writing, drawing, and drugs and sex...

[roxy]

We call that the hook. *grins*



You know, as glad as I am that I'm no longer contemplating suicide once a month, thanks to no longer taking Paxil(or as it's also known, the DEVIL) I confess, I miss the flip side. That scarily good good GOOD mood I'd be in for a couple of days after. Geez, I miss it. I miss writing and thinking "HOLY SHIT! I'm a fucking GENIUS!!!" So much more satisfying than, "Hot damn, I don't suck all that much!"

When I compare writing to drawing, I'm much more satisfied with what I've written than anything I've ever drawn. Weird that. In fact, I can't point to any drawing I've ever done and call it good. The most I can say is okay. Maybe the color worked, or the line, or a shadow--
On the other hand, there are a couple of stories I've written I think are pretty good,and one or two I think are damn good.
That's right, I said it. I feel stupid now, but I'm not taking it back.

So the other night, I had a dream about a girl with a penis!! I know it!! Normally, I'd be all ick. But this dream was so odd. In this dream, I was at dinner with the Fam and flirting with my waitperson (as usual--I always flirt with the waitperson) who happened to be a cute girl (she looked sort of like Aisha Tyler—who personally I like but not enough to kiss, so that was odd) and way too young but in the dream I was younger too. Ah, black hair. I remember you... anyhoo, I somehow ended up in the garden of this restaurant with her and we were kissing and goodness, it was such a nice kiss. It really lingered--you know how you can feel your lips all warm from it for hours? It was like that. Nice. And then she said, look, and I looked down and there--my word. What a surprise. Nice looking dick, though. Sadly, I had to refuse. Married, after all.

So ther ewe have it, Sex, drugs-sort of. No rock and roll. sorry. *G*

Comments

[rhiannonhero.livejournal.com]

Why must I always remember that I'm married in my dreams? *sigh*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

It's awful, isn't it? So unfair!

[rosy5000.livejournal.com]

The only thing you're missing is the roll... because you ROCK! ;D

And if it'll convince you, I'll tell ya every day that you are a genius and your stories are totally awesome. :D

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Aaaaaaaah! *loves you all over*!!

[kristiinthedark.livejournal.com]

Hee. I had a dream not too long ago where *I* had a penis. Yeah, that was interesting. :D

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

You know...I was going to say if I suddenly had a penis, I'd stay home all day playing with it...but fuck that, I'd be out in the street trying to use it!
"HeY!! Ya'll wanna see something Cool???"

[myownghost.livejournal.com]

paxil gave you "suicidal ideation," as they call it? did i already tell you that my son attempted suicide while on it? this was a couple of years before they started posting warnings about giving it to kids. that was a scary night. :/

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

No, you didn't--Paxil really is the devil and the way they handled that was truly evil. I can't begin to imagine how horrible that must have been.

With me, I figured it had to be the Paxil talking, because I'm not the kind of person that sees suicide as an option--not since I was an emo teenager way back when dinosaurs stumbled the earth. Mind you, I've never heard of anyone else having the monthly meltdown I used to have, but now I'm just normal crazy so I guess I was right.

[myownghost.livejournal.com]

i'm glad you're just normal crazy now. i think many of us end up learning to deal with the normal craziness. (my son did, and i do too.)

[danceswithgary]

Wellbutrin - best stuff in the world!!!

Ahem.

So anyway, I would be hard-pressed to find anything you've written that I wouldn't recommend. So you must have the bad stuff hidden away somewhere?

And dream lovers? I gave up on them ever having anything but my husband's face whenever things got really good. My brain is obviously stuck on "There can be only one...". I shall spend the rest of my life wondering, 'cause there never was another. Hey, that sounds like a great country-western song. Hmmm.

[droolfangrrl.livejournal.com]

Augh wellbutrin. >.<

For me it made me feel like I was drunk, like the ground was slipping out under my feet.

Effexor XR works for me well enough.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

oh gosh--it's silly!And unfair. I should be able to have sex with whomever in my mind! *pout*

I have had some really interesting dreams--sadly few and far between--starring other folks. Once, Sam and Dean, once Mikey, and once Thomas--actually Clark..never with me.

[ladydreamer.livejournal.com]

One of my collegues said Wellbutrin caused her to hear voices. o.O

But I've heard good things from other people.

[dawnybee.livejournal.com]

// Geez, I miss it. I miss writing and thinking "HOLY SHIT! I'm a fucking GENIUS!!!" //

You should always think that because you are. You should get a sheet of paper and write in huge block letters “I am a writing goddess” cos you are.

//So the other night, I had a dream about a girl with a penis!! //

Was her name Kimora Simmons? :)

// And then she said, look, and I looked down and there--my word. What a surprise.//

LMAO!!.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

You should always think that because you are. You should get a sheet of paper and write in huge block letters “I am a writing goddess” cos you are.

HUGHUG!!!! I'm changing my LJ subtitle to that, okay? *G*

Was her name Kimora Simmons? :)

AAAAAAAAAAHHHAHAHAA--WHAT? Why you wanna talk about her like that--unless she got it in the settlement?

