so, just a little question here, my friends....

[roxy]

If you thought you were sick, like potentially fatally sick, and you didn't tell the people closest to you, would that be considered lying? No reason I'm asking, just curious.

Comments

[fireheart13.livejournal.com]

It would only be lying to me if protestations of good health were made. if it wasn't discussed, then it wouldn't technically be lying. i'd think there still might be some feeling of betrayal after the fact that it wasn't/hadn't been shared - "why didn't he/she say anything?" but it wouldn't be the same as "oh i'm great!" when that wasn't true.

did that make sense?

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Yes, absolutely it does. I was just wondering, because my automatic setting when I'm scared shitless about something concerning me is not to say anything. Is it fair, or am I just sparing folks needless worry...these were my recent thoughts. ;D

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

♥

[fufaraw]

I'm going to say, if you have medical confirmation of a terminal condition, you are under some obligation to tell the people closest to you. If you're obviously ill and they ask, you should tell them. It's really shitty not to be told, and have that sprung on you.

If you're protractedly ill, you need to have a medical diagnosis, and not just hide under the sofa and hope it goes away.

Not that I have any experience with either side of this issue, you understand.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, if you have conformation you'd be terribly wrong not to let your loved ones know. I'm thinking of that part where we're hiding under the bushes in the yard, debating whether this agonizing thing is worth telling anyone about. Y'know, that part where you're pretty sure liberal applications of 'tussin will help, while also planning your funeral.

[tabaqui]

Uh, yes? Also incredibly dumb, hurtful, and rather selfish. The people need to know, because for something like that to come out of the blue and, say, kill a person? When they had no idea? Will make it all that much worse.

So yes.

And, upon reading your other comments. Holy fucking gods, woman. If you have some kind of issue happening, knock it the fuck off and get to the doctor. Right now.

Jayzus, don't make me come up there.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Ach, I'm an idiot--and kind of an asshole, to y'all and the Fam. I did go to the doctor and all the worry was just worry. Clean bill of health, and everything is as okay as an old overweight broad can be okay.

Also, I meant if you *thought* you might have health issues, not fully knowing you did. If that was the case you'd definitely be wrong, yes.

What made me think of this was Sam on Show and how folks were saying there they go lying to each other again, and I'm watching this and worrying that this thing that was bugging me might be cancerous (according to the internet, but as my beloved said, everything is cancer on the internet) and keeping this to myself because I figured everyone had too much on their plate already and didn't need to needlessly worry about my shit.

So, basically I turned into a 60's housewife, except without the Mother's Little Helper, which if I had those I might have at least cleaned the house and washed clothes...I over-identify with our boys and yes, I'm an idiot.

Imma make you cookies anyway, just in case you decide you still have to come kick my butt. :D

[tabaqui]

*smishes you*

You are so silly. Never, ever hide that stuff. It *sucks* to be the other person in the equation, not knowing anything is wrong and then *bam*!! Or - seeing your beloved unhappy and on edge but not knowing why or how to fix it....

I am *so* glad you're doing all right, bb. And yes - everything on the interwebz is cancer. Just like it's *never* lupus.
*pet pet pet pet*

People who love you will want to know, you giant goober.

Ooooh, cookies.
*looks for suitcase*

[peepingdru.livejournal.com]

Fear....stops pple from telling loved ones. Fear that THE FEAR becomes real. Not lying imho b/c pple are just trying to cope. When I worked palliative care those that told family late usu said this...and they didn't want things to change and be treated differently. (((padas))))..xx

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Fear that THE FEAR becomes real.

Yeah, that's definitely an aspect of not telling your beloveds. It's like, as long as it doesn't come out of your mouth, it's not really real.

I was taught to be this way by tough, old-school people who walked backwards and uphill in blizzards to get to work--and did it naked. *shrug* :D
♥♥♥

[chellexxx.livejournal.com]

Yes, you should share your fears as often as you share your happiness

My son didn't tell me or his girlfriend for a long long time he was sick. When he finally confessed, we were straight off to the doctors. He'd been suffering a very long time by that time. Idiot.

