Warning--Whining Ahead. Not That This Is News To You But...

[roxy]

...I'm a big fuckin' baby and I share this because ya'll know I'm shallow and a not very nice person anyway. My sister is visiting for the weekend with us and I feel a little like stabbing myself in the eye. I love my sister, I really do--but this new person the TBI left behind is hard to deal with. Hard to recognize. It's so difficult to talk to her, and trying to keep her focused leaves me exhausted and depressed. I suck. It's only been two days and I'm ready to melt. She has so little memories of life before that it's sad and her short term memory is--just not. She covers pretty well--you'd never be able to tell that she doesn't retain much.

Why doesn't anyone else get it? They all act like nothing's changed and any minute she's going to wake up and be herself. They're all convinced that if we worked harder (meaning me, i guess) that she'd be fine again. When I try to explain why all their brilliant ideas for her aren't going to work I'm being a bitch.

You can't hand someone a notebook and tell them to check it for information if they don't remember they have the notebook--more importantly they don't care that they have the notebook.

Oh shit, I am a bitch. A whiny bitch. I wish I knew what was going on in her head. I miss her so much and I can hardly stand to be around her. Nice hunh? Yeah, I'm not the one to come to when the chips are down. No brave hardy pioneer stock here, no shouldering the burden and dealing with the cards you're dealt.

Nope--I'm a lot more of the screaming and whining and crying and ripping the shirt--the kind of person who would look down at a friend with a broken leg and say "Why?? Why does this always happen to me? And I suppose you'll want me to carry you now? Christ!"

Crap. Still friends? I totally understand if you think I suck. I think so too.

You know, if I wasn't so gosh-darn cute--I'd have been capped ages ago.

Comments

[katholicgrrl.livejournal.com]

you don't suck! you need to vent - do it here! it's not being whiny!

I don't know what TBI is, but i've dealt with Alzheimer's. you need support from people who understand what it's like. might there be a support group you could contact? it might help to talk to other people who are dealing with the same thing. Then it might not matter so much that the others around you are in denial. (((hugs you hard)))

[emrinalexander.livejournal.com]

TBI stands for "traumatic brain injury". I second the support group suggestion - my Dad had senile dementia and the support group operated for family members by the VA Hospice was one of the things that saved my sanity.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Thank God for this space, I'm telling you. Not only are people so kind, but many of them really understand what you're going through, and are going through it too. I think it might help--I'm thinking talking to someone about stuff in general might help, but I'm kind of scared of that... *hugs you back hard*
Thank you dearest, thanks so much.