[lexii314.livejournal.com]

"and I looked down and there--my word. What a surprise. Nice looking dick, though. Sadly, I had to refuse. Married, after all"

It's a dream...GO FOR IT!!!
In my dreams I'm always the one with the dick. I guess that's why I'm so PISSED when I wake up :(

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I'd love to--lousy brain! So unfair...*sigh*

[jakrar.livejournal.com]

Paxil made you suicidal? *winces* I'm really sorry to hear that. (I take Paroxetine, which is generic Paxil, but I don't seem to contemplate suicide any more often than I did before the Paroxetine. And it definitely does help with the OCD.) I'm certainly glad you're no longer taking it, even if you no longer get the scarily good moods, either. *hugs you* But I hear fine chocolate in large quantity is renowned for bringing on good moods.

On the other hand, there are a couple of stories I've written I think are pretty good,and one or two I think are damn good.

Your writing IS damn good. So clearly, by recognizing that fact, you are simply showing good taste. *nods*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

lol! Good taste, eh? Okay, I'll go with that it sounds so much better than appaling lack of modesty!

Yeah Paxil helped with my anxieety attacks but hokey smokes--I couldn't take the once a month depressions. I almost dumped everything I'd ever written one night just because of a casual remark that made me think everything I'd done was lousy. God--who needs that kind of nuttiness?

[jakrar.livejournal.com]

Definitely not the good kind of nuttiness!

[tabaqui]

I never have dreams like that!
Sexy, i mean.
Weird, yes. But not sexy.
*is lame*

*twirls you*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

oh man, one night, I dreamed I was reading a sex manual, and everything I was reading was being acted out by Sam and Dean and I got to feel everything Sam was feeling--talk about your cool dream!

[tabaqui]

Duuuuuuuuuuude!!!
*wants to be in your brain*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*smirks and waves Dean at you*

[ladydreamer.livejournal.com]

It's good that I'm hearting these stories about the drugs. I have no idea what to expect when I go to the therapist. ;_;

When I compare writing to drawing, I'm much more satisfied with what I've written than anything I've ever drawn.
Ditto.

Wonderful dream.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

The only thing you need to be aware of is that you don't have to take anything you don't want,and if it feels bad, tell them you don't want it. They can be weird about the drugs--this is such a pill-taking society.

Best kiss *ever*. It might not sound like it, but it was *very* romantic, even though it came with a surprise package....

[ladydreamer.livejournal.com]

I'm only open to taking pills right now because it's gotten scary. Normally, I'm pretty doctor/medication phobic. If I can get out of it and find other ways to deal, then I'll be happy.

I need more sex dreams to supplement my nonexistance sex life. Aisha Tyler... purr.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I guess I could have worse taste...plus she's funny as hell so--bonus! lol!

[petit-rhino.livejournal.com]

Sadly, you can't get the highs without the lows (and hey, that sounded like platitude time!). My lows aren't bad enough that I'm willing to give up the highs though *keeps her fingers crossed*, so no drugs for me yet.

My dear, you have some weird dreams. Though I kinda had a similar one a few years back.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Hee! Ir was a fun dream! I love my dreams! *G*

[nataliadarimini.livejournal.com]

Sounds a little like me. I would love to get rid of the suicidal part of my bipolar, but I don't think I could bear to go without the highs that come after.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can see that folks really wouldn't want to get rid of the highs. I mean, wow--I really would feel like I was so smart and so sexy and so talented...hey...wait a minute!! I *AM*!!! 'specially that sexy part. *HUGEGRIN*

[nataliadarimini.livejournal.com]

Especially the sexy part. This is what I've been saying all along.

*cops a feel*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Heeeeeee! *gigglegiggle*

Your writing

[(Anonymous)]

You should never doubt your writing skill! You have the ability, that belongs to only the best authors, to immediately grab your reader and make them invested in your characters. With elegant simplicity, you make us picture the events and feel the emotions. I particularly like the way you capture Clark's vulnerability, both to his own fears and insecurities, as well as the people and events around him. I usually read your stories several times, with the exception of The Dog. (I thought it was wonderfully done, but your portrayal of Clark's circumstances was so vivid that I can't bear experiencing it again.)

I am one of the silent masses who lurk LJ; I'm sure you have many, many more fans than those who so faithfully comment on your stories.

Re: Your writing

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

you know what, the next time I'm laying face down in the keyboard crying about how much I suck, I'll read this. Thanks so much for telling me this. I'm forever thinking that there's this tiny club of a few people who read my stories and neveryone else is here because I'm an entertaining goofball--but geez--I can't be that damn funny. *g*

You saying you've read my stories more than once makes me feel wonderful-I always re-read my favorite authors. About The Dog, man, I almost feel I should apologize to everyone who's ever read that fic. It hurt me to write that story, believe me.

Re: Your writing

[jfc013.livejournal.com]

I am adoring your Winchester stories, my dear. Don't EVER believe that you aren't any good! You are a wonderful writer! I'm getting antsy waiting for the next chapter! Never doubt your talent. You kick MAJOR ass!

Re: Your writing

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Oh! I just got home from the most horrible "bend over and grab your ankles and there'll be no lube" day at work and your comment made me absolutely float! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!