(no subject)

[roxy]

So, let me see if I can explain my absence--and yeah, for me, it's been pretty much an absence because I post nearly every day, even if it's just to chat about the horrible pimple I've developed on my wattle, which, true, but not the reason I'm posting tonight.



We've been on a rollercoaster ride with my dad. The ups and downs have been trying, to say the least. I'm trying to decide what to do--plan his future, I guess. We spoke tonight about what he wants. He's a little scattered, but not that much. He understood what I asked, and made suggestions. He worries too much. He's not a hundred per cent sure I can handle this but...who else has he got? What I should have done is given all the info to Mr. R and sent him in to talk to Dad. *g*

Dad's been in and out of the hospital twice since the last time I mentioned him here. I've had a meeting with the folks at the assisted living facility where he's been the last 8 years. They want him back, but I'm not sure they can handle his needs. He can't get up on his own, so he can't make it to the bathroom, even with assistance. Which means he needs to be cleaned and changed in bed and he has diarrhea frequently. He's got a feeding tube, no food at all by mouth. That means he needs to be monitored, and the feeding tube cleaned and really, he needs 24 hour assistance. They're not normally set up for that but they assure me, it would work. Except on holidays, or if someone calls out, or...stuff. So. I'm still thinking. At any rate, it's not easy.

The lady who runs the assisted living facility seems to think that I'm not letting myself really look at the situation as it really is. Maybe. I'm just waffling back and forth and no one can really tell you what to do, least of all Dad. I have no idea how to have this conversation with him. I can't. I really, really, don't know what to do. My brother comes up in two weeks. Maybe by then, I'll know, if not, maybe he can help me decide what to do. Oy.


Maybe later on, I'll post a little snippet of what I've been working on, kinda sorta. A sentence here, a word there--eh.

ETA: thanks you guys--you make me feel so much better. I really appreciate it! *hugs you all*

Comments

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

Just, {{{hugs}}}

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

God, thanks so much. I feel a selfish need for tons of hugs.

[valentinemichel.livejournal.com]

Oh, Ms. Roxy.

*hugs you tight*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*hugs back hard*

[garryowen.livejournal.com]

Aw, Roxy. Tough decisions. I hope you can find good care for your dad. It's so hard being old.

*hug*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I just feel so bad that I can't do anything to make it easier.

[ellyfanfic.livejournal.com]

((((Hugs))))

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

thank you so much, I really need some hug about now.

[goth-clark.livejournal.com]

{{{HUGS}}}

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

thank you, dear, thanks so much

[silsbee329.livejournal.com]

*lots and lots of hugs*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*siiiiigh* thank you, lovey.

[me-ya-ri.livejournal.com]

*Great big hugs*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*CLINGS*

[danceswithgary]

Really tough situation. My sympathy. *HUGS*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

ah--not nearly as much as what you're going through, love. *HUGHUG* miss you here something fierce.

[norwich36.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Thank you, dear heart, thank you.

[dm-wyatt.livejournal.com]

Aw...

I know this is tough for you.

*HUGS*

Hang in there, sweetie.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS*
I'm okay, just worrying about Dad, y'know.

[rhiannonhero.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. I wish I knew what to say. My heart goes out to you.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's rough--but it could be worse. Everyday, I'm reading someone's LJ who's going through hell, and then I feel like I've got no reason to be so down but still...it's hard to handle some days.

[ladydreamer.livejournal.com]

So hard. :/ *hugs!*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for the hug, my dear. *hugsback*

[rosy5000.livejournal.com]

*hugs and cuddles you* Even the idea that one day I'll have to deal with problems like this with my parents scares me. I'm just happy I have 6 siblings to help with any decisions. *huggles* ♥

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I know--I worry about BG, who's one solitary kid. I hope to hell it won't be as bad for her. :(

*HUGGLES RIGHT BACK*

[coneyislandbaby]

*hugs my Roxy*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Oh!! *soaks up your hugs like rain* And awww, you're using my seizure inducing gift! *clings*

[ferdalump.livejournal.com]

