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roxy...I'm a big fuckin' baby and I share this because ya'll know I'm shallow and a not very nice person anyway. My sister is visiting for the weekend with us and I feel a little like stabbing myself in the eye. I love my sister, I really do--but this new person the TBI left behind is hard to deal with. Hard to recognize. It's so difficult to talk to her, and trying to keep her focused leaves me exhausted and depressed. I suck. It's only been two days and I'm ready to melt. She has so little memories of life before that it's sad and her short term memory is--just not. She covers pretty well--you'd never be able to tell that she doesn't retain much.
Why doesn't anyone else get it? They all act like nothing's changed and any minute she's going to wake up and be herself. They're all convinced that if we worked harder (meaning me, i guess) that she'd be fine again. When I try to explain why all their brilliant ideas for her aren't going to work I'm being a bitch.
You can't hand someone a notebook and tell them to check it for information if they don't remember they have the notebook--more importantly they don't care that they have the notebook.
Oh shit, I am a bitch. A whiny bitch. I wish I knew what was going on in her head. I miss her so much and I can hardly stand to be around her. Nice hunh? Yeah, I'm not the one to come to when the chips are down. No brave hardy pioneer stock here, no shouldering the burden and dealing with the cards you're dealt.
Nope--I'm a lot more of the screaming and whining and crying and ripping the shirt--the kind of person who would look down at a friend with a broken leg and say "Why?? Why does this always happen to me? And I suppose you'll want me to carry you now? Christ!"
Crap. Still friends? I totally understand if you think I suck. I think so too.
You know, if I wasn't so gosh-darn cute--I'd have been capped ages ago.
Why doesn't anyone else get it? They all act like nothing's changed and any minute she's going to wake up and be herself. They're all convinced that if we worked harder (meaning me, i guess) that she'd be fine again. When I try to explain why all their brilliant ideas for her aren't going to work I'm being a bitch.
You can't hand someone a notebook and tell them to check it for information if they don't remember they have the notebook--more importantly they don't care that they have the notebook.
Oh shit, I am a bitch. A whiny bitch. I wish I knew what was going on in her head. I miss her so much and I can hardly stand to be around her. Nice hunh? Yeah, I'm not the one to come to when the chips are down. No brave hardy pioneer stock here, no shouldering the burden and dealing with the cards you're dealt.
Nope--I'm a lot more of the screaming and whining and crying and ripping the shirt--the kind of person who would look down at a friend with a broken leg and say "Why?? Why does this always happen to me? And I suppose you'll want me to carry you now? Christ!"
Crap. Still friends? I totally understand if you think I suck. I think so too.
You know, if I wasn't so gosh-darn cute--I'd have been capped ages ago.
(no subject)
5/31/05 10:22 pm (UTC)*hugs you hard*
You are NOT a bitch. YOu are NOT whiney. You do NOT suck. You are so brave and so fucking strong and FUCK THEM if they can't deal with the fact that you are mourning your sister, your best friend, your girl.
The person you loved and laughed with isn't there and you have EVERY RIGHT to be sad, and upset, and lost-feeling, and ANGRY, damnit. It's okay to be angry.
She's THERE, you didn't forget her and you're not putting her away - you are doing an amazing fucking job and nothing you feel is wrong or bad.
If i were there I'd take you out for ice cream and make you laugh a little and just hug you hard.
*hugs you hard, anyway*
Love you, RoxyMissRose, you know i do.
(no subject)
6/1/05 04:03 am (UTC)you know what--I love you like crazy and you always always make my heart hurt less when I'm upset. I think about you so much, lovey, knowing you is a blessing1
(no subject)
6/1/05 04:55 am (UTC)*hugs you some more*
*really hard*
*like 'grrrrrrrrrrrr' hug*
*pet pet pet*
That icon? All for you.
(no subject)
6/1/05 05:08 am (UTC)I love that icon, man it's beautiful!
(no subject)
6/1/05 05:13 am (UTC):)
I accept my icon, you must accept yours.
*yup, pretteh pretteh icon*