ready to give up

[roxy]

The story I worked so hard on is dead in the water and it's really bringing me down. I've been trying not to whine and cry here but I just can't hold it in anymore.

The Beloved Niece gave me pointers and peptalks and ideas but still. I think I'm stymied at the thought of rewriting major portions of it. Huge portions. *sigh* I don't want to, I'm too lazy to. No one's read it so no one is waiting for new bits and...blaaaaaargh.

I feel like I'm back in school. *pout*

I was so swamped in self-pity, whining and snotting all over the place, that I decided to delete my LJ and never worry about this kind of thing again as Bob is my witless. But Comcast said "no internet for the rest of the evening for you, my friend" and I couldn't so I didn't. That, plus guilt, not to mention that it really is kind of stupid to delete the damn thing when all I have to do is walk away from it, kept me from doing it this morning (well, that and some excellent stories).

And of course without an LJ, I'd be deprived of the overwhelming pleasure you get from the occasional comment on an old story. Which by the way if you're lurking here, step up and comment, damn it, my ego is taking a beating!

Comments

[jlvsclrk.livejournal.com]

*hug* I can only imagine how painful it must be to contemplate needing to do such a massive rewrite. Maybe try turning your hand to some good old fashioned PWP to restore your mojo? I know how much I'd miss it if you ever stopped posting.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I'd miss you guys too much too! I depend on ya'll for too much to really let go. Most of the time,when I get to the 'delete the LJ' point something happens to stop me so I'm taking it as a sign. :)

I actually managed some porn on another story that's stalled, so...it was even Mike/Tom RPS. :)

[locknkey.livejournal.com]

::huggles::

Sorry you're bummed, BB.

I admit I haven't caught up on reading. Both NTM and the end Impossible Things are in my "to read" list. I suck, BB. :)

Sorry the story is going ass up. :(

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Ach, how can you say that! It's impossible for you to suck! This is another reason I can't really let go of LJLand--if I'd flounced away in my last whiney outburst, I wouldn't have met you!

[locknkey.livejournal.com]

trufax - my life would absolutely be less rich w/o you in it - so no flouncing, missy!

[lexalicious70.livejournal.com]

NEVER LEAVE ME. *CLINGS*

And now it's time to be serious, and this is the honest truth: I have told more than person that you're a role model for me. Really, you are! You're an amazing writer, and you don't let labels tell you when someone should stop being fandom or when they're "too mature" to write fanfic. You've always flown in the face of that, and you're my hero for that. I mean it.

You also make me laugh like hell most days, and I'd miss you so much if you left. My LJ life would suck a lot more without you.

I know how frustrating the writing process can be, believe me . . . if you ever need to PM someone about it, I'm always around.

*HUGEHUGS*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

GAH! DO NOT MAKE ME CRY!!

I say I'm leaving but I can't--I would miss folks like you too much! So many days, your posts are the only things that make me laugh. I like all my flist but some folks are special to me and you're definitely right there. *HUGS*

NOT LEAVING YOU!!!!

[jesseofthenorth.livejournal.com]

Please don't runaway from LJ. I for one would really miss your lip wit.
Look. I get it on the story. That always sucks. But just shelve it. I get my ass kicked by stuff all the time. I paint myself into corners, I screw-up characterizations, I make myself CRY FFS!
Shelve it. Move on to something fun even if it's just spamming the shit out of your friends. Look at it when it doesn't make you want to cry.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*sigh* I really do have to back away from it. I've written myself right square in the corner and don't have the strength right now to get out. Plus, everyone I read is so brilliant that I'm feeling like a--a--doofus.

I like the idea of spamming the shit out of my friends--lol! Oooo, or maybe step up the posting of inappropriate personal anecdotes...they always make *me* laugh. :)

[tabaqui]

My dearest, darling, most beloved RoxyMissRose....

If you ever delete your lj and walk away from me i will hunt you down and make you so. Damn. Sorry.