He felt better just for telling us. A problem shared ......

xxx

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

A problem shared ......

It's strangely easier to share a problem of the spirit than a problem of the body, and I have no idea why. It does make such a difference when you do share, but again, no idea why that lesson doesn't take well for some folks--I myself have to learn it over and over again. Human nature, I guess. :)

[jesseofthenorth.livejournal.com]

Lying by omission, right?

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Sort of. If you weren't certain there was something wrong, had a feeling but didn't share that feeling with others, well, kind of lying but not really. Having proof positive that you were dangerously ill and not sharing, that I think is lying. At this point though, I have no idea what I was getting at. It's been an interesting week. ;D

[phoenixnz.livejournal.com]

I agree with you Roxy. It is easier to share a problem of the spirit. Having said that, I've not told my friends what's been going on in my life and kept quiet and boy, did I get in trouble! So don't be a silly sausage, ok? If something's worrying you, tell us. We're good listeners at least.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I'm really good--got doctor's clean bill of health and all and shared my worry with the Fam after the fact. And got in trouble for it, yes. :)

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

Had a friend do that. Told her family she was recovering from a minor cancer issue, they found out after she died it was incurable pancreatic cancer. Fucked her kids up something awful. Me, too, because we all believed her when she said it was just the chemo making her sicker and sicker.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Now, doing it to that extent is just WRONG. Because it's damn wrong to leave your family unprepared and defenseless. At that point, you *need* to e telling them, for them as well as yourself. Not saying anything when you know for sure you're dying is selfish, I think.

[(Anonymous)]

She told her husband just a few days before she died, and made him promise not to tell her kids. Her daughter (17) phoned me soon after she died "Did you know?". She was screaming and hysterical with rage/grief. Horrible for everyone. I can understand Beth's decision, though. She didn't want to be surrounded by grief, wanted to keep everything upbeat and as cheerful as possible. Still feel sorry for her kids :(

So, of course, your question has me freaked out. You're not gonna cark it, right?

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

That was me. Not logged in.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

HELL NO!

Omg, trust me on this, if I ever found out I was terminal, y'all would unfriend me in droves because that'd be all I ever talked about. Not to mention I'd stalk you all individually to whine and scream some more, plus demand truck-loads of sparkly stuff and shit.

Nope, I would fucking not go gentle into that good night, not me. ;D

[blackrabbit42.livejournal.com]

My Grandfather did this. Went to the hospital, found out he had liver cancer, came home to die and didn't tell anyone. He lived only a few days, if I'm recalling my family history correctly. I wouldn't call it lying, but it was a shitty thing to do.

Now, it sounds like you are talking about *worrying* that you have an illness, not *knowing*. I would say that if you were worried, but didn't know, then it's OK not to share your worry with everyone. Get the facts first.

My husband is, among other things, a hypochondriac. He's been worried about everything from (I am not making this up) beard hair cancer to hand herpes. Diabetes. Triple E. Internal bleeding, hip replacement. You name it, he's been worried that he has it (or, in the case of the hip replacement, worried that he needs it). Now, it's like the boy who cried wolf. He's going to have a legitimate concern one of these days, and we're just going to laugh and write it down in the "Things R. has thought he has" journal. Then we'll feel terrible when he really does die of Alien Hand Syndrome.

:)

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I would say that if you were worried, but didn't know, then it's OK not to share your worry with everyone. Get the facts first.

nodnod. That's what I thought.

Your husband and me sound a bit alike. I'm fairly certain that I have something bad just about monthly. Mind you, our family health history is so shitty, that it's not outside the realm of possibility that something is wrong when I cough/have chest pain/get a cramp/a mysterious mole/itchy dry skin--LOL! When doctors ask for family history I always tell them it'll take less time for me to tell them what we don't have rather than what we do have. :D

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

I feel sorry for him living with this condition, but I had to laugh at the way you wrote it. I dunno, I would like to see an X-Files fanfic with Mulder worrying about dying of Alien Hand Syndrome!

Scully: You do not have beard hair cancer or hand herpes!

Mulder: You'll be sorry when I die of Alien Hand Syndrome!!!

