Me. It's always me....

[roxy]

So, here's what's going on.

Not so good news: Pop's not doing much better after having a positive upswing, he kind of crashed again. Good news, the therapists seem to think he can do well if he tries to. Bad news, he tells me he wants it to be over. So, I choose to think he means therapy. Anything else, and I'd be driven to kick his ass. It's a twisty, windy road we're taking here.

Good news: Today's Mr. Roxy's 52nd birthday! We had a nice day together, and BG came over with the Boyfriend to spend some time with us. She brought a cake and a new radio to replace the one she stole borrowed.

Other good news: Tomorrow's my 30th anniversary! I got my gift all ready--30 beautiful red roses. They look like a fucking shrub sitting on the table...*G*

Also, this is why I haven't been around much, or commented too much, or written much. I have some bits of The Lonely, I don't know if I should just post the small bitlets, or wait until I have a bigger post to make--what do you guys who are reading it want? I'm kind of stymied and need your input. *wibbly smile*

Comments

[rednihilist.livejournal.com]

First off, I like the new layout (mmmm, picnic!). Sorry about your Pops. Just do your best, and if ass-kickery is needed you just go on and dish it out. (Use the guilt. It works miracles. *wink*)

Congratulations! Hope Mr. Roxy had a wonderful day, and that tomorrow's also happy!

Personally, I think getting what you have written off your chest might be beneficial to you as a writer: start somewhat fresh whenever you get around to it. Of course, I just love reading your stories, so that might also have something to do with it. :)

*huggles* Turn that wibbly smile up, hon! We're here for you. (as in, your lj friends, not me and my multiple personalities. . . although. . . )

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*HUGHUG*

*loves every single one of you*

[ferdalump.livejournal.com]

Awww, I'm sorry about your Pops. :( *squinch*

But happy day to Mr. Roxy. And eeeep! Congrats on 30 years!!! YAY!!!!

Nice to see you around. :)

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

You make me smile so many times, Ferd--you have no idea! *HUGGLES*

[ferdalump.livejournal.com]

Awwww, that means so much to me to hear. And can I just say ditto?

**huggles back**

[rosy5000.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about your Pop. Maybe you can metaphorically kick his ass to keep him in shape. *hugs*

Glad Mr. Roxy had a great day today. And Happy 30 years to you both tomorrow. :D *HUGE HUGS*

I think if you have more than maybe 3 or 4 paragraphs written... you're good to post. *grins* Ok... I'm just desperate to read more!

*huggle-snuggles* ♥

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG*

Okay, I'm going to post what I have--I feel so bad about waiting so long, when I love this story. *sigh*

[fleegull.livejournal.com]

Hopefully Pop will see reason and get in gear.

Happy anniversary!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I just want him to sit up and notice that he still has a lot of life to live.

And thank you! :)

[sablier-bloque.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear your bad news, but I hope you have a lovely anniversary tomorrow *hugs*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, hon--we're going to party like it's 1979. :)

[garryowen.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about your dad. :(

Otherwise, just here to cheer you on re: fic.

<3

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

heh! Thanks so much!

[quiet--tiger.livejournal.com]

Happy anniversary!!!!

I hope your dad gets better.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much, my dear!

[tabaqui]

*hugs you hard*

I...man. I want to say something to you but i don't want to make you sad or piss you off....arrgh.

Many happy returns of the day, Morgan Mr. Roxy!! Wheeee!

And 30 years! That's so very awesome, bay-bee. Congratulations!
*smooches you all up and down*
*luffs you leik whoa*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Go, say--it's okay. I doubt you're gonna piss me off, *G* and sad--tchah! I've gotten kind of comfortable with sad.

Thanks for the good wishes! Morgan and I had quite the day. *koff* It was a good anniversary! ;)

[tabaqui]

Okay. Arrgh.

I don't know how old your dad is, or how truly sick. And everything you can do to make him comfortable, and help him, is good, good, good. But don't...don't try and 'guilt' him into doing things, or be angry at him if he says he's tired. If he says he feels like he's done. Just love him, and encourage him, but don't feel like he's doing something *bad* or wrong or...deliberately hurtful. Maybe he *is* tired. Maybe he just wants to rest, now, and stop having to struggle for his every day. It's hard. It *sucks*. I miss my dad every single day. And we could have had more time with him if we'd put him on dialysis. But he didn't want that. At all - ever. And we just had to let him go.

