Warning--Whining Ahead. Not That This Is News To You But...

[roxy]

...I'm a big fuckin' baby and I share this because ya'll know I'm shallow and a not very nice person anyway. My sister is visiting for the weekend with us and I feel a little like stabbing myself in the eye. I love my sister, I really do--but this new person the TBI left behind is hard to deal with. Hard to recognize. It's so difficult to talk to her, and trying to keep her focused leaves me exhausted and depressed. I suck. It's only been two days and I'm ready to melt. She has so little memories of life before that it's sad and her short term memory is--just not. She covers pretty well--you'd never be able to tell that she doesn't retain much.

Why doesn't anyone else get it? They all act like nothing's changed and any minute she's going to wake up and be herself. They're all convinced that if we worked harder (meaning me, i guess) that she'd be fine again. When I try to explain why all their brilliant ideas for her aren't going to work I'm being a bitch.

You can't hand someone a notebook and tell them to check it for information if they don't remember they have the notebook--more importantly they don't care that they have the notebook.

Oh shit, I am a bitch. A whiny bitch. I wish I knew what was going on in her head. I miss her so much and I can hardly stand to be around her. Nice hunh? Yeah, I'm not the one to come to when the chips are down. No brave hardy pioneer stock here, no shouldering the burden and dealing with the cards you're dealt.

Nope--I'm a lot more of the screaming and whining and crying and ripping the shirt--the kind of person who would look down at a friend with a broken leg and say "Why?? Why does this always happen to me? And I suppose you'll want me to carry you now? Christ!"

Crap. Still friends? I totally understand if you think I suck. I think so too.

You know, if I wasn't so gosh-darn cute--I'd have been capped ages ago.

Comments

[sage]

*hugs you hard*

I went through something similar with my brother when he was ten and I was twelve. He was my best friend before, but after...we became total strangers. And stil are, really. He's got his life, his career, his friends, all in another city, and we don't know each other at all.

I could blather on about different kinds of grief, but I'm pretty sure you're already pretty well-versed.

This may be entirely presumptuous, but it might help to give her something tangible that she can hold in her hands, that says, "I don't have a fucking clue how to get through this, but I love you and I'll do my best." And then work on building something new with the materials at hand instead of trying to rely on a foundation that's half gone.

*hugs you more*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

This may be entirely presumptuous, but it might help to give her something tangible that she can hold in her hands, that says, "I don't have a fucking clue how to get through this, but I love you and I'll do my best." And then work on building something new with the materials at hand instead of trying to rely on a foundation that's half gone.

You made me cry and that's just such a wonderful idea--it made me realize, I gave her tons and tons of pictures of her daughter and my daughter ---but none of me. That kind of shook me up.

Thanks for sharing your own story with me, it is so much like what we're going through.