Top? Bottom?

[roxy]

I sent a note to sillie82 recently, because of an interesting comment in a post of mine. I thought I should share my wondering with you,'cause I'm nice like that.

The issue was warning for top/bottom. Now me, I don’t get why it matters. I like switching the best, maybe I'm just greedy. In years past, I would have really gotten steamed about being asked to warn for who tops or bottoms. Nowadays, I sort of get that it's not my judgment to make, and for some people, it's *very* important. I'm working like hell to be more open to other folks—so I'm going to try and remember to tag for that stuff.

A question to you all.

I get how you label Top Dean(or top whoever). That means of course, that Dean is fucking various characters, not being fucked. So, how do you label it if there's non-penetrative sex, but one is clearly the aggressor, for lack of a better word? Would the person instigating the sex be the top? Does it even apply in a situation like that?

What do you think? What tags would you like to see that folks don’t use enough? What tags should people stop using? I vote "this is crap I don’t even know". I do—NONCLICKY.

Comments

[sylsdarkplace]

I think you hit the nail on the head there. I've never thought of bottom/top as a kink. I guess for some people it is. So, thank you for making me see it that way.

I think if we can come up with a consistent way of tagging it, I might go for it in the future. Say, using the top person's name first in the pairing -- Dean/Sam -- as meus_venator suggested. I'd never heard that before, but it's a good idea if it became common knowledge. The issue with that is all the old fics with standard, Sam/Dean, Jared/Jensen. That could be misleading, and I for one, will likely not go back re-read and re-tag seventy some fics -- cause, hey, I don't remember who ...

Okay, I just started to type "who tops who" and I couldn't because it's actually so misrepresentative of what's happening if I try to say the guy taking it up the ass is on bottom. See, it isnt' just about kink. It isn't. It's about a relationship and a power dynamic that isnt' accurately reflected in the physical act of penetration. Nope. Two different things.