(Also, I work with a horendous hypochondriac - the boss makes fun of her, but it's bloody annoying. She gets some water in her ear from the shower and it's BORROWING THROUGH HER EAR DRUM AND INTO HER BRAIN AND IT'S GOING TO CAUSE CANCER SO SHE'S GOING TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!

She also Munchhausens by Proxy her poor dog.

/end off topic ramble...

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

burrowing... :/

[dawnybee.livejournal.com]

IMO, it's not lying by omission, but it's better to share any and all information for support, advice, comfort, planning for whatever eventualities. It's not a good talk to have but it's important. It may feel like it's burdening someone but I think it's better to share he "burden" than shoulder the worry and leave people out of the loop. And that's my 2 cents. And you know what you can get for 2 cents: a day with Chad Michael Murray because he's a cheap loser.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

OMG, how can you say that about Chad Michael Murray? Didn't he used to take in poor stray teenage girls, to love and nurture?

Oh, I definitely feel if you *know* for certain something's wrong, you need to share, but if it's a matter of say, staring at a creepy mole that's suddenly sprung up and that WebMD is telling you is cancerous, then...maybe one would want to wait until one has actual confirmation before worrying one's family--not that this comes from personal experience...*koffkoff*

I'm kind of an idiot. But you know that and love me for it, yes? *hugs*

[supernutjapan.livejournal.com]

*squishes*

Now why did that remind me of Sam in 11-1 or Dean in Season 9 or Season 3 LOL?

I'm glad you found there was nothing wrong, sweetie. So relieved. So many are sick and suffering :') But if ever anything like that happens, you should really tell the people who care about you. I think they would feel very hurt that you kept something like that from them. I mean, wouldn't you?

I'd say always check with the doctor first though, and quickly, so that if I do have such a disease it is caught early and possibly cured, and I and my family/friends don't have to worry unnecessarily ... but that's more easily said than done. I understand the dread that makes one not want to find out the truth. I'm glad you were able to go though and find out it was nothing. Really glad. *hugs you tight*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*YOU*!!! Are so smart! So sensible and so kind!

*HUUUUUGS*

And yes, my question was a combination of Real Life and Sam combined. :)

[supernutjapan.livejournal.com]

*squishes you* <3<3

It's interesting to imagine what Dean would have done if Sam HAD told him... Would he have rushed back and left the baby and girl to fend for themselves? Most definitely. But if Sam told him to do something, he would probably do that too.

And also interesting to think of why Sam DIDN't tell Dean. I think it could be because he feels he would be letting Dean down after telling him to trust him. He wants to fix it himself ;) It would be awesome to see him do that!

[agent-jl36.livejournal.com]

This discussion was really hard for me to read. I can be a very private, introvert person. My biggest challenge all through my life has been asking for help. Here is everyone saying "Of course you should share! It's an obligation to your loved ones!"

That freaks me out. When I freak out, I get quieter. If I'm dealing with something, I need my own time to do my thing before I can even EXPLAIN what's going on.

If someone is fatally sick, wouldn't that person also have the right to live their last days\moments as they wish? Some may choose the comfort of their friends and family to help. Some may choose to live as normally as they can. Someone like Sam may need to let Dean finish his part of the job first (that Saving People thing!) before Dean's attention gets super-focused on Sam. Also gives Sam time to come up with a plan - we all know Sam LOVES having a plan!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I think...if you are fatally ill, you should tell your family so that they can be prepared. I kinda think it's selfish not to. Imagine the pain when it comes to the end and there's no time to do anything about it, not necessarily fight the end, but maybe just have the most good moments together as possible?

Someone like Sam may need to let Dean finish his part of the job first (that Saving People thing!) before Dean's attention gets super-focused on Sam. Also gives Sam time to come up with a plan - we all know Sam LOVES having a plan!

That's why I can't think of what Sam did to Dean there as lying. I think it was love. Because this is the way my mind works, too. Sam protected Dean by not telling him. How can Dean focus on what he needs to, if he's going to be distracted by worry about Sam? Sam will come up with a plan, we know that. :)