become confusing in a way that plays tricks with the eyes. In that, after awhile, "JR" will be mistakenly read as "JT" and so on. Which, again, leads to more confusion. It was already starting with me by the time I finished the snippet and I had to go back a couple of times to make sure I was reading the initials correctly.

On a technical note: "Hoody" is spelled "hoodie" and the last paragraph is a really big run-on sentence that could be broken like so (merely an example):

JT shoved his arms into the sleeves of his faded old hoodie, the one that still smelled like paint, and slipped out the front door. He knew darn well his mother heard him leave, but also knew that she’d know perfectly well where he was going.

I hope you don't think me a horrible, wretched bitch now that I've shared my thoughts with you. I really am only trying to help. *chews fingers*

Thank you!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

all the initials. It... to be totally up front with you... does not work.

I know, right?? I knew it when I started but I was so fixated on this big scene I had in my head where Jared refuses to do the initials thing anymore and the fallout from that but...you're right, other folks are right. It's annoying. I'm going to have to let that go. *opens hands and flings doves skyward*

In the beginning of the fic, Jared is a bit feminine--at any rate, he likes purple sparkly nail-polish and pink t-shirts but kind of grows out of it...but I don't mind reworking that if you think it's overly girly. Mind you, he's going to be upset in that scene in some way. I might go back to the beginning and chill Jared out a bit, too. I'm not sure how comfortable I am with him being that feminine. I just wanted to isolate him and figured that was the easiest way. Plus, pulling on childhood memories. :)

Hoody is spelled hoodie???? *smacks self* I usually check stuff like that too, because I don't trust myself. I find that usually I'm right *not* to. :)

Again, last paragraph, yes. Totally agree. I have a tendency to do that, and have been called on it many times. Maaaaaany times. :) I tend to write the way I talk. Scary, no?

And thank you for being very, very kind and gentle. :)

*dabs tears away*


kidding!

Re: Thank you!

[portraitofafool.livejournal.com]

I know exactly what you mean about being so determined to keep something particular--even if it doesn't work--because you have a Scene planned later. I've scrapped thousands of words--in a single delete--after coming to my senses.

I know many boys from drag queens to gothic sorts who like purple nail polish (it's a pretty color, so why not?) and will happily sit for hours and let me do their make-up (something I feel very lucky about since I love putting make-up on boys *koff*). They do feel isolated when they're younger--a guy I went to high school with comes immediately to mind, although his polish of choice was Superman Blue. Being male all the same, they tend to get angry about it instead of weepy once they reach a certain age. Except my friend Scott from college, but he only did that when he was really (pathetically) drunk. He was so in love... it made him bawl. All over me. *pets him* Sober though, nah, not much of a weepy sort.

I think though, yes, Jared should be upset depending on what's going on/how frustrating and/or painful this crush of his is. You could have him put into words just how crappy it's making him feel because having the warm, but unrequited, fuzzies for someone will drive you nutso, trufax. Another plus to something like that is the wanting to cry is just a quick, single image--it shows, but not a lot--wherein a "dialog" would really vocalize and lay his heart out there for all the readers to really see. Dialog as imagery: It's a fun thing... unless you're me and hate writing dialog then it's torture. That said, it does a lot towards furthering character development overall and lets the reader inside the character's mind.

Hell, Jared could even snap at Josh for what he said and mean it: Projecting his own frustrations onto his friend, which then opens up a chance for them to have a more open, if somewhat heated (on Jared's end) exchange about it. Josh, btw, seems like a great friend, so I think he'd get where Jared was coming from and take it because poor Jared needs to vent.

Like you, Idk how I feel about overly-femme Jared; it doesn't really gel in my mind and never has. Though the fact he is a different sort--very much cool with being who he is--is what leads to that sort of thing. Like, in an AU fic, he'd be more likely to just go balls-to-the-wall with it and never look back. I've always been intrigued by the idea of Jared as one of the "freak" kids; the kids that listen to heavy metal or industrial (he really does like Tool and Nine Inch Nails) and wear black (but aren't goth) and basically just say, "Fuck you, your rules and your establishment." But erm... I am actually just babbling at you because sidetracked, wow.

I get crazy with semicolons when I am on a roll, which basically leads to neatly separated run-on sentences. I often find myself appalled at whole paragraphs of semicolon separators. But hey, that's what proofreading is for. *three cheers for proofing* If ever you find yourself in need of a spelling Nazi, I'm your woman. Spelling bee champ, baby, yeah! \o/ Or, really, anything else. I'm happy to try and help in any way I can.

Re: Thank you!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Thank you, thank you!

I think a bit of the problem I'm having is that the characters aren't completely nailed down. I have some scenes, some ideas and I'm trying to spackle them into a coherent fic. Slooooowly.

Your babble is intriguing. :)

I'm hoping to be able to work on this fic after the holidays--something tells me my hours at work are going to be drastically cut.

Re: Thank you!

[portraitofafool.livejournal.com]

You're welcome!

Nailing characters down is a hard thing to do, be they original or fanfic characters. Finding their voices given the world you've put them in can be an exercise in frustration. Don't feel like you need to write a little on it every night because if it's not working, that's just more work for you on down the line. I did the same thing with my first novel-length piece and wound up cutting over 10k from it in one go because... well. Because I fucked it up. Rushing and feeling like you have to write it omgrightfuckingnow can be your worst enemy when dealing with a difficult story, be it the plot, setting or characters... or all of the above.

Huzzah for intriguing babble! I think Jared would make a great rebellious, though not necessarily angry, teenager. It totally wouldn't hurt one single bit if he ended up being a top tattoo artist or something either. With tattoos of his very own because tattooed Jared = happy brain picture for me. Ya know, he'd be that kid who grew up to be the kind of guy who will smile, pat you on the head and then carry right on doing what he wants to do. The bullying and other assorted shit he had to deal with being a "weird kid" in school would only have made him stronger, if a bit more guarded around "preppies" because he learned that lesson in school. But he'd grow up and be comfortable in his own skin; in his own self because he never lied about it to begin with. Which of course, being me, makes me think, To thine own self be true. Which could work as a great springboard/seed idea for something. But I need to hush, I've had too much caffeine and the chatter-gremlin is taking over. Lol.

Yes! Let it sit until after the holidays then. Don't stop thinking about it, but stop poking at it for right now. Percolation is the best way to make a stubborn fic get its act together.