I Never

[roxy]

Things I have not done

I have not infiltrated a convent, carrying a big sack filled with porn and booze like the Anti-Santa.

I have not drugged a certain tall, dark haired actor and his clean shaven (all over!) co-star and posed them in suggestive positions, and did not take pictures, especially when they woke and thought it was their own idea.

I did not arrange for a certain CW pretty boy actor to lose the lease on his apartment so he'd have to room with a friend

I have never secretly wired a person's bedroom for sound under the guise of a being a friendly cable installer.

I personally do not believe in the power of suggestion

If I did I would not whisper into a microphone 'your co-star wants your ass but bad.'

I would not do it all night long every night.

I have not shoved old ladies out of line to get the last king-size package of Reese Peanut Butter Cups.

I have *never* stunned a kitten.

I may have have never tasered a kid having a screaming fit in the toy aisle, nor felt any inclination to do so. Much.

I'd never claim to be house-keeping to enter a hotel room. That would be wrong.

I would never try to find out what hotel room a certain tall and oddly attractive actor might be sleeping in.

I don’t own a basket of cleaning products or bright yellow rubber gloves.

I might own the world's only gas-powered vibrator have no idea what this 'Big Bertha' is you speak of—who, I meant who. And I'm sure Jaredthe young man will stop waking up screaming eventually.

I never once disguised myself as an Akita—whatever for? I also have never taken advantage of my resemblance to a pug to indulge in a little light kidnapping and if I did, I sent roses to Tom's therapist and of course to Thomas. Never happened

I never shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

I did not do it because I was really really bored and a little cranky that weekend either.

Comments

[herohunter.livejournal.com]

*adores*

All lies, Roxy. Lies, lies, lies.


Loving the new layout!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Shhhhhhhhhhhh, beloved! Do not let on!

;)

Thank you! It's all nice and bright--for a few days until I go back to my Lex background! *happysigh*

*HUGS*

[rednihilist.livejournal.com]

OMG, LOL! I was gonna quote some of my favorites up there, but. . . they're all my favorite!!! Though those ones about our 'boys' certainly made me giggle wildly. And I'm pretty sure I snorted at the 'Big Bertha' one. HEE! Poor Jared :(

Thanks so much for doing this! I feel so much better after a laugh like that. *HUG*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Oh, yay!! That makes me even happier! *shmooch*

[twinsarein.livejournal.com]

Holy crapola, I love your posts. That was a stitch (almost literally as I fell out of my chair and just avioded bonking my head on the side of the desk). Just hilarious!

Hey, I love the new look you have going on here (although I miss Clitney).

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

lol! I had a moment of insanity I just had to share!

And thanks so much! I was about to go back to my Lex background when this called my name. It's surprisingly restful on the eyes. Still...needs more Lex. ;)

[twinsarein.livejournal.com]

Your posts are gifts that keep on giving. They are so much fun to read and then, as people respond, the laughter continues. I just read all the way through and they were all so fun.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad it's making you laugh! See, that's what's LJ is suppposed to be--a fun break when you need it, and support when you've got to have it!

[aloneindarknes7.livejournal.com]

...Wait, I thought this list was a 'I Never' one? Now I'm just confused.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Well, yeah...*koffs and looks all shifty-eyed* I never done none of that. Naaaaaaaah, not me.

*innocent eyes*

[opusnone.livejournal.com]

Of course not - I could never believe that of you. Nor would I ever inquire what, if any, distribution plans are for this Big Bertha of which you do not speak. Never.


Currently mopping up the snarfed tea all over my keyboard.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*looks all innocent and saintly like*

Big Bertha? Pardon me? Have nooooooo idea what this is you speak of.