You might have ten more years with your dad, or twenty. You might have one. Just try not to make whatever time is left into...a battle, you know? Encourage, tell him how you feel, help him fight, but respect how he feels, too.

Maybe it's just 'hospital blues' talking. Maybe he'll feel 100 percent different when he gets home - and i hope he does! But his feelings are legitimate no matter what so just try not to let it make you angry, or hopeless. Just take whatever time and enjoy it and be with him as much as you can store it all up.

I hope he has many more years with you and this world, my darling Miss Rose, i truly do. But when it's time, don't begrudge him his rest.

*hugs you hard*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

You're right. I *know* you're right. I don't even know why it makes me so mad when he talks like that but you're right. I should print this out and paste it right over my desk. My dad and I have always been impatient with each other, true, but I don't want to burden him with my stuff when he doesn't need it. I just don't want him to go.

Thank you--you're a damn good friend.

[tabaqui]

It's hard to just say 'okay'. It's hard as fucking hell. When my dad was lying in that hospital bed, he wasn't even awake, not really, and we just...we had to tell him it was okay to go, if he wanted to, and fuck me that hurt. It hurt so bad and it still does but it was what had to be.

You love your dad, you want him *here*, we both know that and that's how it should be. But yeah, you just...take every bit of good and sweetness left to you, ten days or ten years and store it up and hold it close and give him all the happiness you can.

Ah, damnit. All this stuff sucks, doesn't it? Being grown up and having to face real things and the real world and having to be not selfish and having to be *good*. When all you wanna do is scream and cry and throw things.

*hugs you more*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Ah, dammit. All this stuff sucks, doesn't it? Being grown up and having to face real things and the real world and having to be not selfish and having to be *good*. When all you wanna do is scream and cry and throw things.

Yes, and yes--that's me to a tee. Thank the lord, Mr. R is a saint of a man, with the patience of--I don't know what, but it's endless. He's highly resistant to tantrums and bad behavior and he knows when a hug is needed. You should see him with my dad....

This is so different than with my mom. With Mom, it was so sudden--so quick you know? This....

But really, I feel better now--like I know at least how to think about it now. Thanks so much--*clings, but with less sniveling, really!*

[tabaqui]

Oh, my darling beloved. You can snivel all you like. RL sucks. Being a grown up sucks.
*clings back*
*hugs you tight*

[xinsidemyskinx.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm sorry about your dad. Wish Mr Roxy a happy bday... and happy 30th anniversary from me (kiss)

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Thank you lovey, *hughug*

[suzvoy.livejournal.com]

*cuddles you*

[matryoshkarose.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Happy Anniversary!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Thank you!!! *HUGS BACK*

[ender24]

happy 30 anniversary :)

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*BEAMS* Thank you!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*HUGHUGHUG*

Thank you!

[myownghost.livejournal.com]

sorry to hear about your father's state of mind, roxy. i hope he gets a fresh burst of inspiration soon and decides he wants to keep going.

happy anniversary! 30 years are something to celebrate, big-time! :)

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I'm a damn lucky woman--I forget that sometimes! *G*

thank you, love!

[nashmaveric.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about your Pops. Stay optimistic though, if he's anything like my gran was, it'll be down then up!

Happy birthday to Mr Roxy! And happy anniversary too! Enjoy the shrub ::grin::

peekig out from behind the shrub

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I'm going to go with that--today, a lot of folks shared positive stories with me. I'm pushing away negative thoughts, and just letting what will be, be.

*HUUUUUUUUUGS*

thanks for the good wishes!

[nerowill.livejournal.com]

30 years is awesome! *big hugs*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Thirty years and still going strong! More or less--my knees are killing me, and I got this little pain right here, oh, and it's hard to get up off the couch....*G*

*HUGS BACK*

[kaydee23.livejournal.com]

Sorry about your daddy.

I hope you had a happy anniversary. Thirty years is some kind of record nowadays.