Just sayin'.

icon love!!!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Gee...I'm torn between doing it just to see you come after me and being afraid to even look at the word delete....wisdom prevails--not going anywhere. I would miss you too damn much,

HUUUUUUUUGS.

Re: icon love!!!

[tabaqui]

G-man Dean will *hung you down*!!

Actually, you know...that might not be so bad....
*cough*

ANYWAY. Yeah. You just sit your little butt down, missy, and BE ON LJ, 'cause i'm not lettin' you go.

I can't quit you, MissRose!!

[aloneindarknes7.livejournal.com]

I know I'm not really in any of the fandoms you are in anymore, but I still always remember you from how nice and awesome you were to me back when we did share fandoms. You might be going through a tough time now, but you'll always be awesome. I'm totally sure of that. *huggles*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS*

Hey, once you're here, you're here for keeps! ♥♥♥

[mahaliem.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I hate massive rewriting. The worst, for me, is trying to rewrite the story in a different tense - I just totally shut down.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

omgosh, yes!!! That's happened too, plus huge plot holes, and mysteriously disappearing characters, and waffling motivations...*collapses in soggy heap*

Picked a crummy time to go on a diet--this really needs loads and loads of chocolate.

[danceswithgary]

Please don't leave me. *clings*

I Won't!!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

You know, that night it seemed like the right thing to do, like it was what I needed. Thankfully, we lost our connection and in the morning, deleting my LJ seemed like a petty and stupid thing to do. So, here I is. I'll feel like this again, I know, but hopefully sense will rule. You guys, though...you keep me going. *HUGHUGHUG*

[rednihilist.livejournal.com]

Can I say "I know how you feel" and not come off as a total asshat? *SMUSHES YOU* Sorry you're having a hard time, but, as ironic as it is coming from yours truly, please, please, please don't give up and axe your lj! I love you and all your stories, both fic and RL. And, on a purely selfish note, I don't know what I'd do if one day I clicked on and found your journal had been deleted and purged. Thank you, Comcast, for impeccable timing!

So, yeah, S, STOP IT! We love you for *you*! The stories are awesome, muy muy awesome, but don't throw in the towel just yet. I have faith that you'll slap the shit out of this story (is it Diamond Dogs?) and get it back to behavin' 'neath your spiky boot heel.

To cheer you up, the thought occurred that I might give you a sneak peek at my Four Brothers fic. . . if you're interested. Anything to bribe my roxy. *SQUEEZES you and never lets you go*

ETA: You make me tear up, my precious Snuggles, and you do it better than anyone else. You made me create an lj account in the first place, just so I could be cool and gushcomment with a userpic like you. Don't even joke about this stuff, and, yes, I now know how it feels. :/ I'm on the other side of it now, though, and, hon? You will be, too, you know.

God, I love you! Ferris Bueller, you're my hero!!!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

You're one of the reasons that I couldn't delete my account. I need you to be here too. I get antsy when you don't post, even if it's just to say hey there! Promise me to never spring leaving on me either and I swear I won't.

I'd *love* for a sneak peek at your FB fic, it would make me very happy. :) I'm going to give my story a serious read over and see what it needs, maybe over the weekend, when I'm less worried about minor things.

*CLINGS* Love you too, even though you compare me to a short pudgy furry bear. I'll have you know I'm a short, pudgy, furry human. Who looks slightly bear-like...*KISSES!!!*

[myownghost.livejournal.com]

ah no, lj would be too sad without roxy! please to hang in there. start another story, maybe, and recycle some of this dead-in-the-water one. (my motto: for the writer [or poet], nothing is ever wasted.)

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I'm hanging in! I'd miss you guys too much.

I'm thinking if I can't shake the story into place, I will definitely salvage the parts that work. It's written in a way that I could cut chunks out of it and it'd be readable....*sigh* I really did want it to work though. :)

[me-ya-ri.livejournal.com]

*huge smishing snuggle-hugs* Don't leave! We've got cookies! *waves cookies under your nose*

Seriously though, I do understand the frustration and not wanting to rewrite. It's part of why I'm less than enthused about it when people say I ought to rewrite my original stories and submit them. That's too much work! *whines*

I'm glad Comcast was there to stop and you and dang, I'd comment on all of your stories if only I had the time to read. >.> Darn life is making it hard to do anything fun! My favorite is still A Young Kryptonian's Travels--so much fun!