Awww, I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. I know EXACTLY what you are dealing with and I know how hard and stressful/emotional/draining it can be. I was raised by my grandparents and my grandfather had severely ailing health. And I'm not sure if you recall that my last job was at a health care facility for the elderly. I actually handled admissions and dealt with families and the children often who were struggling with what you are, and it is a very tough decision to make. There is never an easy answer and sometimes you just have to go with what feels right in your heart. I'm sure the lady means well, but she probably also has a quota, too--so don't let her get in your head too much. At the end of the day it is your father and only you know how it feels to take this next step with his care. I hope your brother is a help to you, and please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Right now I'll send snuggles and prayers. :) :) :)

***BIG HUGS FOR YOU***

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

oh yes, Ferd--you know what I'm going through! I'm just--I have no idea if I should hope for more--I do, but I don't know if I'm being realistic or not, y'know? Dad's 89 years old and he's been through so much lately. *sigh*

Thank you for offering your help,lovey. I feel good knowing that if I need to, I can ask you stuff. *HUGS* You're the best!

[anitac588.livejournal.com]

That's so tough when one gets old. *sigh* It's really not easy deciding what to do.
Having a person to care for 24/7 alone is *exhausting* and so very expensive if one gets extra help. Maybe if he goes to the living facility (especially if the want him back), perhaps occasional help could be arranged on the holidays?

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

oh no, I think you misunderstood me. Right now, my father is in transition between the hospital and the assisted living--he's in a short term nursing care facility. We established early on that us living in the same house wasn't going to work and I'm sure he'd rather go out on the ice-floes rather than have me take care of him. I don't blame him--heh! He's been happily living in assisted living for quite some time now, complaining non-stop and being ridiculously spoiled by everyone there. It's just now his needs are beyond what they can provide for him.

Maybe if he goes to the living facility (especially if the want him back), perhaps occasional help could be arranged on the holidays?

oh yeah, that's what I'm hoping for! Really, they spoil him, I don't even think he realizes how much extra they do for him. I mean--the man got his own private juice when he told them he disliked their choices, plus the cooks would make him whatever he wanted, when he wanted it! I should be so spoiled! Well...i kinda am...*G* So yeah, I hope to have him back where he's comfortable soon. lol!

[rednihilist.livejournal.com]

Oh, hon! *hughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughughug*

:D *squeeze and an extra side of snuggle*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

*leans on you*

[fleegull.livejournal.com]

It's not an easy road with a sick parent, I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you, your dad and your family.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I hope so! I feel like I have two brains lately--one thinking about Dad and the other thinking about everything else. *HUG*

[xinsidemyskinx.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*HUGGLE* Thank you, sweetie-pie!

[suzvoy.livejournal.com]

*clings so, so tight*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*clings to Suz like a baby howler monkey*

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

What about a home carer? Is that possible? There's no real solution to any of this.

I've been complaining all day as I have to spend my one day off a week running my mother around - she's obsessed with her feet and with going to the hairdresser every week. At least she's not pooping herself (just wetting, and that's an easy clean). I should stop complaining, could be worse, right?

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I don't even have half the responsibility you do! right now, Dad can't go anywhere, and the nurses are handling that all-important diaper changing. But I'm seriously thinking of moving him home, even though everyone around me is looking at me in some kind of combination of hilarity and horror.

[myownghost.livejournal.com]

it's so hard when our parents get to this stage. i hope it works out with the assisted living place, since it sounds like he's been happy there, and happiness is worth so much.

sorry i was late to respond. i've been away, but even so, i noticed you weren't posting. <3

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

I hope it works out too, since I'm finding out medicaid and a nursing home might not be an option. I'm looking into home care with nursing assistance. Everyone who knows me well, I suspect, is thinking I'm nuts. ;)

[lapetite-kiki.livejournal.com]

*big hugs*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

*CLINGS*

[nerowill.livejournal.com]

*hugs* This stuff is devastatingly hard. I wish I had same sage advise, but in lack of that I'll just be sending thoughts of good will in your direction. *extra hug*

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, my dear! Everyone's good thoughts are making me feel better!

[tasabian.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. This must be an incredibly stressful situation. I hope you are also taking care of yourself while you cope with this.

It's nice that the assisted living facility is so eager to have your Dad come back. I bet your Dad is a charmer. Like father, like daughter.

[roxymissrose.livejournal.com]

Thanks, my dear! Luckily, I have the world's sweetest, most patient, husband looking out for me!