Not happy.

[roxy]

I'm so down about my BB that it's screwing up everything. I just can't feel crappy that I'm having trouble with it, no, I've got to translate that into "I'm a crappy person." I'm *not* sending this hot mess to anyone until I get some sense that it's salvageable. Though if any of you could give me an ending, that'd be great--hah.

I'm giving myself a couple of days to pull this shit together and if I don't feel like I'm going somewhere by Friday, I guess I'll drop out. I'm not a fast writer anymore--if I can't get an ending roughed out by the end of the week, I'll never have anything by May 1st. I was rolling along pretty well throughout the weekend, about 3000 words--not great, but not bad--and then it fell apart when I realized I had no idea where it was headed. Which isn't terminal if you're posting a WIP but not if you're trying to make a deadline. :(

I'm just bitching here because I need to get this out, and I can't at home. You know how they are about my hobby. Not entirely non-supportive, but they're much happier if I never mention it at all. So, I just kind of wander around all bitey-lip and swearing I'm fine because it always feels silly to get so emotional about something that's only important to me and a few folks in a faraway land who might possibly be unicorns, for all I know. *sigh* Thanks for letting me babble. I'm going to print out all the fucking ugly pages and look over them at work tomorrow. And if anyone asks me what I'm doing I'm going to straight up tell them, "Wondering how I can get these brothers to fuck each other...any ideas?"

Comments

[portraitofafool.livejournal.com]

I know exactly how you feel with the no one caring about what you do. I'm a professional writer on top of doing this, been working on a book for over a year and do you think anyone gives a shit? No, they do not. It sucks when you feel so alone with your words and story because sometimes a shoulder to neurotic cry on is the best thing a writer needs. Being stuck to deal with the characters, the plots--all of it--by yourself is a frustrating thing. It's why writers tend to end up batshit half the time, I think. *hugs you* I want you to know I'm here for you and if you wanna talk, PM me or email me (think I sent you my email ages ago?).

I'm happy to brainstorm an ending with you, whatever you decide, just give me a quick rundown of it in a PM (or right here if you want) and where you'd like it to go ultimately, even if it is a vague idea. I'm good at endings (otoh, I am shit at beginnings) and am happy to help you. Writers need other writers for support, I think, because we get it. The hours I have spent on the phone angsting away with a friend of mine are epic. Lol.

One more thing then I'll hush, I promise: I wanna toss this out there because I saw it up yonder-ways: A fic--yours or anyone's--doesn't need porn to be a Sam/Dean (as opposed to Sam & Dean) story. Sometimes forcing the porn is about the best way on Earth to fuck a fic up, believe me; I've been there--and I cut the porn because it was wrong for the story. Think about the story first and if sex happens then it happens, if it doesn't... then it didn't need to be there in the first place. They can kiss and maybe grope a little, but as long as they're not hanging out eating pizza and watching softcore het porn together (awkwardly) then it's still not gen. The main thing is to tell a story, I swear this to you. I don't mean that discouragingly (not a word, I don't think), I actually mean it in an encouraging manner because if it's just the porn part that's tripping you up then don't worry about it.

Also, a quick little factoid of a sort: Ending a story that long with a sex scene after everything else isn't a good idea--I am not the only one who thinks this by far. Why? Because it makes the whole story; all of the plotting, angsting, dialogue-ing and everything else that led up to the sex almost completely meaningless because it looks as though you (I am using that generally, btw) have written this entire thing with the sex being the sole purpose for the story in the first place. If that's the case then you should've just written PWP. Again, I am not saying any of that to discourage you, I want you to know it's okay to write a fic--particularly a long one--that doesn't have (or especially: end) with sex. Mine's over 79k and there's not a single sex scene in it and I promise you, it is very much a Sam/Dean fic.

Please don't give up now, you're almost there and you've still got nearly 2 weeks. I really believe you can do this. Come on, girly! *cheers*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

ach, I know, but honestly, I love sex scenes in a story, I want my fic to have the Sam/Dean. But. If it's not working that way, I will just have to let it go. It wouldn't be the first time. *cries bitter tears* Not that Dean's not getting laid in this fic--I love Dean/OtherGuys so I'm making myself happy that way. I'm going to look over everything again, think real hard about this guy Sam and see what pops up, so to speak.