*stuffs you with cookies* Stick around and enjoy the fun, Roxy. Writing can wait until you have more inspiration.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Ooooo, cuuuuukiehs!!!

I would miss you guys like an arm--okay, my pinkies--but REALLY, I'd miss you too much. Whining time just overwhelmed me and crashed my common sense.

Forget the writing, I'm eating all the cookies! :)

*HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS*

[silsbee329.livejournal.com]

NO.
I'm with your friend who says to write some short stuff and just pepper it out there until you can face that monster again. Just don't leave us. :(

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

OMG YOUR ICON!!!!

No, I was being stupid--I can't leave you! Who would make me laugh, who would make me go hunh?! Who would I hug???? Besides the three people in my house I mean?

HUGS FULL OF LOVE!!!!!

[rosy5000.livejournal.com]

Meep! You are never ever never never ever never ever allowed to leave! If I have to I will chain you to LJ so you can't. Then, I will torture you with feathers for even thinking of doing so! *clings to your ankles* ♥

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

LOL! Okay, with encouragement like that, I don't dare leave! Besides, what would I do without you? *HUUUUGS* It'd be like abandoning my kids!

[twinsarein.livejournal.com]

Ack! You can't say things like that, you'll give me a heart attack. And, it is so obviously all about me. I'll send you chocolates if you stay. Ooo, no. I'll send you a naked Clark. Ooo, ooo, no! I'll send you a naked Clark with chocolates. Will that do it? I have nothing better than that.

Except to be honest, I suppose. I'd miss you. Your posts, way of looking at things, and your sense of humor brighten my time on LJ. I really don't want you to go. So...yeah. I got nothing else.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Weeeell, since it's all about you, I'll stay for you! And you won't even have to send naked chocolate covered Clark. Unless you have him sitting around, in which case, please send that boy right on up! :)

and really, when my brain is working right, I know I'd be too lonely without you all. *HUGS*

[suzvoy.livejournal.com]

You better not go anywhere, missy!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

No miss, staying right here, miss! :)

[dawnybee.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with the writing. Don't leave us. Here's some Jensen to sweeten the deal.

[bonehed.livejournal.com]

jesus f'ing christ how can anyone top that^???

Okay, back to the topic at hand; your silly notion that you are leaving us. No, nope, not going to happen!

The end.

hugs and kisses,
bh

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

It was a silly notion--I couldn't leave here, I need you guys too much!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

ach, My Softness!!

How could I leave you? I was crazy to think I could!

[tzi.livejournal.com]

Dude, don't be running off on me. Okay, we're not in the same fandoms much anymore, but I still enjoy seeing what you're doing, you know?

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I just had a big explosion of woe is me, I'm about over it now. *siiiiiiigh*

I could never quit you, you know that.

:)

[tzi.livejournal.com]

Whee! ^___^ *chuu* Yeah. Some days it's just all woe all the time. I'm glad you feel better!

[day221b.livejournal.com]

Please don't delete your LJ! I haven't read any fic in the SPN or Smallville fandom in what seems like forever, but I always look forward to seeing a post from you. Anyway, I hope that whatever dark muse has prompted such an intense, almost instinctual reaction flitters (is this even a word?) out.

Also, I completely understand your dead-in-the-water story issues. I have a fanfic (novel size - help!) that shares a current status with yours. Don't give up, hon!

Hugs you!

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*HUGS BACK*
It seemed so impossible to get over, that mourning for the story, but now I'm just going to set it aside for a bit and really think about what I want to say.

I won't delete the LJ, it would be such a sucky move on my part. I just have to remind myself of that whenever I get too blue. :)