:)

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know if it's true, but I heard that the Victorians, back when medical science thought women had no sexual urges, invented the vibrator to induce a state of "hysterical paroxysm" (I don't make 'em up, people, I just report 'em), and the first models were stationary-ish and steam powered. Again, no idea if it's accurate, but it's what I heard. :)

--Jessica

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

LOL! Steam-powered!!! We need a new Big Bertha--a steam-punk version! *GRIN*

[tzi.livejournal.com]

*laugh* Oh my GOD I love you so much!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

eeeeeee! *feels all fuzzy and warm*

[selinamoonfire.livejournal.com]

OMG!

*iz ded*

I can't wait to hear about your adventures that never happened with that young man that you're going to be seeing soon.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Why goodness gracious...that wasn't like a game plan or anything...*koff*


rubber gloves: check

duster, don't forget duster: check duster

[selinamoonfire.livejournal.com]

No, of course not.

Though I do want to hear all bout the con since I'm angsting over whether I should go to one or not.

[rosy5000.livejournal.com]

I have not drugged a certain tall, dark haired actor and his clean shaven (all over!) co-star and posed them in suggestive positions, and did not take pictures, especially when they woke and thought it was their own idea.

But why not??? And if you ever decide to, let me know. I'd be more than willing to help. ;) *grins*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

EXCELLENT! I rent a van, forthwith! You can buy the rope. :)

[ladydreamer.livejournal.com]

Mmm.... Reese cups o.O

Are we supposed to take a shot for every one we've done?

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Are we supposed to take a shot for every one we've done?

*blink*

what, at an old lady...oh! Got yah!

*eyeballs you* Why? How many have *you* done?


And you know, that icon is a leetle scary. That tiny little Superman head...*shudder*

[ladydreamer.livejournal.com]

<.< >.> I'm sure the pictures will be out on the internet soon enough.

[pretties-4u.livejournal.com]

I don't believe you for one fucking minute.
heeeeeeeee!

xoxo

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

But observe how innocent I look! ignore that face of eeeeevel stuff--haters, you know how they do. *nods*

[pretties-4u.livejournal.com]

Uhhhh - you look so innocent except for the five alarm PANTS ON FIRE.
You're going to burn down your computer chair, and I'll just shake my head.

*mwah*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

STOP! You made me laugh out loud!!

*HUGS*!!!

[pretties-4u.livejournal.com]

...most of all, I'm really hoping my wife doesn't catch on to this 'big bertha' thing. Move along, nothing to see here..
*shudders*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Big Bertha? why she's just a girl's best friend. *koff*

[ale-lexfan.livejournal.com]

I can't stop laughing!! ROTFL
You're the best!!

pssssh..if you ever need an alibi just say a word! *wink*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*BIGGRIN*
Thank you--I'll hold you to that!

*whispers: you never know!*

[carolandtom.livejournal.com]

I have not drugged a certain tall, dark haired actor and his clean shaven (all over!) co-star and posed them in suggestive positions, and did not take pictures, especially when they woke and thought it was their own idea.

OMG! Be still my kinky heart!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Yes! It looked a lot like your icon!

If it happened.

And it didn't.

'Cause that would be illegal. *nodnod*

[tabaqui]

*twirls you in circles*

I have never made a sockpuppet account on lj just to stir up wank about teh boys.

:)

[pretties-4u.livejournal.com]

*Lawlz*
YOU have, what, 6 LJ accounts?
Don't call that kettle black.
Oh wait.. =P

[tabaqui]

*snickers*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Ah-HA!

The thick plottens!!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, no--me neither!

[tasabian.livejournal.com]

I have not drugged a certain tall, dark haired actor and his clean shaven (all over!) co-star and posed them in suggestive positions, and did not take pictures, especially when they woke and thought it was their own idea.
Make this your resolution for 2009 ;)

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*curtsies*

*starts packing...*

[voldything.livejournal.com]

ashdgsadsdf ♥

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I love you too!

[jakrar.livejournal.com]

*snorfles evilly*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*joins you in evil snickering*

[droolfangrrl.livejournal.com]

Promise you'll never change.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid I'm stuck like this. ;)