I Never

[roxy]

Things I have not done

I have not infiltrated a convent, carrying a big sack filled with porn and booze like the Anti-Santa.

I have not drugged a certain tall, dark haired actor and his clean shaven (all over!) co-star and posed them in suggestive positions, and did not take pictures, especially when they woke and thought it was their own idea.

I did not arrange for a certain CW pretty boy actor to lose the lease on his apartment so he'd have to room with a friend

I have never secretly wired a person's bedroom for sound under the guise of a being a friendly cable installer.

I personally do not believe in the power of suggestion

If I did I would not whisper into a microphone 'your co-star wants your ass but bad.'

I would not do it all night long every night.

I have not shoved old ladies out of line to get the last king-size package of Reese Peanut Butter Cups.

I have *never* stunned a kitten.

I may have have never tasered a kid having a screaming fit in the toy aisle, nor felt any inclination to do so. Much.

I'd never claim to be house-keeping to enter a hotel room. That would be wrong.

I would never try to find out what hotel room a certain tall and oddly attractive actor might be sleeping in.

I don’t own a basket of cleaning products or bright yellow rubber gloves.

I might own the world's only gas-powered vibrator have no idea what this 'Big Bertha' is you speak of—who, I meant who. And I'm sure Jaredthe young man will stop waking up screaming eventually.

I never once disguised myself as an Akita—whatever for? I also have never taken advantage of my resemblance to a pug to indulge in a little light kidnapping and if I did, I sent roses to Tom's therapist and of course to Thomas. Never happened

I never shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

I did not do it because I was really really bored and a little cranky that weekend either.

Comments

[carolandtom.livejournal.com]

I have not drugged a certain tall, dark haired actor and his clean shaven (all over!) co-star and posed them in suggestive positions, and did not take pictures, especially when they woke and thought it was their own idea.

OMG! Be still my kinky heart!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Yes! It looked a lot like your icon!

If it happened.

And it didn't.

'Cause that would be illegal. *nodnod*